Maybe our German friends will comment, but last time we were in Germany, I was quite disconcerted when I looked up and noticed a woman staring unabashedly at me. I started to look away, bu then thought I’ll return that stare, so we sat and stared at each other for what seemed like 30 seconds before she looked away.
This happened several times during our visit, and I did the same thing. Maybe if I had stayed in Germany instead of emigrating at age 11, I’d be doing that too?
Y’all sure are in a jovial mood today! Must be Friday…
Well, depending on how I wear my hair, I get Elton John or John Denver. A few times John Lennon.
If it hadn’t happened numerous times I’d think it was coincidental. One time I got really pissed and asked in German, “What is your problem??” before the person looked away.
Although I don’t think it is anything malicious, there is a tendency for older Germans to stare at others they find interesting or odd. However, this is not just reserved for foreigners.
I recall sitting quietly alone in a small restaurant in Munich and the waitress was in a tizzy because a group of those “Berliners” had reserved a table. In conservative Munich, Berliners are thought of as loud and obnoxious - think Bible Belt USA versus New Yorkers. She let everyone know they were coming.
Sure enough, a group of about 6 Berliners showed up and sat at a table in the middle of the restaurant. Without exception, everyone at all the other tables stared at the Berliners intently the entire time they were in the restaurant - you would have thought this was a floor show with a magicians and strippers.
The Berliners obviously noticed they were being watched - hard to miss - but ate, drank, talked and then left.
The minute the door closed, the room was abuzz with snide and snarky comments and the shaking of heads as if, “…they sure are weirdos…”
I also know that older Germans are still fascinated with people of other cultures and feel if you are out in public, you are on display and they can simply sit back and observe you from head to toe. Most of the time it simply curiosity and often they will smile if you see them looking at you but they will not stop looking.
I think younger Germans are more worldly and might take a glance to see what someone is wearing or doing, but otherwise just ignore you.
I find ‘privacy by not looking’ to be an interesting phenomenon. For the sighted, looking at someone gives you more information than you will get without knowing that person further. I think it’s actually a shame that people don’t look more, though I am one of them who tends not to. But really, we should! The most important thing out in the world you’re inhabiting are the other people; what a shame to just dismiss them as if they weren’t there, or slide a quick glance over in fear of offence. A person is not making full use of their faculties if they don’t just look, but SEE what’s around them. And that really includes the people, too.
And I mean all that both seriously and light-heartedly.
I do notice, I don’t stare. See, I wear this little bracelet that identifies me as being batshit (it doesn’t really say that; it says dementia;).) If I were to stare really hard at someone who knows this, I’m afraid I might scare them, so I don’t do it and don’t like it done to me.
That’s just the way it is. We can kid about it, (matter of fact I encourage it) but this is something a little more personal to me.
But I get your point, Taomist and thanks for commenting.
A friend of mine spent a year in Germany during her time in college a few years ago and one of the first things she commented on was the tendency of some people to stare directly at you and not care if you noticed. I thought she might be exaggerating but I noticed it too when I visited her. It was a bit strange and seemed to mostly be older people who behaved that way. I don’t know if it’s a European thing though, I’ve only really noticed it in Germany.
Serious question, though: in the US, not only is it rude to stare, but in some cases dangerous. If one American young man makes eye contact with another for a split second too long, it’s misinterpreted as either a homosexual entreaty or a generalized threat. The first one to look away is performing a submission gesture.
“what the fuck you looking at?”
“(shit, I was just spacing-out. But there’s no backing down now): I ain’t looking at shit. What the fuck you looking at?”
Then the dance escalates, to personal space invasion, a push to the upper body, an artlesy thrown punch or two, and then a futile wrestling match until bystanders pull the two apart.
