Keep off the Grass: A bio-informative relational asymptote of neo-gregorian polyprophylactic combinatorialities
What happens when a bunch of monks are caught humping in the middle of Wimbledon’s center court.
Mozman: Unfortunatly no.
I remember it was by some people from the Math department at MIT. It was published in a jounral with the name “Experimental Primate Morphology” or something like that.
The paper read like two grad students blew 20k on beer and then realized they had to come up with some data to justify the grant.
A multidimensional model of the effect of gravity on the spatial orientation of the monkey
By Merfeld et al
Journal of Vestibular Research 1993, 3: 141-161
Mozman: I have to go to the library and brave the feral cats/raccoons and the fleas to read that article 
I’ll get back to you
[hijack]
It kinda does, at that…what texts are you looking at?
[/hijack]
Smoke 'em if you [haven’t] got 'em: Postcoital alkaloid consumption among the cognitively deprived.
(Why stupid people smoke after sex.)
Who Floo Poo: A culturally-referenced view of Asian naming practices in terms of modern scatology and cognitive theory.
(A bigot saying that Asian names sound like shit because Asians are stupid.)
A bioinformational investigation of Ohm’s Law vis a vis ignition points and the tolerance of the peripheral nervous system.
(A bunch of idiots standing around shocking themselves until they fry something or become paralyzed.)
This is fun. 
Bifid Locality in an Ontological Void: The Aesthetics of a Minimal Data Set
(two points make a straight line)
Deformable Cranial Shielding: A Materialist Perspective on Coleridge’s Rara Avis
(down pillows are comfy)
**Alternate modalities in reasoning and persuasion: the infinite potential of non-linear conceptuality and invention. **
(If you make stuff up and abandon logic, you can prove anything.)
Olfactory responses to cognitive stimuli in an authority group setting.
(My committee has just informed me that my first idea for a dissertation stank.)
Divine approval and social stigma(ta): an expression of universal love in Christianity for the unpopular
(Jesus loves you–everyone else thinks you’re a jerk.)
Triple blind experimental design: further uses of randomization in clinical drug trials
(The subjects don’t know what they’re getting, the techs don’t know what they’re giving, and the investigator doesn’t know what she’s doing.)
<hijack> Yersinia, I love Bifid Locality in an Ontological Void: The Aesthetics of a Minimal Data Set. What are you studying? </hijack>
Oh, God. Now I can’t stop them from coming.
Morphological changes in Blatta orientalis (Insecta: Blattidae) under pressure
(Those big Oriental cockroaches squish if you step on them.)
I have to go home and get some sleep. It’s 12:30 am already, and I have to leave for classes tomorrow morning by 9. And it takes half an hour to walk home, and I have to have a bunch of crap written up by tomorrow…<groan>.
Thanks, Scribble, I’m doing Victorian lit.
Jeez, these are sort of addictive aren’t they?
Paradigmatic Vocalizations in Heteroglossic Narratives of Affinal-Differential Responsibility
“She did it!” “No, it’s his fault!”
Lack of correlation between nupital gift frequency and mating success in social situations
(Why she won’t put out after buying her dinner)
Context effects and transference interactions of competitive high level cognitive and motor tasks
(Excuses for why I loose at Starcraft)
Should I or Shouldn’t I? Evaluating the Primacy of Inane Word Games Among 21st Century Discourse on the Pointless and Mundane
(to bump or not to bump)
Genius.
Deconstructing Neo-Classic Nonproductive Retro-Aesthetic Substantiations Within Chronological Restraints.
or
What I Did On My Summer Vacation
By Billy Finklestein, age 24
"Oh, That This Too Solid Flesh Would Melt:" Debating Optico-Cognitive Perceptions of Gluteal Modalities within a Darwinian Framework of Sexual Selection
Do you think my butt looks fat in these pants?
from a Women’s Studies faculty near you…
The Toothless Predator: Breastfeeding as Sexual Assault
Neo-classical Chinese burial urn pottery techniques with modern applications for reinforcement against brief rapid temperature spikes.
“How I made a bong during art class”
The Incredible Journey: Alternative Methodologies of European Post-Colonialist Fricative Locomotion
How to rub up against the Queen of Netherlands