Sorry for the misleading thread title, but I think it’s appropriate in a backhanded way: it’s the kind of ogling that gets all the publicity, and therefore, presumably, is the kind of ogling that folks are expecting.
SO… you (female person) are out and about in a public place, and (again presumably) residually alert to the possibility that some person might be staring at your mammaries, a non-insubstantial portion of whom are going to do it in ways that won’t endear you to them…yes?
So how about the folks with a different staring-target?
Do you have tales of annoying guys (or non-guys, I guess, hypothetically speaking) who have disconcerted you, or annoyed you to the point of eliciting homicidal impulses, who did so by staring at you elsewhere?
Where?
Is it identical, in its way of pissing you off (assuming it does, feel welcome to describe alternative response on your part) or is it differerent if what the ogling person is ogling isn’t your tittage but other attributes? If different, how, and why, do you think? Y’all always talk about guys staring at your boobs, is it because they are closer to your face and therefore get in between someone meeting your eyes, or is there something about having someone stare THERE that’s more invasive than if they stared elsewhere, or is it that most of the world’s supply of invasively staring people pick THAT as what to stare at so you don’t have a lot of built-up resentment for guys (or non-guys) staring at other visual targets, or what?
Disclaimer: I’m a self-acknowledged dirty objectifier of women and I love to stare and I stare elsewhere and would love a clean bill of health as far as the likelihood of annoying the female folks I stare at. I’ll come clean if it comes up as someone’s pet peeve or intermittent irritation.
I just hate to be stared at, period. Of course, I know that men are going to look at body parts, and I don’t mind that, I’ll even shake it a little once in a while if he’s cute, but regular staring I really don’t like. I find it rude and vaguely threatening. I have one time stood up in front of a very unsavory-looking man and quite loudly and firmly inquired of him, “Do I owe you money? What the fuck are you staring at?!” His staring really disconcerted me.
I took the OP to mean just staring, in a general way, not at body parts. It’s not limited to men, though. Some people stare at others- or maybe I’m just very interesting to look at. At any rate, it makes me uncomfortable to be stared at in a non-sexual way.
Guilty as charged. I do try not to just stare and keep on staring, and I’d probably make more of an effort to knock it off if if I heard a constant litany from women about how they sure as hell notice it and hate it, the way I do with regards to breast-staring, so I thought I’d solicit some info.
Is it spoken of less because guys don’t do it as much, or because y’all don’t notice as much? Is it, as with breasts (apparently), one of those “I don’t expect guys not to look, I just expect guys not to fixate and drool” sort of things? Also, (on this board at least), lots of women have said things like “of course, if I’ve got the girls out there bobbling around on unimpeded display, I’m inviting an ogle” …is there a pants equivalent? AND it is often said “as long as it’s not a constant stare like I spilled something there, it’s only a big deal if I’m trying to have a conversation with the guy and he’s talking to my tits”, is the crotch-stare less of an issue all around due to it being a sufficiently different angle of look than the face, so guys aren’t shifting their glance from your face to down there while you’re talking and/or you don’t have as strong a sense of what they’re looking at because it isn’t just a few degrees askew from looking at you face-on?
A guy can’t really stare at a womans crotch if they are both sitting down and having a conversation. So typically, crotch staring would be going on when ogler and oglee are standing up, and at least a few yards away from each other.
Ogling at a distance (chest or crotch) is less threatening then ogling from within arm’s reach length. As for being ogled while having a conversation…while it is annoying and condescending if a guy talks to my boobs, it is less threatening then a " silent stare" which I imagine would accompany crothchstaring.
A guy with a " silent stare" might be a complete psychopath; a guy that can keep up a conversation at least shows a semblance of normality and normal respect.
Also, crotchstaring is just more rare. Women are used to men checking out chests and behinds (not because they have eyes in the back of their heads, but because they see men ogling other women). And because it is rare, it will be detected less easy, (“He’s staring at my…what? No, I must be mistaken.”). But when the woman catches the guy doing it, she’s likely to be more spooked, because it is unfamiliar and she doesn’t know what to expect from a crotch-starer.
I mean, in theory, a guy could just be glancing down and get a full boob shot (unlikely, I know, but the plausable denyability factor is still there.)
However, if you’re both standing, and he’s looking at your crotch, it’s creepy, obvious and really, really nasty. In fact, I had a conversation with a faculty member at my University who was known for this particular habit. It went like this: “If you don’t keep your fucking eyes on my face, I’m reporting you. I know it won’t be the first time.” Now said faculty member just avoids me, or sends messages to me through my boss.
So yah, cut that shit out. I thought it was going to be leg staring or something, which I’ve gotten, and doesn’t really bother me. I mean, if a guy says “Hey - you’ve got great legs!” it’s not nearly as oogy as “Hey, you’ve got great tits!” or worse “Hey, you’ve got a great crotch!”
I find I get a lot of staring whenever I get on the bus or subway. It’s unpleasant and makes me feel very self-conscious. Yes, I’m wearing a tank top, but I’m not wearing it for you. I’m wearing it because it’s summer and I’m warm.
I’ve started staring right back with as nasty a look as possible.
I remember once when I ran into someone I didn’t particularly like on the subway. We’d been in a band together, and the band broke up because this guy was starting to become a stalker. I ran into him on the subway and I was very obviously NOT happy to see him. When I reached my stop, I started to leave and caught the guy staring at my ass. Dis. Gus. Ting.
Honestly, if you see someone you find attractive, by all means, take a glance here and there. But do you have to STARE? Staring is rude and makes people feel self-conscious, in any situation. Stop it.
Crotch staring is much, much, MUCH worse than boob staring. Look, I’ve got big, huge, bouncy boobs that are pretty hard to miss and that also distinguish me from a chunk of the population- of course I’m going to stand out in that way and get stared at here or there.
We all have crotches. Mine isn’t special (well, to me it is, but not to the general population :)) and I’m not flaunting it in any way, so why the hell would you STARE? That’s just. . . creepy. I mean, really, really creepy. Distgustingly creepy.
Again, it’s important to distinguish between a casual glance and a full on stare.
An appreciative glance is one thing, staring is another. I get creeped out/offended at anyone who stares at any part of my body, but a quick glance now and then is perfectly natural.
Hubby has always complained about women who wear clothing with words printed on the chest or butt. I know where he’s coming from-- if there are words, I have to read them. If the shirt or shorts are wrinkled up, you can end up staring for a few moments trying to make them out, possibly offending the wearer. (Though if you didn’t want people looking at your butt or boobs, you probably shouldn’t be wearing something that calls attention to them, in my opinion.)
Yup. Breast-staring is weird but not all that uncommon. A crotch-starer would make me think the guy was going to try to rape me or something. It’s not like (on a woman at least) you can even see anything there, so my thought would be “he’s going to make a move soon.”
Oh, you were talking about crotch-staring?? I don’t know that I’ve ever caught someone staring at my crotch, but if I did, I’d then have to look to see if I had a camel-toe or something. It would be weird.
I’m reminded of the woman who came into the restaurant I work at, who had sprinkled sparkle glitter in her cleavage. I figured that I was pretty much supposed to stare.
Allow me to offer another perspective: one long ago time I was in the canteen at work, which was full, when this fat little woman came and sat on the next row of tables. Now she was wearing a very short skirt and the tables were glass. So she was basically fully on display. It was not a pleasant sight.
As for the boob-show, at 6’3" in my socks, I’m a regular victim. You ladies are often much shorter than me, and if I have to look right down to speak to you and you’re wearing something low-cut, I’m going to get the full show even when I’m actually looking at your face. Normally I suggest that we go and sit down, which resolves the issue nicely.
I can’t quite figure out why anyone would look at female crotches. What is there to look at? Boobs and asses are sticking out there; they make sense. Legs are there, feet are there, shoulders are there, hair is there, ears are there. Crotches? Unless there is camel-toe action (ew) then fixation on this area does seem quite creepy.
Now that I think of it, I guess some gals wear teeny skirts which give full crotch-views in a light breeze or sitting across the bus aisle. Or I just saw the Madonna concert, and those high-cut leotards she wears leave little to the imagination. So I guess I can understand where the eyes can be drawn there. Heck, in those cases I might stare just out of shock, nothing sexual about it.
What would be creepy is looking at a crotch which is not in obvious display-mode. Because there is nothing in particular to look at, the impression is that the starer wishes fervently that the crotch were NOT so hidden, which does feel like a violation and is just not cool.
When I was in high school, waiting in line at the cafeteria, I noticed a girl next to me wearing an interesting pendent. The light wasn’t too good, though, so I couldn’t see it too clearly, so I kept staring at it and moving my head closer, trying to resolve more detail. Which is about when I noticed that the girl was looking very pissed at me. I tried to explain that I wasn’t interested in her breasts, just the chunk of pewter nestled between them, but oddly, it failed to make things better.
I admit that if my body parts are ogled (not stared at prolongedly) by a man I find attractive, I may take the attenton as a compliment. And conversely, if the ogler is a man I do not find attractive, I tend to be deeply repulsed. Yes, that’s discriminatory, but so is mate selection.
However … no matter how attractive a man is, if he stares outright, I would probably decide that he’s not someone who interests me, unless I want just a “roll in the hay.”
