'Twas the night before Easter, And all through the home
The boy played video games the girl on the phone;
I’d just eaten a can of chilled bartlett pears
And turned off the light that was over the stairs
The children were nestled all snug in their rooms,
the girl listening to Enya, the boy’s Eminem booms;
And mamma in her teddy, me with muscles a-flex,
Had just settled down for a long night of sex,
When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a bull,
Gave my nuts a quick scratch and my dick a quick pull.
The moon was obscured by the city’s bright glow
But the street light let me see objects below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a big freaking bunny, with long furry ears,
With a basket of candy, and lots of bright eggs,
This damn bunny I thought, is out of it’s head.
More rapid than eagles he hopped 'round the grass,
I decided to put a bullet in his ass;
“Now, Heckler! now, Koch.! now, Smith and Wesson!
It’s time to teach this damn bunny a lesson!
To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!
He hopped like a drunkard having a ball!”
As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the house-top the rabbit he bounced,
God bless it, new shingles, that bunny’s getting trounced.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard a loud thump
Climbed a ladder to find the Bunny in a slump.
As I grabbed my shotgun, and was chambering a round,
The little bastard sprang up with a leap and a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, well, no shit he’s a bunny,
I figured I’d skin him and sell him for money;
A basket of junk food was over his arm,
And he looked like a reject from a genetics farm.
His eyes – how black! like a sign of death!
His nose powdered round with leftover meth!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the whiskers were as white as the snow;
The stump of a crack pipe was between his buck teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;
“what the hell”, asked he, “are you doing with that gun?”,
“I’m the fricking Easter bunny, this is supposed to be fun.”
He was weaving and staggering, and smelled like a dump,
And I smiled just to fool him, gave the shotgun a pump;
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon told me that I had plenty to dread;
He lashed out with a kick, but my gun did it’s work,
I pulled the trigger; and the gun gave a jerk,
After the shot I gave a mighty pose,
For I’d blown off his whiskers and part of his nose!
He sprang to the side, And screamed like a bitch,
You justh funging shot me, whan tha heww id thinse?
I didn’t answer, just blew him away to make sure,
Happy Easter to all, would you like a nice fur?
Have a beer on me!