I guess there must be something about me- maybe it’s because my nose is a little crooked, or maybe my hair periodically catches on fire and I don’t know about it- whatever the reason, I seem to be a magnet for people who stare. It really makes me uncomfortable. Just tonight, I was out to eat, and a guy at a table a few steps away stared at me for so long, I was about to ask to be moved to a new table. And this happens regularly. When I was much younger, I would sometimes stand up and loudly inquire as to whether I owed the starer money, but I don’t do things like that anymore. Now I just try to communicate with my body language that I’m uncomfortable, but most people either don’t pick up on that, or they don’t care, and so they continue to stare. In the grocery store, at restaurant, walking down the street, no matter where, they stare.
It’s not because I’m either exceedingly good-looking, or exceedingly ugly. I’m rather average, and I don’t believe I would find anything to stare at if I saw myself out in public if I weren’t me.
I have been telling my kids since they were very young that it’s very impolite to stare at people. Staring makes people uncomfortable, and it’s a huge social faux pas to make someone uncomfortable. Do other people not teach their kids this?
Do people stare at you, or this a burden that I must bear alone? And why do they do it?
Yes. Sometimes it’s because I’m hot, sometimes it’s because they think they know me, and other times it’s because they’re confusing me with that person who kicked their puppy. Also there was that unfortunate incident with the spinach. Regardless, it doesn’t have much effect on my day.
You know, I was just thinking that people also stare a lot at my 12 year old son, who has red hair, and my hair is reddish, so maybe that’s it, especially where we live, in an area with a lot of brown-haired people. I don’t think it’ll bother me that much if I can at least figure out why they do it- then I can just put up my hand and say “stare at the hair, I don’t care”.
Yes! I feel the same way as you, that I’m not anything particularly special or intriguing to look at but some people seem to stare anyway. I don’t know why.
I don’t have the personal experience of knowing a lot of parents and their techniques to know if a trend away from teaching children that staring is rude is part of it, but I do notice that older children and teens seem happy to stare at other people a lot and without much apparent care to disguise the fact that they are staring. It bugs me.
I once (politely) asked a teenaged girl who was with her friends to stop staring at me and my sister after she had been blatantly doing so for most of our lunch (chewing with her mouth open all the while) and her response was to gather her friends and follow us around the mall for another hour, jeering us. So now I never engage anyone who stares at me, I just assume they are rude and poorly socialised and would probably react badly.
I get stared at, but usually I know the reason for it. In Korea I get stared at either because I’m walking around with white people or I’m on the phone speaking in English. In (some parts of) Europe I get stared at because I’m Asian.
Seriously, I went to the beach in Tuscany and I’ve never been so blatantly stared at in my life. I don’t know if they thought I wouldn’t notice or they just didn’t give a shit about how rude it was.
I get stared at too, and I’m a very average-looking middle-aged woman - I don’t even have red hair. I have a theory about this; I’m usually quite engaged my the world I’m in, and look right back at people with interest. Maybe they’re not used to that.
I used to get stared at quite a bit when I was younger and cuter (sometimes the hair was red, sometimes not). I usually winked at them…man, woman, young old, if they stared, I winked.
Got a couple dates that way; got a couple men in trouble with their wives. Mostly I just made them embarassed and they’d look away or go back to reading their paper. One time when I was 20, I was walking downtown and this really old dude (omg! he must have been like 40! ) was staring at me…I stopped turned looked right at him and gave him a smile and a wink. It so startled him he lost his balance and stepped off the curb and nearly got hit by the bus. Poor guy.
Of course now that I’m 40 the stares don’t happen quite so much, but I still tend to smile directly at or wink at whomever is staring at me.
Depends on the context. I’m sure there have been times I’ve been stared at by people because the only other time they’ve seen an Asian person before was in a Jackie Chan movie.
I can’t really say that I would even notice most of the time. I so often am in my own little world that unless you are bothering me, I don’t notice you.
But really, in Tuscany, at that particular beach, I felt like a freak. It’s a different kind of stare than someone admiring you. Kind of a, “What the hell are you doing here?” sort of look. Not even disapproving or hostile. Just sort of blank and curious, the way we’d look at a monkey in a zoo. So yeah, they very rarely see non-Italians on the beach. I’d probably stare as well if I saw an Eskimo on the Seoul subway. But I’d at least try to be subtle about it. These people weren’t even trying.
I almost prefer the evil glares I get from old people when I go out with my boyfriend around these parts. (“Can’t believe that slut is holding hands with a white guy OMG.”)
I have always been stared at by infants, for instance at the supermarket when they will goggle at me from their cart perches. I don’t know why I’m fascinating to the baby set (this happened even before I had a beard) but there you go.
I’m looking through you, where did you go
I thought I knew you, what did I know
You don’t look different, but you have changed
I’m looking through you, you’re not the same
Guys stare at you because we like to look at women. I wouldn’t try to read too much into what it means except to tell you that we don’t look at a woman because we think they at unattractive. I will sometimes find myself sort of resting my eyes on a woman just because she is the most attractive person around, not necessarily great looking but better looking than anyone else. Sorry, I try to be discreet.
Myself, middle aged white male, I am completely invisible. Sometimes I can’t even get the attention of store clerks when I’m next in line. I never catch anyone looking at me except maybe when we are walking down the hall at work toward each other.
My wife and I have talked about the difference and I think there is a real difference in the male/female experience. People look at her all the time, sometimes offering compliments, and she is used to finding people looking at her. Seems natural to her. I would be very, very surprised to look up in a public place and find someone’s eyes on me. I would suspect there must be something terribly wrong.
I’m Asian and my girlfriend is white (and blond), and we get stared at constantly, presumably because we’re such a rare combination. I don’t even mind the staring; it’s the people yelling shit out of their cars that pisses me off.
) was staring at me…I stopped turned looked right at him and gave him a smile and a wink. It so startled him he lost his balance and stepped off the curb and nearly got hit by the bus. Poor guy.