For dog’s sakes, will the right people please read this!
Cause the Dog’s rules will do you right…
They’re simple, and they’re easy. Now lissen up!
If anyone on your gift list is really into something – like wine, or really good coffee, or fishing, or quilting, or gaming, or carving ice sculptures of historic events – and you aren’t… PLEASE OH PLEASE DON’T GET THEM ANYTHING REMOTELY RELATED TO THEIR INTEREST!
When buying gifts for kids, the first question to ask yourself is, “How loud could this thing possibly become, when used with a determined disregard for manufacturer’s instructions and God-given common sense?”
Sample’s advice: Buy gifts that are slightly luxurious, that no one would buy for themselves, and – most importantly – that go away.
You are so right. If the giftee is passionate about the topic, he/she is already well aware of whatever item you have picked out. He either owns it already, or has already rejected it as not worth owning.
Although I don’t agree with not buying something your giftee loves. Sometimes it’s the only guideline you have. Personally, I love cows and cow related items. I have many in my collection but I always get more as gifts around the holidays, and I am nothing short of pleased.
I collect fountain pens. I love them. I talk about them all the time. I show them off when people come over. What did I used to get for presents?
Ball point pens. Fancy ones, yes. Pretty, even. The problem is that ball point pens != fountain pens.
Anyhow. A corollary to your first point: If you know someone collects something, for the love of god, please add to that collection rather than getting something that’s “close enough”, ok? If someone collects piano music boxes, don’t get a musical jewelry box just to “spice up the collection”. She collects piano music boxes because she plays the piano, you dipshit!
As to your second point, namely:
Man, you take the fun out of EVERYTHING. What would Christmas be without a competition to see who would buy the most obnoxiously noisy toy?! Dude, noise and annoyance is what Christmas is all about!
The point is it’s a crapshoot, and if someone has a hobby that they’re particularly into, they know more about it than you do. If you don’t know as much as they do, you won’t be able to buy an appropriate item.
See, the year after sis bought me that ballpoint she found a “special fountain pen” on Ebay. There is, apparently, this whole fountain pen subculture that is made up of woodworkers who buy sub-standard fountain pen hardware and stick it together in hopes of making a profit.
The bad news is that the fountain pen SUCKED.
The good news is that the barrel and cap of the pen were made of box elder. That is the same tree under which we spent our growing-up years. There was one over our front door and another at the corner of our pasture. If we weren’t climbing them we were playing with the box elder bugs or the helicopters or the roots or in the area.
I’m not stupid. I know she saw the “box elder” tag and connotated our childhood. The pen still sucks, but I know she chose that item because of how and where we grew up. That crappy pen means more to me than my original Parker 51 because she put that thought into it.
I was educated about that whole crappy sub-fountain-pen culture. SHE was educated about that whole crappy sub-fountain-pen culture well AFTER the fact (cos it’s just rude to tell sis that her gifts suck right THEN - you tell them after the fact, y’know?). And right now I have this lovely artifact of those rare care-free moments of my childhood in my pen case.
++++++++++++++++++++
I didn’t realize until just now how much that crappy pen to me. It really is the thought that counts. Complaints about the resultant gifts are base and petty.
My godmother is the world’s worst gift-giver (bless her heart, etc.) I collect Seraphim angels, and I only collect the larger ones - these puppies run about 50-60 bucks each, and I would never suggest that someone (besides my husband) buy one for me. Unfortunately, my godmother heard I collect angels. So one Christmas, she bought me two packages, of 50 each, one-inch tall, glow-in-the-dark angel ornaments. Where she found such weird things I can’t even begin to imagine. She phoned here once and my husband was watching a football game. Probably the ONLY football game he has ever seen in his entire life. Since then, she has given him slipper-socks with the Chicago Bears logo, a poster of the Chicago Bears, a Chicago Bears coffee mug… She does mean well, but she doesn’t get it AT ALL.
My mother-in-law is an outright EVIL gift-giver. I made the mistake of groaning once, 17 years ago, in a K-Mart because she had found a canister with a country-cute goose on it. You know, that goose with the blue bow around its neck? She said, “Isn’t that cute?” and I said, “I hate that stupid goose, I’m sick of seeing it.” Seventeen YEARS, people – and since then I have received, from my mother-in-law, no less than 20 items with that goddamned goose on them. I open a gift, see that goose, and she cackles madly. “I know how much you LOVE that goose!” she chortles.
This isn’t my problem. I’m going to buy your kid something you wouldn’t buy him, (well, as long as I know it’s not something you think may harm him), and you can just deal with the racket! Kids deserve a little spoiling!
translation: Oh, no! not another stupid rubber squeaky newspaper! I told you I wanted a new cedarlined bed with a sheepskin pad! You cheapskate!!! I’m going to poop in your shoe, you big-thing-that-smells-like-cat! Grrrrrr…
While you know I collect art glass, you also know that there isn’t any place in my current abode to show off said purdy things. In fact, last week when you asked me where all my art glass is, I reminded you that everything is still in boxes due to lack of show-off space. Of course you must now give me a beautiful piece that I must bring downstairs, carefully boxed back up, and stack it with the rest of the collection. Here’s a hint. BUY ME A CURIO CABINET.
Please make sure you cut all the tags of any piece of clothing too. I truly have no desire to attempt to return the hideous blue sweater, of which I have no idea what size it is or who the manufacturer is due to its’ taglessness. The local secondhand store truly appreciates your gifts also.
Lastly, when giving LilMiss her present plase make sure it includes underwear or socks. Kids LOVE receiving underwear and socks along with an age inappropriate toy. For bonus points, make sure the underwear are too small and have dorky designs on them. (Last year Gramma gave her Dora the Explorer draws two sizes too small. Oh was LilMiss a happy camper).
I guess why this type of thing bothers me so much is that we write down what we want under a certain monetary limit. No where on my list was art glass. No where did it say clothing. Yet… sigh
So many comments right on the mark. I was going to open a similar thread last week, but I really didn’t want to come across as petty or ingracious (sp?). I still feel guilty writing this, but I truly feel compelled to.
Last Christmas, all I really wanted from my mother was a full-sized umbrella. Not a little crapjob with the button you push, and it barely covers your head. Something manual, one like my father had when I was growing up. Something you can find in every men’s department in America.
Christmas morning, she had gotten me tons of gifts (way too many for someone who’s 28 years old!), and in the final (small) box, was a little crapjob umbrella. “I couldn’t find a big one, and you said you didn’t want one with the button.” God love her.
When I was young, I played the piano. What I really wanted then was a keyboard. I nice big one to put in my room and practice on and play around on. I knew they were expensive, so I offered to combine my birthday present with it (which is in September). Christmas morning I received a tiny little 1 1/2 octave keyboard.
Yes, yes, it’s the thought that counts. I appreciate that axiom as genuine. But I ended up (wrongly) resenting that substitute keyboard, and never ever used it. But I also got a watch and a boombox that Christmas, either of which could have been nicely upgraded with the cost of that keyboard.
