The DUH! Report

The BBQ Pit
1

I just read the thread about Condit admitting he had an affair with the now-missing intern. When this was announced on CNN, I had to say, DUH!

Other entries for the week: (paraphrased)

“NASCAR drivers deny fixing race for Little E”

“Baseball officials deny giving Ripken easy pitch”

Hell, anytime a famous person is accused of something and then they deny it publicly, I am forced to say, DUH!

I would really love to see these scenarios:
“When asked whether or not they rigged the race so that Dale, Jr, could win at the track where his father was killed, the other 41 drivers said, “Well, of course we did. What the hell kind of question is that?””

OR

“Mr. Senator, did you have an affair with that intern and are you responsible for her disappearance?”

“Yes! I can’t believe you reporters are getting paid to ask such stupid questions. Jeez!”

OR

“When asked if they released tons of toxic waste into the city’s drinking water supply, Big Time Corporation’s CEO replied, “You bet your ass we did. What the hell are we supposed to do with it? Dispose of it properly? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! What? Are you all crazy?””

2

“Mr/Ms Running For Political Office, once you are in power, how are things going to be different?”

“Well, for starters, I’m going to be the one getting the kickbacks, sweet deals, and taking advantage of the system.”

“No, we meant something more along the lines of what will you do to improve conditions for the people that you will represent?”

“How about “Nothing”? What do you think I’m running for office for, their health? Grow up, would you?”
followed by evil, demoniacal laughter.

3

A candidate like this would actually get me in the voting booth (haven’t voted since 1992) - I appreciate honesty.

4

I would vote for any candidate capable of proper maniacal laughter. This is imperative for any leader. None of this high-pitched Clintonite giggling, or Bush’s huh-huh-huh, but a full-on three minute madman’s cackle. Preferably prefaced with some suitably megalomaniacal statement lie “I’ll show them all! SHOW THEM ALL, I WILL!”

5

Well in that case I’d like to announce my bid for the presidency of the United States.

MUUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I’ll rule you all with an iron fist!