[QUOTE=Sunspace]
Hey! There’s nothing wrong with us in Ontario! It’s not like we suddenly lapse into stir-fried mumble-wango gibberish yibble ack or anything.
[/QUOTE]
Perhaps we should read my comment as “we worry about our friends in Ontario having to put up with the crazy people who apparently buy art supplies in Ontario but in no other way are representative of the fabulous Ontarian community” ?
Back in high school I worked as a cashier in a grocery store. This woman refused to let us scan her groceries, she wanted them rung up by hand. When I asked her why, she pointed to the scanner and snarled, “Because of the radiation!”
I had an elderly lady who held a bag of flour like a baby. She let me scan it, but I wasn’t to put it in a bag, I had to give it back to her so she could cradle it.
When I worked at a TV station, I had a woman call and ask for the number to the AMA. When I verified that she was talking about the American Medical Association and said I didn’t have the number, she snapped that I should know it, because I knew what AMA stood for! I told her that was a fairly commonly known acronym, that she reached a TV station, and maybe she’d be better off calling a hospital.
[QUOTE=Mindfield]
(Time: About 3-4 years ago)
Man walks into my Black & Decker factory outlet. He is immediately surrounded by electric lawnmowers, power tools, power tool accessories, drill bits, saw blades, grinding wheels, augers, signs about mowing lawns, trimming hedges, cutting wood, drilling holes, and immediately off to his right, lines of people standing, tools in hand, waiting to book them in for service.
He walks to the counter, where I’m standing, and in a relatively thick accent, asked, “Is this the immigration office?”
I briefly considered spinning a tale about the migratory habits of the northern yellow-bellied thickness planer, but thought better of myself.
The real nutjob though was probably when I was working at Future Shop a couple of years earlier than that, in the entertainment department. (Video games, software, music and DVDs.) I got a phone call.
“Hiiii,” said the husky female voice on the other end in a slurred, lethargic voice that made me think the next words out of her mouth were going to be, “I just mainlined a turkey baster full of heroin.”
But my job was my job. “Hello, how can I help you?” I asked noncommittally.
“Do you sell movies?” she asked without emotion, but with the apparent motivation of hoping for an affirmative answer.
“Yes, we do.” I responded.
“Oh,” she replied dejectedly.
Seconds passed.
“Do you sell pornos?” she continued in the same uninflected tone.
“Um … no, no we don’t.” This was Future Shop after all. A mainstream big box electronics store. We don’t have kraft paper over the windows.
“Oh,” she said despondently.
Minutes passed.
“Do you like pornos?” she went on.
“Uh … no … not really.” She was freakin’ creeping me out. I wasn’t about get into a conversation with her involving sex, even by proxy.
“Oh,” she replied in a depressing manner.
Days passed.
“Would you like to watch pornos with me?” she asked, her complete lack of intonation seeming to suggest that she wanted me to – or not, really, she could go either way and would be just as happy with a bag of chips.
But she was incredibly creepy. “No,” I said flatly.
“Oh,” she said.
Somewhere, a new planet cooled and began to form life.
“Why not?”
Now let me be clear. I now had her squarely pegged as a druggie and possibly a psychopath, so I didn’t want to piss her off. Granted, the act of getting out of her chair/couch/laundry hamper would probably send her floating off into the ethereal plane with Elvis and a barking hoagie, so the chances of her coming by to brutally murder me were pretty slim. Still, slim was not zero. Also, I had no idea why the thought hadn’t yet crossed my mind to simply hang up on her. “No,” was all I said.
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because I’m married.”
“So?”
“I don’t cheat.” Seriously. Why am I still talking?
“Why not?”
Yeah. Done talking. I hung up.
[/QUOTE]
That was fantastic.
A few other not-all-there’s I’ve had to deal with:
An old man who was ‘testing’ the paintbrushes by gently brushing them on his cheeks (face, not butt). With each one, he’d utter some comment like, “Oooh yeah, that’s a soft one”, or “Hmm, some of these bristles are a bit prickly.” I still wonder if he intended to use them for painting. I was afraid to ask.
A girl who asked if we had any black ink that was “blacker than black”.
A girl wanting to know if we sold deodorant, then looked absolutely FLABBERGASTED when I said no.
A girl who asked how long a pen would last. When I said, “Depends on how much you use it,” she asked, “How much is that?”… I didn’t know what to say.
More than one person who has come in and wandered around browsing and looking like a lost puppy. I asked if they needed help, and they asked if this was the dance studio (which is the building next to me). Next time I’m tempted to say yes just to see what happens.
Thankfully, I have repressed the memories of most of the weirdos I’ve dealt with in my experience in the retail industry.
The one that sticks out due to sheer ignorance–nowhere near as weird as some of the real winners–was the girl who asked me “how I could sleep at night” with the cost of textbooks so high. Because I, the Almighty College Bookstore Cashier, with my incredible Minimum-Wage Earning Power and the Repricing Rays I could shoot out of my eyes, woke up every day with the goal of making life as difficult for my fellow students as possible. Drop deadlines? That’s me! Attendance requirements? Ha, that one was fun! Public speaking class in the general education curriculum? HA! That’s nothing compared to the next devious thing I have in store–the elimination of coed dorm halls! Muahahahahahahaha!
Apropos of nothing in particular, I loved all the exercise I got in boot camp. Then after my medical discharge I went home and gained back the 10 pounds I’d dropped to get in in the first place, plus the other 10 I sweated out pushing Texas into hell (Lacklandese for doing pushups), plus interest. 
Oooooo, you’re tech support for Solaris, aren’t you? Or BeOS? (Is that still around?)
What did you tell them?
[QUOTE=Bricker]
He ended by leaning over the counter and pointing at me, saying something like, “You won’t get away with this! I have RIGHTS!”
[/QUOTE]
This is a fabulous story.
Disheveled guy stumbling around: Uh. snort You like the Joy Luck Club? The book? Yeah, I’m asking you. snort, snuffle Hey, what’s your problem? Why’re you being a bitch to me? Stop being a bitch!
Myself: …omg I love you, random passing security person.
[QUOTE=Bobotheoptimist]
Having met a few people like this - “I believe so, but you do know you have to ground it, right? I recommend you run some of this wire down your leg and attach it to a copper mesh on the sole of your shoes.”
[/QUOTE]
You know, I thought about something like this afterwards, but at the time stunned silence was pretty much all I could manage.
I live in Canada and worked as a waiter in a restaurant on the main tourist route to Alaska.
One day I served a couple from the lower 48 on their way to Alaska.
Wife: (excited) We are driving to Alaska!
Me: Excellent! You are really going to enjoy it. Watch out for bears (ha ha)!
Wife: (startled) What do you mean?
Me: Oh. Well, when you are stopped on the side of the highway, just pay attention. No big deal.
Wife; (alarmed) You mean for bears?
Me: Yea.
Wife (Upset, grabs husband’s arm): Oh no! I don’t know about this trip!!
Me: No, no… Just wait a minute. All I’m saying is if you stop on the side of the highway for a break, don’t go wandering up a creek or into the woods or whatever without paying a little attention, that’s all. No big deal. No cause for alarm, just be “Bear Aware”, that’s all.
Wife (upset): “Bear Aware?”
Me: Yea. Just, you know, don’t go running full blast through a stand of Saskatoon berry trees without making yourselves known and looking around first. Other than that, you’ll be fine. Really.
Wife (upset): Oh My God!!
Me: No, no… Ok, just forget everything I said. Just go on your trip. It will be fine and you’ll love it. Just go. Ignore everything I just said…
I walked away from that table with them huddled together in fear, wondering if they ever continued with their trip or if they turned around and retraced the thousands of miles they had come.
Back in my retail days, I once had a customer accuse me of being a racist because the store was sold out of red baseball caps in her son’s size.
The funny thing is, we had the right size in every colour but the one she wanted… but she specifically wanted the red and she knew for a fact that I must have some in storage that I was saving for my white customers. Clearly, I was just lying to her because she was black.
No matter how much I tried to explain, she was adamant that the hat was there and I was lying through my teeth because my job as whitey was to keep her down.
She finally gave up when I had a black coworker go to the storeroom and confirm that there were indeed no caps in the requested colour and size.
:rolleyes:
But that guy was clearly just lying to keep the white man happy!
Before I got there, the Borders I used to work at had an interesting customer. She did something similar–screamed and screamed because some book or other wasn’t there–and then she yelled “YOU’RE JUST KEEPING IT FROM ME BECAUSE I’M A LESBIAN!”
Turned out the manager she was screaming at was also a lesbian, and despite her apparent ability to read customer’s minds and magically determine their sexual orientation, was not actually persecuting her as a representative of the Straight White Man.
I used to work in a book store.
Some interesting conversations include:
Customer: “I’m looking for a book by J.R.R. Tolkien, it’s called Bilbao.”
Me: “Would that be Bilbo, by any chance?”
Customer: scoffs “I think I’d know if that was the case. It’s BilbAo.”
Me: “I’m sorry, but he never wrote a book by that name.”
Customer: “Yes he did! And it’s called Bilbao.”
(rinse and repeat, until customer stomps off in frustration, refusing to buy Bilbo)
Trekkie: “So is the season X box set of Voyager out yet?”
Me: “Not yet, I’m afraid. Looks like it’s been delayed.”
Trekkie: bangs head on counter and calmly walks off with an angry red bump on his forehead
Teen Occultist: “I’d like to buy… (lowers voice) the Necronomicon.”
Me: “Sure, I can order that for you.”
Teen Occultist: “I see why you don’t keep it in the store… it’s dangerous stuff, that book. Have you read it?”
Me: “Yes.”
Teen Occultist: “Then you know he was right.”
Me: “You know it’s not really written by a mad arab, right?”
Teen Occultist: "That’s what they want you to think."
And when we asked a girl to leave who had been spending a few hours in the store reading the books and cracking the spines on them:
“If you make me leave, I’m going to infect you all with ebola.”
This thread, like others in the past that have dealt with retail experiences, reinforces my determination to avoid that avenue of employment at all costs. If some of these stories were included in a TV show, viewers would declare that it was just unrealistic!
I’m loving it! Keep 'em coming!
[QUOTE=Obsidian]
One of my Dad’s employees in his store is of Iranian descent. One day, she was helping a customer, and he commented that her name was pretty. She replied that it was Persian. . . and this dude launches into a tirade about the middle east, making sure to use “towelhead” and “sand n*gger” in his diatribe. Everyone was so flabbergasted it took them a couple moments to do anything other than stare with their mouths open.
Only person my father’s ever had to remove bodily from the premises.
[/QUOTE]
Wow!! A week or so ago we are officially closed and finishing with a few customers. I see one employee talking to a man in a trans am in the parking lot, telling him we’re closed evidently. A minute later a family comes back to purchase a $500 item they had looked at earlier. They know what they want and they have cash so of course I let them in. I notice Mr Trans Am still sitting looking at the store from his car.
While I am ringing up my customer he calls on his cell and tells me he’s in the parking lot and would like to come in.
I apologize and tell him we’re closed and the only people in here are finishing a transaction. It’s too late to shop. He comments that he just saw me let those sand ng*** in, at which point I hang up on him.
He calls back a minute later to tell say “Dan that was really sorry”
Me; “Yeah it sure was. Don’t you ever talk about our customers like that. Don’t ever shop here at all because we don’t want you or your money” SLAM!! It was actually gratifying.
[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
I don’t know if this guy was insane, or just a nasty, cranky old man, but just today this happened: A patient had called to have his pathology report on his melanoma sent to a doctor we had not recommended him to see. We’d sent him to a plastic surgeon, which is standard procedure. The guy wanted to see a MOHS surgeon (does skin cancer removals but not melanomas) instead of plastics. I told him I’d check with the doctor and call him back. I call him back and tell him, no, the doctor wants him to see a plastic surgeon, and this is why, blah blah blah.
The guy totally freaks out and starts screaming about how DARE I tell him what to do! This is HIS money, and he’s going to see the MOHS surgeon, whether I like it or not!
I calmly told him that I would let the doctor know, and we hung up. Reported back to my doctor what the guy said, and then my doctor called him. He advised him of why he needs to see a plastic surgeon, not the doctor he wants to see, and that verbal abuse of his staff will not be tolerated. After he got off the phone, he told me that he’s going to fire that patient for acting like that. I love my doctor- he always backs us up. Unlike the doctor I used to work for, who would stab his staff in the back for a dollar any day of the week.
Most of our patients are perfectly nice, rational people, but a couple times a week or so you come across a crazy one. Their absurd rants just out of the blue can really put a damper on your whole day.
[/QUOTE]
That’s how it should be. I used to work for cooperate chains that always kissed ass even of the rudest of customers. It was awful. Now I work for an independent store and customers can vent if they need to but the second they get abusive they get a very direct warning. Cease and desist or get out. Those are the only two choices they get.
I had one employee who was helping a customer who casually referred to another employee as a f*cking idiot. He politely corrected the man telling him that was inappropriate and uncalled for.
“Hey I spend a lot of money in here”
“It has nothing to do with money, it’s still wrong”
Customer storms out.
[QUOTE=Amazon Floozy Goddess]
Say yes, and then start dancing like crazy!!!
After years in retail I have a few but these two will suffice.
Many years ago I was selling Packard Bell computers at Sears when A nice older gent came up and started telling me about the trip he was taking to some other state. I listened patiently for a few minutes thinking he would eventually mention what it was he needed in the computer department for his trip. He didn’t , so I interrupted and asked.
"Excuse me sir, was there something I could help you with?"
" why yes, Could you tell me what gate my plane will leave from"
:confused:
Years later at Circuit City a customer bought several things from us to set up a home network, as well as a few things from another store. He calls and asks me to explain how thing X that he didn’t buy from us works. I politely explained that since he didn’t buy it from us I don’t know. He got very upset and demanded my name so he could tell my manager who was responsible for him returning everything. I told him I’d be glad to answer his question if I knew but I wasn’t familiar with the item since we didn’t carry it and I honestly didn’t know.
Now he’s screaming into the phone “Just give me your name!” I’m afraid I started laughing it was so surreal.
If I was a little quicker I’d have said " I apologize, when you first called I mistook you for an adult."
[QUOTE=ralph124c]
The other funpeople who would bring back some pice of junk (broken old tols, dead pants, etc.) looking for a refund. .
[/QUOTE]
Where do you get live pants, anyway?
[QUOTE=Mahna Mahna]
Back in my retail days, I once had a customer accuse me of being a racist because the store was sold out of red baseball caps in her son’s size.
The funny thing is, we had the right size in every colour but the one she wanted… but she specifically wanted the red and she knew for a fact that I must have some in storage that I was saving for my white customers. Clearly, I was just lying to her because she was black.
No matter how much I tried to explain, she was adamant that the hat was there and I was lying through my teeth because my job as whitey was to keep her down.
She finally gave up when I had a black coworker go to the storeroom and confirm that there were indeed no caps in the requested colour and size.
:rolleyes:
[/QUOTE]
I am afraid that if I was that black co-worker, I would have mumbled that I wasn’t allowed in the storeroom because the good stuff was only for white folks. :eek: :smack: