A marriage is driving thru a dessert encounter a big sign that reads “YOU ARE ENTERING THE MIDDLE”. Wife is holding a map that reads “NOWHERE”.
Scene inside a cockpit, co-pilot says to pilot “What’s a mountain goat doing up here in the clouds?”
I can’t believe no one has mentioned the single best Far Side of all time.
It’s the boogey man at the door. Big scar down the back of his neck. Two children looking out the window in horror.
The mother, answering the door, says to the boogey man, “Why yes. There are two children here who won’t eat their vegetables.”
Well, Telemark just mentioned my all time favorite.
I also really loved the one with a raft, floating on the waves with a hole in the center. Beneath are two sharks, one with a large lump in it’s belly. The one says to the other something along the lines of: I was just going to circle and scare them a bit, but then they started yelling “Shark! Shark!” and I felt kind of proud…
Similarly with alligators, …“soft on the outside, crunchy on the inside, no claws or sharp teeth…”
Another: Two bears, riding a bicycle in the circus, “‘Looks like a trap’, I said. ‘Nonsense’, you said, ‘who’d put a trap way out here in the woods!’”
Some antelope are standing around, each with TURBO written on his side. One cheetah advises another: “Forget these guys.”
Marketing schemes gone wrong…I cus you cus we all cus for asparagus. (Hood man selling asparagus from an ice cream cart.)
Floating head of death.
Luposlipophobia – fear of being chased by wolves around a table on a freshly waxed floor.
Fear-o-sensor – dog is checking out masters blind date as it approaches the front door.
Yep, that’s one of my favorites. My absolute favorite hasn’t been mentioned yet. It’s not even the funniest one that I’ve seen, so I don’t know why it always cracks me up:
A man is painting a picture of a noble knight standing proudly with one foot in a wagon. Another man walks in and the caption reads, “So Leonardo, how goes your painting of St George and the dragon?”
The real reason dinosaurs became extinct.
Nuff said.
My Favorites:
A little dinosaur donning a baseball hat, glove and bat is standing in the middle of 3 caves with “Sorry, extinct” signs above them. The caption below reads: “Suddenly, Bobby felt very alone in the world” ( I cut this particular one out of a magazine about 15 years ago, it is sad, but I love it!)
A lady walking through a forest pushing her vacuum. The caption below reads: "The woods were dark and foreboding, and Alice sensed that sinister eyes were watching her every step. Worst of all, she knew that Nature abhorred a vacuum.
One popped in to my head as soon as I saw the thread title, then I started reading and forgot it. DAMN!
So for now I’m gonna have to go with:
“You call that mowin’ the lawn? Bad dog! No biscuit!”
DUDE! Just remembered it.
“Bobby, if you will not be quiet, I will once again be forced to knock three times and summon the floating head of death!”
LC
Hoo boy.
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Couple driving through thick jungle with giant ants visible. Wife: “Henry, this is beginning to look less and less like Highway 80.”
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Man finds wife tied up and gagged in backyard; he ungags her; she says “Aphids, Henry! Aphids are loose in the garden!”
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Captionless: cannibals are boiling a couple of anthropologists in a big cauldron, dancing around it. Woman with a bone in her hair is playing an upright piano.
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Husband robin returns home late to angry wife robin. “Well! Out bob-bob-bobbing along, I see!”
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Scientists at the Institute of Deadly Viruses drop a glass jar full of liquid out the window onto the busy sidewalk below. One says: “Uh-oh.”
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“Welcome to Heaven, here’s your harp.” “Welcome to Hell, here’s your accordian.”
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Two well-to-do cows sit idly in their living room. Wife says to husband: “Wendell, I’m not content.”
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Salesman knocks on cemetary gate. Ghoul appears: “Sorry, we’re dead.”
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Two desert islands, separated by narrow strip of water. On one island is a very thin man. On the other island is a chicken. Chicken: “Good weather for sharks, huh? Man-eaters. Killers of the sea, yessirree. Circling and circling.”
Captionless: at the beach, a fish in a fishbowl outfitted with wheels drives up out of the water, circles around a sunbather on a towel, and back into the sea. The determined expression on the fish’s face is just priceless.
Another vote for the sad violin-playing dog here, too.
My favorires are those with the “Oh crap!” moments. Generally someone’s eyes are bulging.
Wife calls out window to husband in a really bad neighborhood to put the $50 check into savings and deposit the $500 cash into checking.*
*more or less
I saw one once that had a book of horse remedies.
Broken leg - shoot
Sore throat - shoot
fear of heights - shoot
I’m sure it’s a Far Side but I can’t find it in any Far Side book. Anyone know where it’s from?
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Guy standing on the bottom of the ocean in one of those old diving suits that has the hose running up to the boat. He’s looking up as the boat is sinking above him.
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Huge baby laying face down on a runway with two guys sitting on his back. Other babies flying around. The guys are running through a checklist: paraphrase, Lights…check, Landing gear…check, alright let’s get this baby off the ground
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Two deer being viewed through a scope of a rifle. One deer is pointing real hard at the other deer.
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A whole bunch of penguins. One penguin sticking up out of the middle singing “I gotta be me”
I bought my Dad a mug with this one on. (He used to scuba dive.)
There are two divers with oxygen tanks on swimming around, and two sharks are watching them. One shark says to the other: “Don’t eat the hard things on their backs. They give you gas.”
Or something to that effect.
Ah yes, bears, thanks. Looks like the ol’ memory is starting to go.
Two cavemen standing outside their cave, pondering the giant glacier 10 feet from their cave enterance. Caption: “Say Thag…wall of ice closer today?”
Two shark ones:
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Shark getting people to run into the water by shouting “Bear! Bear!”
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No caption. Big crowd of people swimming happily near a beach. Swimming toward them are two normal looking sharks. Swimming away are two sharks with big bulges around their stomachs and contended-looking smiles.