The etiquette of the orgy (TMI)

I used to belong to a group of people that had a social every month, always at the same hotel. Security was tight, and single males were excluded.

There is a certain SF Con in the Twin Cities that reserves a floor for “adult activities” Some of these are Open Parties.

(I only know that because I have friends who have run the convention and they were discussion the “Adults Only on the X Floor” signs they had to put up all over the place. Apparently, in addition to participants, there is some amount of “tourist traffic.”)

The book Etiquette for Outlaws by Rob Cohen and David Wollock covers the rules for good manners at an orgy, along with the polite way to tip a stripper, deal drugs, or crash a biker bar.

There used to be a guy in Berlin who had a room that was nothing but a huge mattress. (Back when the worst disease you could catch was non life-threatening.)

He would invite about 20 guys who all had to be there at 11 pm or the door would be locked.

At exactly 11:05 the guests were told to strip and go into the next room.

Some went in immediately, others had a few more drinks and went in later.

The object of an orgy is to have fun. Thus, if you are not interested in someone, you don’t play. Granted, this is an orgy that has more than three people. The trick, so to speak, is to not be rude. You can always roll over, or move to another side of the room/bed.

The best Gay orgies I have been to were designed to have multiple tops and few bottoms. Took the guesswork out of the mix.

Plnnr, why were single males excluded? I mean, Ralph Halpern aside, we men only have a few charges, but women can keep on going, so shouldn’t there be more men than women?

Real men don’t pull the trigger until they have the target:)

Can’t speak for Plnnr but in the hotel parties and clubs that I’ve been familiar with, as well as most private home parties, it is a swinger group. Although some differ, mostly single guys, there is no such thing as a swinging single. Singles are excluded because primarily because of numbers. Don’t believe me? Put up an ad for a party and see how many single guys reply. For every one couple, you’ll get at least a dozen guys thinking that it is a free for all just for them. Which brings the next point, respect and order.

Singles in general don’t understand the no means no rule, and have a hard time accepting the fact that in a room where much fun is being had, they aren’t involved, and trouble nearly always results. If six couples are getting down and dirty, and a dozen single guys are standing there and not being accepted, at least one guy will always get frustrated and cause a scene. My cite? Being at parties where it has been tried and knowing swing club owners who tried it through the years. Sure there are exceptions to the group, but the “no single guys” rule isn’t because of what may happen, it is about what historically does happen because of the one dickhead in any group. You know the guy. He’s the one wearing the gold chain in the bar who can’t accept the word “no” for a dance. What do you think he’s gonna be like in a setting where he thinks he is guaranteed to get laid, and keeps getting told no?

In our last club, single women weren’t allowed either except rare times/circumstances where couples could bring a female guest, who was interviewed by the owners to make sure she knew what exactly the place was about. Single women in general can be in that situation and just have fun even if they aren’t involved. Single men in general take it as an ego slam, which ruins it for everyone.

I’ve been to clubs where single men were allowed and the ratio of men to women is about 25 to 1. Few couples ever went to that club twice. The girls wind up spending most the evening driving waves of guys away with a pitchfork.

There used to be this great series of mixed … well, they were called tactile parties, and what it was was the host would lay out mattresses and bubble wrap all over his upper floor and then black it out so that no light could get into it at all. Then a bunch of us would go up there and roll around for a while. It was essentially a creative excuse for an orgy.

The main rules, if I can remember them, were:

  1. leave watches and glasses on the table on the way up;
  2. the safeword is “safeword.”

Clothed socialization would go on downstairs where the candy (including a mixture of M&Ms and Skittles called “S&Ms”), chips, alcohol, and pot was. A lot of the time you would hook up downstairs and head upstairs to get funky.

Even though most of the people were straight, there was usually at least one hot gay/bisexual/curious boy per party. It was marvellous. Damn, I miss them.

“Party At Ian’s Place… come for the party, stay because you can’t find your socks.”

this is facinating… That’s as close as I’ll ever be from the real thing, keep talking, I am learning ! :wink:

LMAO! Clever of you.

And don’t forget to follow up with a thank-you note.

Thank you… Please cum again…

Turbo got it right from my experience.

Single guys tend to cause more problems than they’re worth (at least as far as mixed couple parties go).

Well, the orgy organizer (orgynizer?) emailed me last night to see if I was interested in attending another one. Since I was not into about 2/3 of the people at the last one I don’t think that I will accept his kind invitation. Still, nice to know I was thought well enough of to warrant the second invite.

What about the 1/3 that you are into?

Every orgy you turn down, is one less orgy that you will ever attend, and that my friend, is something you just can’t make up:)

Remember, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If nothing else, it beats watching PBS (most nights, that is) and allows you to “circulate”.

Meh. Dodging the ones I’m not into seems like more trouble than it’s worth to get to the ones I do like, and truth be told I can probably hook up with them separately (or maybe even throw a little gathering of my own).

I am curious…what is stopping a single guy from hiring an escort to pose as his girlfriend so that he can participate in the orgy? Sounds like a good deal on his part, kinda a Buy one, get one,two, three,etc free deal.

Finding an escort that will go for something like that isn’t an easy task (according to escort friends that I asked this same question to years ago). The few that will actually agree to it generally will charge a much higher fee. If you have the cash, you can find one.

Assuming that you found one, it will work for the most part. At least the first time. At least in the better clubs and more organized “freelance” social gatherings, if you show up two weeks later with a different girl, you are under the microscope. Single guys who bring friends posing as a girlfriend just to get them in are nothing new, as are the ones who try the escort method. The main club we used to frequent specifically made it clear that escorts were not allowed. If it was discovered that you hired an escort to get you in the door, you were blacklisted, not only at that club, but among many others as well. Clubs have their own network and word spreads quickly if you are the type to pull a fast one.

In other clubs/situations, it can work though, depending on how much dough you want to spend.

Also, in the more organized settings, I should have added that it can work provided the preliminary steps are taken care of, which usually means a phone and/or personal interview with both of you days or even weeks before being invited to a get together, followed by ID verification.

Even in most informal gatherings, you generally don’t get invited if nobody knows you. There are exceptions of course, but it’s not like you can just crash the basic party as a stranger.

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Um…somehow I’ve responded to the wrong post…please ignore…