A 10 lb. barbell weight - I’m not sure why…just to see if we could.
A large axe - Put the head in the pocket of my army jacket, and had the handle running up my sleeve.
A set of railroad crossing lights - We were considerate thieves. We made sure the remaining set still functioned.
This was in high school, and we mostly took useless things for kicks. I can’t remember us ever taking things because we actually wanted them. For some reason, that seemed wrong…
We also loved to steal the “Shoplifters Will Be Prosecuted” signs.
God, where to begin, I was a fiend as a teenager. Musta lifted my own bodyweight in Smarties over the years. I also lifted a number of Star-Trek models (the kind you build and paint), including the replica of the TOS bridge.
The most meaningless however was a 3-pack of sport-socks on a whim about 5 years ago. I spend 300 dollars in the store, and lifted a 3 buck pack of socks.
When we were teenagers, my friends and I liberated dozens of road signs and stuff, and then on April 1 we set up a diversion that directed cars round the village and down a dead-end.
Again as a teenager, when I worked in a gas station, the manager discovered that our wages were being docked without our knowledge. We were being paid £1.40 an hour - £1 f*cking 40!?!??! - while our employers were being sent £3.50 per hour by the gas company to pay us. The scumbags were trousering £2.10 for every bloody hour we worked. So he worked out how to embezzle from the cash register, and taught us employees too so we could get the salary we were meant to. I never paid for gas, cigarettes, oil, or car parts.
Things have changed - the other day I got overpaid by €10 in the bank, and I walked out going “hee hee!” Then I came to my senses and went and handed it back, because I didn’t want to get the girl behind the counter into trouble.
I once stole a handful of decorative glass marbles from a vase display at the mall. My mother heard them clinking about in my pocket and made me return them.
In college I stole a cardboard poster from a liquor store featuring Pierce Brosnan as James Bond in Goldeneye. It was for Bollinger: The Champagne of James Bond. It graces the bar area of my apartment.
(1) VHS copy of Fast Times at Richmont High
(2) cassette tape of Bon Jovi’s Slippery When Wet
(3) cassette tape of Beastie Boys’ License To Ill
(4) Pint of Thunderbird wine (several times)
(5) BB/Dart pistol
(6) Stop sign
(7) The ubiquitous traffic cone
(8) several packs of cigarettes
(9) countless lighters
…to name but a few. Ah, the days of mis-spent youth.
Just remembered something that was really stupid (if ingenious to us). On holidays staying in a mobile home by the beach, we would steal the gas regulators from peoples gas-tanks and return them to the local shop for the deposit. We spent the money on video games.
You guys are sick sick sick! Stealing is so wrong.
Ok, now that the obligatory remarks have been made… I once stole my friends zippo lighter because he was trying to quite and too weak to actually stop and too poor to buy another lighter. Somehow he always had money to buy cigarettes though, go figure. I had also stolen a piece of candy when I was 4 or 5 and my mom caught me and made me feel bad about it. I still got to eat the candy and it was good. I also got some “blinkies” as another poster calls them a few times but when my friends and I got them we were destructive. We just ripped them off the mountings and if that ruined them, then we went for another. And last but not least, when I was 14 I attempted to steal a CD from a mall music store… I got caught by the manager and when he started shouting for security, I ran, managed to avoid the security people by running through the sewer drains that I played in (and knew the 5 or 6 exits), and then hid out in the woods for a while before walking home. I never stole anything after that.
I put a porn mag I found in a department store bathroom up my coat sleeve. Unfortunately, I was there trying on sport jackets with my parents and they soon saw the lump and made me pull it out. I was at just the wrong age, about 14 or so and it was damn humiliating. Good thing I wasn’t there buying pants.
My friends and I were in a mom-and-pop dollar store my freshman year of high school, and the lady behind the counter (the only employee working at the time) decided to follow us around the store, making sure we wouldn’t steal any of the dusty old sunfaded $.99 merchandise. We left and broke for some pizza next door, and then came back. No sooner than we had come in did the woman step in front of us and scowl, pointing a finger at my friend Sarah.
“You,” she said. “You are not welcome here. Neither are you,” she pointed at another friend. We, being the nasty kids we were, told her we hadn’t done anything wrong and ignored her by walking to the back of the store. We conspired, and decided that if she was going to condemn us, there should at least be a reason. So we stole these slanty old house numbers, the kind you see on trailers. We stole a “.”, “-”, and “7”. I never did go back into that store.
Also, when I was 11, I loved Sailor Moon and was very envious of my friend Ann’s Sailor Moon pin. At a sleepover at her house when everyone was asleep, I took the pin and put it in my overnight bag. Sometime later when Ann was at my house, she saw the pin stuck to one of my jackets and asked if it was hers (since she had noticed hers was missing). I told her I’d found this one in the schoolyard.
I swiped a big, heavy monkey wrench from a hardware store when I was fourteen. Why? I have absolutely no fricken idea. I had no use for it whatsoever, and I’m still not really sure what it’s for (plumbing maybe?).
Consequences? I’m compelled to drag the stupid thing around with me until I find some use for it or lose it. Whatever comes first.
A note for all those stop sign thieves out there: just remember that a few years ago, two people in Florida were convicted of second-degree murder after stealing a stop sign and a fatal accident occurred at that intersection later that night.
Gads, I hate getting more responsible as I age. I’m turning into my parents.
–Patch, who now gets traffic signs free where he works
Hey, me too! I stole a piece of red gravel from a nursery bin, because I thought it was so pretty. Then it preyed on my conscience for days, until I finally threw it out in a field.
Four math textbooks, different grade levels, from the supply closet at my elementary school … so that I could read them for entertainment. Well, they had these puzzle stories in them that were really pretty good, but I think it still makes me a certified geek.
-A tiny packet of sewing needles. Probably about .49 retail, this being about 30 years ago when I was five. I was taking them to give to my mom for Mother’s Day. When I did, she drove me back to the store and made me apologize and return them.
-A “men’s” magazine called “Juggs.” I must have been around 12 or 13 here. Got caught putting it into my gym bag by the clerk and taken to the police station in a cop car! Yow! They made my parents come pick me up. Mom: “Why?” coy: “Well, I’m not old enough to BUY them.”
Damn. I was a little klepto for a while as a kid, so there’s a lot of possibilities for this. However, I think the dumbest thing would either have to be the Barbie doll pillow I stole from my friend’s house when I was five (I never did find anything to use it for, since I didn’t have a dollhouse), or the pins from the door hinges at my first job (the doors had long since been removed, but the pins were still there. I think I still have one of them in my underwear drawer.). Oh, or the instructions for a reubiks cube out of the package, so I could figure out how to unscramble the key-chain cube I bought. The rest of the thefts were pretty mundane.
Whilst at University, I took a stool from a pub. I had to get a taxi home cos I didn’t want to take it on the bus. I remember thinking “If I just act cool, like I don’t have an obviously nicked piece of furniture, the taxi driver won’t call the police or anything”. It worked.
It hung around our student house for ages, then I gave it to a friend. Her Mum recovered it with pretty fabric, and she now has it in her front room.
I think it’s the only thing I’ve ever stolen, and I have no idea why I took it. Well, apart from the booze. Obviously.
Wouldn’t they have just loaned them to you if you had asked? It seems to me that they would have been absolutely thrilled to have a student that interested in math.
LOL*These are so funny.
Let’s see…
a package of cotton candy flavored Bubblicious gum
a fake bat
a cassette copy of Elvis Presley’s “Greatest Hits”
a cassette copy of Beastie Boys’ “License to Ill”
a hardback copy of George Carlin’s “Brain Droppings”(why?Just to see if I could.I stuck it in a HUGE leather purse I carried at the time and just WALKED out with it.I can’t believe I didn’t get caught…)
Pencils
Pens
An expired chocolate and rum truffle from Godiva(where I used to work…it was EXPIRED…it’s not like they could sell it or anything)
Toilet Paper…one of those HUGE ass rolls…I think I got it from a McDonald’s
Smallish plastic/rubber Tigger souvenier from a shop at Disneyworld
IDBB
When my brother was 7-9 years old, (I can’t remember which) he and another kid stole some vegetables from the Methodist Church’s vegetable garden. The theft was exposed after my brother went around the neighborhood selling them and a neighbor called my mom and commented on the lovely tomatoes that my brother had sold her.:eek:
My mom called the other kids mom and said that she was going to take my brother over to the church to apoligize and would they like a ride. The other mom said, “Oh, we don’t think it wasa big deal, so we won’t be going.”:rolleyes:
That’s right, there’s nothing bad about STEALING VEGETABLES FROM A CHURCH’S VEGETABLE GARDEN.:rolleyes:
Sheesh.
I’m not the least bit religious and even I know that’s a BAD THING.
Anyhoo, my mom and brother went over to the church, and my brother apologized to the priest and offered to pay for the vegetables. The priest accepted the cash and then proceeded to ream my brother out for 20 minutes, telling him that he was "the evilest person I have ever known" and that “there is no way that you will get into heaven. You are going to Hell where you will burn and burn and burn and burn and burn for all eternity.”
Real nice.
Needless to say my brother was in tears for the next 4-5 hours.
When I was in college my 3 roommates and I went out to eat at a TGIFridays around Halloween. In the back of the restaurant they had a big cardboard standup of Dracula which was colored a hideous purple/dark green/brown.
One of my roommates, Seth got fixated on the damn thing and kept saying he was going to take it with him.
We finished up and as we were leaving Seth grabbed the standup and went wealking to the exit. The assistant manager saw him and said, "Where are you going with that?"
