With the holiday season upon us, people will be spending more time in the home, so I thought I’d pass on a few examples of interesting and unusual domestic hygiene practices I’ve personally witnessed at some time or another. Please add your own horror observations and tips:
Pets:
It is best not to allow children to play with the “toys” in the cat litter tray.
After emptying out the cat litter, it is inadvisable to freshen the tray up in the dishwasher.
Dog turds on the kitchen floor should be cleaned up promptly, but not using the dish washing sponge.
A child’s finger should be fully scrubbed and disinfected after insertion into the dog’s rectum, rather than spit-washed.
Kitchen & food:
When you move the garbage can and realize with surprise that the kitchen linoleum actually has a color and pattern, a floor cleaning may be overdue.
The brown ring inside the saucepan is not a design feature and should be completely removed after each use, not re-disolved into the next batch of chili.
While the kitchen is a warm and comfortable place to rebuild your motorcycle engine, please degrease the sink and countertop after draining the sump oil.
If you need an ice pick to remove anything from your freezer, and putting anything new into it is impossible, it may be ready for a defrost.
Bathroom:
In the absence of a toilet brush, using a facecloth to wipe around the rim, then leaving it unwashed in the bathroom sink does tend to distress the next person who uses it.
Using the same plunger for unblocking both the toilet and the kitchen sink can eventually lead to digestion problems.
Bedroom:
The correct disposition for used condoms is not to throw them out into the hallway (passers-by may slip and fall).
This one’s always bugged me - when cooking and stirring and tasting foods, don’t taste from the spoon then continue stirring with it - I don’t want your spit in my bowl of stew!
The answer is now 57?!? Just when I thought I knew about life, the universe and everything.
And finally, Deep Thought, ewwwww!
If you have walked through the mud outdoors, please scrape your shoes BEFORE entering the house and walking across the carpets. Better yet, take your muddy shoes off in the mud room and leave them there until you are ready to leave.
If you want to sample the dip, salad dressing, etc., do not use your fingers: use a clean spoon.
Flush. I do not need any more surprises in my life right now.
Re the above item: If the toilet does not fulfil its contractual obligation, tell me. Do not make me play guessing games like “Who the hell didn’t flush?”
I’m sorry, I guess I must not have been paying attention. Was there some kind of federal law passed that says that Mom is the only one allowed to put on a new roll of toilet paper?
If so, it must have been piggybacked onto the legislation that mandated the only safe storage of dirty socks to be under the coffee table.
Hey, Eft, I have dishes that walk. Must be, because everytime I say, “How did all these dirty dishes get in your bedroom?” nobody seems to know; ergo, they must bring themselves.