Oh my god, guys. Don’t do this to me. It’s embarrassing! :o You also made we run into the bathroom to cry. While I will cry in front of my wife, I’m NOT going to in front of her friend who is staying the night.
Actually, thank you very much. I was almost afraid that I was going to be pitted for being a drama queen. It is really touching that people take the time to reach out. Thank you Auto for the tread and for everyone to has contributed. It’s really nice to have friends, even if they are “just pixels on the screen”!
Things had been rough for a while. The one year anniversary was coming up, and the anticipation was worse than the event. I had run into various problems, for which I’ve bent everyone’s ear, but I’m headed back up. The Lady in Red and I visited her friends up in Hokkaido and we got out into the beautiful green countryside. It was really relaxing. We came back today, and I put together some shelves. There’s nothing like action to help drive away the blues.
Writing has proven therapeutic for me. I used to bury the pain, but forcing myself to express it both qualifies and quantifies the experience. Sharing Ian’s story, from the excitement of the pregnancy through the pain of losing him, helped me focus on what I was feeling and the greater meanings in my life. It was my honor to share with you and the outpouring of support was tremendous. My wife and I appreciate this support more than you possibly imagine. I used to go back to the hospital and read her all the responses. She was so touched that everyone cared so much.
Like many, admitting weakness is not easy, which makes writing a little easier. Still, it’s a little embarrassing to admit you don’t have control of yourself at times. While I mostly write for selfish purposes, if one person reading these treads also gains strength to get help or appreciate their blessings, then it will be an added bonus.
My counselor talks of the resilience of the human spirit. It is amazing that people can face far worse than any of us ever see and still walk away with sanity. It’s fortunately for me, that for some reason, my experiences have helped motivate me to protect those who can’t protect themselves.
I’m also extremely fortunate to have found a wonderful woman who I dearly love and who dearly loves me back. It’s nice to have worked out enough of the shit in my life so that I play less games with my loved ones. Since you know all the rest of my dirty secrets, I may as well confess that I was not faithful to my last wife. Part of the problem was that we were emotionally not connected but also part was my screwed up life. I was concerned when I met my wife – that I would act out again, but like admitting that I’ve got problems with drinking, I just decided to never tempt fate. I appreciate so much what I have that I would never forgive myself for screwing that up. (no pun intended) We’ve worked too hard together and have gone through so much that any momentary pleasure wouldn’t be worth it.
Last year I wrote that I read in an article somewhere that tragedies either tend to drive people apart or together. We chose the later and it’s been paradise.
People may say that they wouldn’t have the strength to do the same thing, but as one of the survivors of the Andes flight disaster said, you don’t know until you’ve been in that situation yourself. Along with the 100% of the rest of humanity, my life hasn’t always been a bowl of cherries, but it’s made me who I am, and I’m happy with that.
Thank you all again. Please don’t worry, I’m doing fine and I’m back on my feet again. My wife is feeling better as well and we’re enjoying our procreation activities. (Speaking of which, it’s that time of the month again. I’ll be called into duty shortly.)
I hope someday you can teach me your tricks. Next time I’m in Japan we gotta go for some drinks.
