The Celebrity Death Pool 2005

The Game Room
121

It would take having Lance Armstrong-Paris Hilton-Anna Nicole Smith Trifecta with the deal clincher of Gary Coleman.

Whomever made a crack about Peter O’Toole Take it back. That is not right. He is one of the best actors ever. I’m not ready to put him on my list, despite the fact I adore him. And he has a double phallic name!

122
  1. Bill Clinton
  2. Morgan Faichild
  3. Florence Henderson
  4. Crispin Glover
  5. Barry Bonds
  6. Liz Taylor
  7. Al Pacino
  8. Gene Hackman
  9. Anne Heche
  10. Roger Daltry
  11. John Cleese
  12. Wilford Brimley
  13. Deborah Harry
123

[Dan Rather]

Tragedy today, as Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves.

He was delicious.

[/Dan Rather]

124

My kids think it’s hilarious. Evrytime someone dies I get questioned if they are on my list.
Of course not I tell them. Being on my list is a guarantee of another year on this plane of exsistence.

Now my picks
1.John Cleese
2.Dennis Hopper
3.Don Rickles
4.Phylis Diller
5.Ted Kennedy
6.Johnny Carson
7.Barbara Eden
9.Steve “Crocoldile Hunter” Irwin
10.Bob Barker
11.Michael Moore
12.Marilyn Manson
13.Mick Jagger

125

Steve Irwin? That’s really macabre.

I like it!

126

Actually, somebody already had Steve Irwin, I don’t know who though. When I was tallying the choices I didn’t put down names of posters.

127

Just in case anyone noticed, I really do know how to spell. Honest.

128
  1. Elizabeth Taylor
  2. Pope John Paul II
  3. Bob Barker
  4. James Earl Jones
  5. Jack Lalanne
  6. Roy Horn
  7. Johnny Carson
  8. Gerald Ford
  9. Jimmy Carter
  10. William Rehnquist
  11. Magic Johnson
  12. Gore Vidal
  13. Abe Vigoda
129

Okay, but your counting skills appear a bit shaky :wink: – you skipped from #7 right to #9.

130

Did you ever have one of those days?

8.Ed Asner

131

Here’s mine -

  1. Lauren Bacall - and I’ll be heartbroken.
  2. Pope John Paul - and I’ll be relieved, poor guy’s more than ready.
  3. Gordon Lightfoot - and I’ll be totally upset.
  4. Charleton Heston - he’ll get to meet God instead of just playing Him!
  5. Queen Elizabeth - all the tabloids will think Chuckie got tired of waiting and whacked her!
  6. Hulk Hogan - the heart will catch up to him.
  7. Charlie Watts - Mick and Keith are vampires. Isn’t it obvious? Charlie will get prostate cancer. Bets?
  8. Paul Newman - car crash. Just driving down the road, too.
  9. Eminem - shooting, possibly by a fan.
  10. George Bush Senior - simple heart failure.
  11. Bill Cosby - another heart failure.
  12. The Anorexic Olsen (can’t remember which one) complications from the damage she already did.
  13. Marilyn Manson - pure wishful thinking!

I have no particular stratagy. These people just popped into my head. Several of them are people I’d love to be wrong about.

132

To The Following People, I bestow the Gift of Life. I think I got one this year, and I was expecting a different mode of departure:

  1. Pope John Paul II
  2. Fidel Castro
  3. Whitney Houston
  4. Paris Hilton
  5. Courtney Love
  6. Zell Miller
  7. Iyad Allawi
  8. Mary-Kate Olsen
  9. William Reihnquist
  10. Viktor Yushchenko
  11. Viktor Yanukovych (it’s called “hedging your bets”, children)
  12. Merv Griffin
  13. Jeff Gordon
133
  1. Winona Ryder
  2. Robert Downey Jr
  3. Calista Flockhart
  4. Jerry Falwell (wishful thinking)
  5. David Rockefeller
  6. Della Reese
  7. Larry King
  8. Phyllis Diller
  9. Eddie Albert
  10. Paul Harvey
  11. Kitty Carlisle
  12. Olivia DeHavilland
  13. Geraldine Fitzgerald

Alternates:
Andy Rooney
Jack Palance
Olympia Dukakis

134

I wouldn’t bet the farm on that.

135
  1. Pope John Paul II
  2. Nancy Reagan
  3. Johnny Carson
  4. Emo Philips
  5. Ed McMahon
  6. Diana Ross
  7. Queen Elizabeth II
  8. Charleton Heston
  9. Paul Newman
  10. Kurt Vonnegut
  11. Barbara Bush
  12. Jimmy Carter
  13. Nelson Mandela

Alternates:
George Herbert Walker Bush (AKA “Poppy”)
Prince Charles
Don Knotts

136
  1. Gore Vidal, author
  2. Jane Jacobs, author
  3. Michael Jackson, dethroned king of pop
  4. Norman Mailer, author
  5. Kurt Vonnegut, author
  6. Hank Jones, jazz pianist
  7. Marian McPartland, jazz pianist
  8. Dick Cheney, vice president
  9. William Rehnquist, chief justice
  10. Fidel Castro, cigar aficionado
  11. James Doohan, chief engineer
  12. John Paul II, pope on the ropes
  13. Günter Grass, author
137
  1. Pope John Paul II - May 18, 1920
  2. Richard Pryor - December 1, 1940
  3. Scott Weiland - October 27, 1967
  4. Doris Day - April 3, 1924
  5. Elizabeth Taylor - February 27, 1932
  6. Courtney Love - July 9, 1964
  7. Angela Lansbury - October 16, 1925
  8. Peter Falk - September 16, 1927
  9. John Goodman - June 20, 1952
  10. Margaret Thatcher - October 13, 1925
  11. Nancy Reagan - July 6, 1921
  12. Don Adams - April 13, 1926
  13. Charles Manson - November 12, 1934
138

Considering my selections for 2004, inclusion on my list seems to guarantee continued life. So my selection of people whose obituaries I’d hate to see are :

Some of my favorite authors :

  1. Ray Bradbury
  2. Arthur C. Clarke
  3. Harlan Ellison
  4. Robert Silverburg
  5. Kurt Vonnegut

Some fave musicians :

  1. Bob Dylan
  2. Paul McCartney
  3. Ringo Starr
  4. Lou Reed
  5. John Cale

Some fave actresses :

  1. Diane Lane
  2. Elizabeth McGovern
  3. Annette O’Toole

Alternates, because they looked so close to death the last time I saw them :

Angie Dickinson, Rose Marie and Mary Tyler Moore.

139

Death Pool

  1. Pope
  2. James Doohan
  3. Larry Hagman
  4. Scott Hamilton
  5. William Rehnquist
  6. B.B. King
  7. Wilford Brimley
  8. Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  9. Olivia De Havilland
  10. Muhammad Ali
  11. Viktor Yuschenko
  12. Boris Yeltsin
  13. Kirk Douglas

And as an alternate should one of my choices cruelly rob me of points in December.

  1.      Hamid Karzai (or however you spell it)
140

My list in no particular order:

  1. Jesse Helms
  2. John Ashcroft
  3. Fidel Castro
  4. Rush Limbaugh
  5. Imelda Marcos
  6. Garrison Keillor
  7. Claude Vorilhon, founder of Raelian Movement
  8. John DeLorean
  9. Maya Angelou
  10. Loretta Lynn
  11. Sylvester Stallone
  12. Yo-Yo Ma, cellist
  13. Tatjan Patitz, supermodel

Alternates:
A) Kim Novak
B) Mickey Rooney
C) Joaquin Phoenix

May the invisible pink unicorn have mercy on their souls.