The fan-wanking round-robin thread

Cafe Society
1

The rules are simple. Poster 1 mentions something from a movie, comic book, tv series, etc. which seems to contradict logic, common sense, or the rest fo the series. Poster 2 then explains the contradiction away, then lists something nonsensical for the next poster to try his/her/its luck on, and so on.

For instance: if Poster 0 had written

[QUOTE=an entirely hypothetical poster]

It makes no sense for Superman to collapse from weakness when he’s exposed to red-sun radiation. At most it should just reduce him to normal human levels, and you note that Jimmy Olsen, for instance, isn’t constantly fainting. Writers who have thsi happen must be high. Anybody care to explain?
[/QUOTE]

I’d reply

*You are not as wise as you think, grasshopper. You see, when he’s powered up, Superman doesn’t get hungry, and therefore when he eats (rarely) it’s only for taste, not nutrition–and his super-metabolism atomizes the food almost instantaneously anyway. Thus, when he’s deprived of the benefits of yellow-sun radiation, he immediately begins to suffer the symptoms of hypoglycemia–weakness, sweats, dizziness, et cetera.

That said …

It makes no sense for the Nazgul to have retreated from Aragorn on Weathertop. He was just one guy, and they were freaking ring-wraiths, in the middle of the night, when they were strongest; and the Witch-King was confident that he could not be slain by any Man, which Strider, obviously, was. Tolkien must have been high when he wrote that. Anybody care to explain?*

2

Well, obviously, the goal of the Wraiths was misery, upset, and discord. If they can just wound Frodo and make his friends carry him, that will delay any efforts they could have made to fight the wraiths–in other words, the wraiths felt that Frodo falling to the morgul knife was inevitable; leaving him alive allowed them to torment Frodo’s friends by making them watch Frodo suffer.

Besides, if they’d tried anything, Sam would’ve killed them.

What I want to know is, if Grand Moff Tarkin had any reason whatsoever to suspect there was a chance the Death Star could be destroyed, why didn’t he just jump out and come back later, after they’d had a few days to study the weakness?

3

[QUOTE=Ethilrist]

What I want to know is, if Grand Moff Tarkin had any reason whatsoever to suspect there was a chance the Death Star could be destroyed, why didn’t he just jump out and come back later, after they’d had a few days to study the weakness?
[/QUOTE]

Egoism and arrogance ruled the day. And even in our time we regularly see people who simply can’t accept something might be wrong with their Master Plan.

What I want to know is, how can Superman erase Lois’ memory with a kiss? What kind of kiss was that???

4

[QUOTE=Anaamika]

What I want to know is, how can Superman erase Lois’ memory with a kiss? What kind of kiss was that???
[/QUOTE]

You see, when you kiss someone, you often hold their back, right? And sometimes you actually push them back a bit with your kiss and support them with the hand or two behind them. Well, imagine if you’re immensely super-powered and don’t have a lot of experience kissing. He actually pushed back with the kiss and then forward with his arm around her so fast that the massive momentum shift in Lois’s brain caused a slight stroke that coincidentally erased portions of her memory.

But what I really want to know is why Wolverine’s healing factor doesn’t heal his lost memories.

5

Uh, the kind of kiss you might need on some “mornings after”? Superman’s kisses aren’t entirely fathomable to mere Earthly mortals.

What I want to know is how, in the midst of a deadly, sprawling galactic civil war, the most hated individual in all of existence - Jar Jar Binks - can survive through three movies. Anybody care to explain?

6

[QUOTE=Anaamika]

What I want to know is, how can Superman erase Lois’ memory with a kiss? What kind of kiss was that???
[/QUOTE]

It was a form of telepathy. :wink:

I was more confused as to why Superman only turned time back on the bad things, like Lois being crushed, while him saving Jimmy remained finished.

7

Jar Jar may be hated by all humanoids, but on his own planet, he is the epitome of intelligence, style, and fine eloquence.

Which is pretty sad, really.

So, what happened to the third murderer?

8

[QUOTE=Elendil’s Heir]
What I want to know is how, in the midst of a deadly, sprawling galactic civil war, the most hated individual in all of existence - Jar Jar Binks - can survive through three movies. Anybody care to explain?
[/QUOTE]

He is too stupid to die. Like drunks aren’t injured in car wrecks.

Why did Enterprise show that Charles Tucker III was killed in the last episode when everyone knows Admiral Tcker died at 101 in a bar fight in a house of ill repute in New Orleans?

9

[QUOTE=bouv]

But what I really want to know is why Wolverine’s healing factor doesn’t heal his lost memories.
[/QUOTE]

Duh, neural tissue doesn’t regenerate. :slight_smile: It’s been burned too badly.

Everyone wanted to answer my Superman kiss question, huh? Ok, here’s another one - why does Lex Luthor always hire girls that are overly sympathetic to the opposite side?

10

[QUOTE=bouv]
But what I really want to know is why Wolverine’s healing factor doesn’t heal his lost memories.
[/QUOTE]

Because while it does heal the brain tissue, it creates psychic scarring ™ that obscures memories. Side effects include irrational rage, urges to engage in unfathomable quests, and uncontrollable flashbacks.

What I want to know is, why did Spock display emotions under Captain Pike’s command, but not under Kirk’s?

11

[QUOTE=xnylder]
What I want to know is, why did Spock display emotions under Captain Pike’s command, but not under Kirk’s?
[/QUOTE]
Under Pike, he was young and impetuous.

I’m still waiting for an answer to the mystery of the missing third murderer.

12

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Duh, neural tissue doesn’t regenerate. :slight_smile: It’s been burned too badly.

Everyone wanted to answer my Superman kiss question, huh? Ok, here’s another one - why does Lex Luthor always hire girls that are overly sympathetic to the opposite side?
[/QUOTE]

Because, like Thanos, his bluster masks extreme self-loathing, and he subconsciously sabotages himself. Either that or he gets off on banging girls who would really prefer another guy–i.e., on sex that isn’t entirely consensual.

What I want to know is, why didn’t Scott Summers get a broken neck the first time he used his optic blasts?

13

[QUOTE=xnylder]
What I want to know is, why did Spock display emotions under Captain Pike’s command, but not under Kirk’s?
[/QUOTE]

That was (some multiple of) seven years earlier. He was just coming off of a raging pon farr weekend.

So in Superman II, when the Kryptonians are all fighting in the street, one of them picks up a manhole cover and chucks it at another one, who goes flying back. Why the knockback? Why doesn’t it just go splat?

14

[QUOTE=Ethilrist]
That was (some multiple of) seven years earlier. He was just coming off of a raging pon farr weekend.

So in Superman II, when the Kryptonians are all fighting in the street, one of them picks up a manhole cover and chucks it at another one, who goes flying back. Why the knockback? Why doesn’t it just go splat?
[/QUOTE]

The Kryptonian who got hit was Kal-El, also known as Superman. He rolled with the blow because it was easier than trying to catch 10 million pieces of shrapnel.

Why could the Autobots fly in the first 80s *Transformers * series, but not afterwards?

15

[QUOTE=RealityChuck]

I’m still waiting for an answer to the mystery of the missing third murderer.
[/QUOTE]

Not to worry, O.J. Simpson is out there looking for him.

In the Buffyverse, why did the gypsies who cursed Angelus with a soul make it so he’d revert to evil if he had a moment of happiness?

16

Spock got better and better at controlling his emotions as he got older, until by the time of The Motion Picture he was ready for the Kolinahr. The purging of all remaining emotion.

In Star Wars, why can’t turbo lasers hit the side of a barn? I bet given their laser technology, we could design better targeting systems.

17

[QUOTE=zamboniracer]
Not to worry, O.J. Simpson is out there looking for him.

In the Buffyverse, why did the gypsies who cursed Angelus with a soul make it so he’d revert to evil if he had a moment of happiness?
[/QUOTE]

As Spike said, “There’s always a price.” In the Buffyverse, there’s always a way to undo any magical spell. You can’t avoid it completely; you can, however, control what it is. The gypsies chose the moment of perfect happiness as the out for Angel/us because their curse was meant to make him suffer. Thus, if the ensouled vampire is perfectly happy, the curse is no longer doing its job anyway and might as well be tossed. It was better than having him re-ensouled if the Red Sox won the series.

So how does Sue Storm see?

18

[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
Because, like Thanos, his bluster masks extreme self-loathing, and he subconsciously sabotages himself. Either that or he gets off on banging girls who would really prefer another guy–i.e., on sex that isn’t entirely consensual.

What I want to know is, why didn’t Scott Summers get a broken neck the first time he used his optic blasts?
[/QUOTE]

Obviously like other mutants, his body automatically compensates for the powers he possesses.

Why is there never any other ship nearby any crisis point besides the Enterprise? Why is she always the only one in the area?

19

[QUOTE=Anaamika]
Obviously like other mutants, his body automatically compensates for the powers he possesses.

Why is there never any other ship nearby any crisis point besides the Enterprise? Why is she always the only one in the area?
[/QUOTE]

Oh, it happens. It’s just that the adventures where she’s part of a task force interdicting green slavery on the Orion border weren’t all that interesting–especially since Kirk would likely have been the JUNIOR captain and given a dull job by some 50-something captain offended by his quick rise through the ranks.

Why didn’t Data just write a macro allowing him to use contractions? He could make it seem random, like his blinking. He’s got a freaking Picard emulator program that works quite well; the no-contraction thing is just irritating.

20

Given that he started using contractions once he installed the emotion chip, apparently there is a logical (although perhaps only on a positronic scale) connection between emotions and contractions.

Why did Picard have an English accent?