(NB for most of the North American dopers: this is about soccer. Just skip on to the next thread if you’re not interested :))
First, the Euro 2000 drinking game (this is really most appropriate for those watching on British telly, but I’m sure it can be adapted):
Jimmy Hill making an arse of himself – 5 sips
Shot of field of tulips waving in front of windmill - 12 sips
Shot of Norwegian fan wearing Viking helmet - 8 sips
Shot of attractive blonde Swedish female fan - 4 sips
Ruud Gullit struggling to say something nice about Alan Shearer, who has just scored a hat-trick - 37 sips
BBC ‘surprise guest’ Jimmy Hill stumbles into studio wearing novelty bow tie - 4 sips
Shot of Mannekin Pis (Brussels statue of little boy having a wee) - 9 sips
As above, but with corny voice-over hoping ‘England don’t get caught short tonight’ - 16 sips
Mention of little Dutch boy who put his finger in the dyke - 10 sips
As above, but accompanied by crude laughter from Ally McCoist - 20 sips
Studio discussion of ‘famous Belgians’ throws up the names of Hercule Poirot and Plastic Bertrand - 18 sips
Commentator praises David Beckham ‘who’s matured a lot in the last two years’ - 7 sips
Beckham lashes out at opponent following innocuous challenge - 12 sips
‘Diabolical defending’ (A Hansen) - 3 sips
‘Ooh, look at the muck in here’ (M Lawrenson) - 12 sips
Gabby Yorath makes stupid blunder - 6 sips
Gabby Yorath fails to make stupid blunder - 28 sips
‘People say I’m boring, but the lads know I’m a real joker’ (A Shearer) - 3 sips
Bob Wilson hosting very, very, very late at night highlights show - 14 sips
‘I can’t quite put my finger on where we went wrong’ (K Keegan) - 7 sips
Dennis Wise promises to keep his cool and not let anyone down - 3 sips
Wise dismissed for reckless lunge at mascot Benelucky, who had been ‘looking at me funny’ - 19 sips
‘Hey, tell you what. Someone says there’s a game of football on today. Shall we watch it together?’ (D Lynam, intro to England v Germany match) - 8 sips
England v Germany commentator urging us to ‘relax - this is a group game, so it can’t go to penalties’ - 12 sips
Rodney Marsh describing the German side as efficient & well organised, conjuring up visions of a Panzer division sweeping across the plains of Eastern Europe - 3 sips
On morning of England-Germany game, Alan Ball prattles in the tabloids on about 1966, Sir Alf, Dunkirk spirit, etc - 6 sips
Sir Geoff Hurst points out that the ball definitely crossed the line because a poacher like Roger Hunt would definitely have followed up if it hadn’t - 1 pint
Peter Schmeichel shouting at Danish defenders - 2 sips
Clive Tyldesley mentions Manchester United 17 times during first half of game between Belgium and Turkey - 13 sips
After a chair is broken by England fans in an Eindhoven bar, The Daily Mail calls for the immediate banning of all football immediately - 4 points
‘They should birch these hooligans, it’s the only language they understand’ (R Littlejohn) - 2 sips
Shot of David Baddiel in stands looking smug as crowd sing ‘Three Lions’ – 6 sips
Shot of Prince Charles in stands looking uncomfortable at having to watch this soccer lark - 3 sips
Amanda Holden/Nicole Appleton out of All Saints/Sara Cox ligging at England v Germany match and pretending they’ve ‘always been into footy’ - 23 sips
Posh Spice in stands looking adoringly at D Beckham - 5 sips
Posh Spice in stands eating pie - 55 sips
Jolly England fans celebrate thrilling 3-2 victory against Portugal by
singing meaningless song about the IRA - 1 pint
Archive shot of Graham Taylor saying ‘Do I not like that’ - 3 sips
Archive shot of Stuart Pearce scoring his penalty and making ‘that face’ – 4 sips
‘This has got to be the worst game of football I’ve ever seen’ (A Green, Radio Five Live) - 2 sips
Zinedine Zidane referred to as ‘ZZ Top’ - 3 sips
Zinedine Zidane referred to as ‘ZZ Thinning-On-Top’ - 6 sips
‘And on the ball now is (insert name of any player from other 15 countries here) who has, of course, been linked with a move to Chelsea’ - 7 sips
Frank Leboeuf points out that he has a World Cup winners’ medal - 13 sips
Tabloids refer to England’s first opponents as ‘the Portuguese men of war’ - 9 sips
Tabloids explain how David Seaman (36), Tony Adams (33), Martin Keown (33) and Paul Ince (33) will demolish an ageing German outfit whose best days are behind them - 7 sips
Serious newsman attempting to deliver insert about potential hooliganism at tonight’s match with drunken fans waving to camera behind him - 11 sips
As above, but with harassed newsman telling yobs to ‘clear off’ - 22 sips
Kevin Phillips mentions that he used to work in a warehouse - 14 sips
Alan Shearer just happens to let it slip that he is ‘just a sheet metal worker’s son from Newcastle’ - 25 sips
England go out of tournament on penalties - 99 sips
Also, there’s a good sweepstakes site here. You don’t win anything, but it’s a lot of fun and it gives you a stake in just about every game. I did the CL one at the same site and it made some of the matches more interesting (and I did quite well, thankyouverymuch). Mind you, I did start to worry when I found myself cheering on Chelsea just to knock out all the people around me who’d picked Lazio. Better hurry up if you want to enter though 'cause it closes at kickoff.
What can I say, except fuck the bastards who schedule tv here. For example, during todays opening game (Belgium v Sweden), we have the following sports programs:
College Baseball, French Open Tennis, Golf, Baseball, NFL Europe Football (WTF?), Auto Racing, The Road to Indy and Classic Golf. And no football. Not even highlights or delayed broadcast. Nothing. Motherfuckers.
I’m not surprised about Larsson’s performance - bringing him on reeked of desperation given his lack of match fitness I was quite impressed with the Belgians, though. I thought they defended well (especially Deflandre and Vanderhaeghe) and Mpenza looked tricky on the break.
Belgium - Sweden: 2-1.
Not a bad match, for an opener. Belgium played OK, Sweden played surprisingly undefensive. Great goal by Mpenza, and a HUGE blunder from Belgian Goalie De Wilde, who is otherwise a superb keeper. Luc Nilis (the best Belgian player) came in with 20 minutes to go, and made a very uncharacteristic foul that got him a yellow. Could easily have been red.
Swedens defender Anderson got sent off with a double yellow.
Can this be the Official Straight Dope Euro 2000 Scores and Reviews thread as well, Ruadh? My sig only covers the Dutch matches
I’m glad you said that because I was admittedly biased, wanting Sweden to win this one, but I thought it SHOULD have been a red - a tackle from behind with absolutely no chance of getting the ball.
Of course! It’s the Euro 2000 thread. Any posts about Euro 2000 are welcome.
Emile Mpenza’s goal had a definite suspicion of handball. On the whole, though, Belgium deserved it. Bart Goor looked decent. Sweden looked unimaginative, although I thought Freddie Ljungbjerg played well enough. Patrik Andersson deserved to go, though.
About Luc Nilis: he is always on edge when he has to play in Brussels. He was spat at for his full three years at Anderlecht. Only after his move to PSV did his true talent rise to the surface, and did the Belgians see him for the great player he is. He despises the Brussels fans (he’d rather have any Dutchman than a Bruxelais ;)). Methinks he was just a bit too eager to show everyone he’s not one to mess with.
He IS a brilliant player though. I love his free kicks!
Thanks ruadh, but I checked that out a long time ago. Two problems, firstly I live in a dorm, so a ppv cost many hundreds of dollars for this tournament. Secondly, a little thing called work precludes my watching these matches in the two bars I know which will show them…at $20 a head per game entry.
yes, having lived in San Francisco during the last World Cup I know all about that little thing called work. You never know though, we had a mysterious computer crash just minutes before the England-Argentina game kicked off … the crash lasted just long enough for me to get a few hours free to spend in the pub across the road
When the 1998 World Cup was on I was travelling in Australia. For that match I was up at 3am to watch England-Argentina on a really bad reception TV, then the second David Batty missed I was on a 373 bus to work.
The misguided attempt by my Sydney workmates to cheer me up got as far as “Don’t worry mate, at least you’ve still got the Falklands” before my glares silenced all conversation.
Well, I got as far as beating Belgium 2-0 in the quarterfinals and I keep getting a 404 error trying to get to the next game, so I guess I have to withdraw here.
If England get knocked out in the first round of the REAL tourney I will have a big laugh telling everyone an American girl’s tactics were superior to Kev’s
Looked like handball to me. Chest first but then upper arm.
Getting nervous for Monday. Portugal’s a tough but a good one to start off with.
Keegan just hasn’t got the street smarts of Venables and i think we’re in trouble. Just HAVE to beat the bloody Germans.
Really like the idea of Nick Barmby adding genuine balance and flair down the left flank
Who’ll win: Predictably my prediction is France or Holland with England (well, you have to hope) as a not dark horse/also ran/maybe if the winds blowing in the right direction, down hill and Keegan outwit’s the opposition.
Shearer missed a penalty in training today. Gees. Please God, no.
