I slapped my attractive young assistant’s ass the other day, and then I spent 8 billion dollars on an electric toothbrush. I bribed an IRS agent with BBQ.
*A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines. - Frank Lloyd Wright
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I work for the IRS. I was on Investigative Reports last night. I victimize innocent poor people, even when they offer to pay bills that are totally without justification I still put them in jail. Have a nice day.
Death and Taxes, you know the rest.
“My drinking team has a Rugby problem.”
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And when they get to jail I make 'em work for peanuts just so that undercutting fat lazy businessmen can make an easy buck.
Guys keep calling me “Toots” and making me get coffee. (or worse!) 
“That basketball, was like a basketball to me!”
Is the Straight Dope just another front for the Illuminati?