I’m so going through that door.
I don’t have any kids, and my folks would always have my sister to pester. I currently have no job, and the vast majority of my phone calls and mail are from various places demanding money from me (conversely, the majority of my emails are from unknown people with Eastern European sounding names who seem terribly concerned that I am satisfied with the size/functionality of my dude parts… but that’s a conversation for another day). I have no girlfriend or dating prospects at the moment, and I am slowly but surely losing my ongoing battle with the cockroaches for control of my apartment.
Don’t get me wrong - my point is not to complain, and I’m probably far more content with my current existence than the above would seem to indicate. All I’m saying is, at the moment, I don’t have too many compelling reasons not to go through the door.
The main thing I would miss is my guitar. However, it seems extremely likely that I was carrying it when I encountered the Red Door of Grey Mistery, so I assume that I can take it along on this lil’ adventure.
Now, quick question - does the door have any locks on it? If so, are they on my side or the grey mist side? I’m still gonna go through the door either way, but it’s worth taking a second to see if I can determine whether it was designed to keep something out, or to keep something in. I lived in an old apartment a few years back, and one of the bedrooms had a door with a sliding bolt lock, except it was on the outside. That thing creeped me out the entire time I lived there.
As an aside, I’d probably be more reassured if the doormat that materialized with the door was one of the gag ones that say “Go Away” or “Piss Off” or something to that effect. That way, at least I’d know that whoever conjured this whole thing up has a sense of humor. Not that those joke doormats are all that funny, but hey, at least he/she/it is trying.
Anyway, as stated, I’d go through the door in the end. But probably not until the counter got right down to 1. For those 30 seconds, I imagine I’d try various things first. Blowing real hard at the mist to see if any of it moves away. Sticking my head through the doorway. Standing directly in the middle of the door way, with one leg in mist-land and the other in my apartment (or wherever I was before the door arrived). Shouting into the doorway to see if there’s an echo. Glaring menacingly through the mist in case the potential creature on the other side is so unfamiliar with humans that they might actually be intimidated by someone who looks as goofy as I do. And during each of these activities, I would in all likelihood be talking to myself. Loudly.
I know, I know, Czarcasm already said that none of these tactics would help at all. Fair enough, I can accept that. I’m just letting you know what my pre-entry procedure would be.
So, now that I’ve rambled… the timer gets to one, and I rush through the door, with my guitar in my hand and the rabid cries of bloodthirsty bill collectors slowly fading behind me. What happens next?