The Ford Crown Vic Hate Thread

The BBQ Pit
1

God, how I loathe that car. I despise it in every way. Please allow me to elaborate.

  1. No matter who’s driving, it’s a cop car. Come on, you all know the feeling… you’re getting on the highway and you see a Crown Vic behind you. So what do you do? You slow down far below the speed limit to portray the very image of the safe driver, and in the meantime your stomach knots up, and you’re saying oh please please PLEASE don’t pull me over! Then it pulls up next to you since you’re only doing 35 at this point ,and lo and behold, it’s some bluehair haulin’ ass down the highway, hunched forward intensely focused on the road like Mario at the Brickyard. Finally, you relax, curse to yourself, and get back up to 72-75 mph, and wouldn’t ya know it, that’s when the cop with HIS Crown Vic gets you.

  2. It’s got a big V-8 in it, and it’s easily the slowest car on the road when you’re in a hurry. It’s an old person car. How many of you 20-30 year olds actually went car shopping for a Crown Vic? OK, maybe one of you, but we won’t count you because you’re mentally deranged. No, it’s for grandma and grandpa, and they drive like they have all the time in the world, which of course they don’t. No, I think there should be a law that all Crown Vics have to stay in the right lane.

  3. They blow up. Even though I loathe traffic cops, I would never wish death on them. And this overgrown Pinto has killed many of them. Tap it in the back with a ball-peen hammer and they blow sky high. Therefore, I say we put about 300 pounds of armor plate on the back to protect them, thus making the COP cars the slowest on the highway and negating my need to be nervous when I see one of them.

  4. My car only has a four banger in it. Where’s my big ass V-8? It’s in a car that, due to the driver, cannot exceed 45 MPH with a tailwind. Why can’t I get that in my car so I can lay a 200 foot patch of ass in the parking lot? It’s just not fair!

In conclusion, I absolutely, completely hate that car. That monstrosity should be taken off the road, if only to make the work commute easier. Then I won’t have to have a heart attack, worry about hitting Grandma Moses doing 35 in the fast lane and blowing up her car, and I’ll be ticketless forever.

What a wonderful world that would be.
:smiley:

2

Well, I think the explosion hazard thing is a bit overblown (har!). While it has happened, it’s mainly in VERY high-speed rear-end collisions. Sure, Ford can (and should) redesign the fuel tank to make it safer. But this is not another Pinto; Grandma’s Crown Vic is not going to blow up when she backs into a parking-lot lamppost.

And I’d hate to say it, but if the Crown Vic went out of production, the traffic cops wouldn’t disappear, they’d just buy Impalas :slight_smile:

Personally, I think the 2001-and-older Explorer is a more hazardous vehicle than the Crown Vic. And then we have the Ford Focus, which seems to be trying to overtake the nightmarish Chevy Citation for number of safety recalls. Ford’s got a lot of problems bigger than the Crown Vic.

-Andrew L

3

Don’t forget the Grand Marquis.

4

It’s exactly this kind of whining about another person’s choice of automobile that makes me want to retch. Look, if you’re going to make an argument based on collision statistics or safety, get your facts straight before you run about whinging like little girl trying to rope in dupes for a tea party.

First, so bloody what if it looks like a cop car? If you’re obeying the traffic laws then you needn’t worry, and if you’re not I hope they yank your license and give you a particularly uncomfortable pair of shoes. It is not the job of the police to clearly identify themselves so that you may flout traffic laws without the horrible prospect of being forced to drive like a human being.

If you’re complaining about other people’s driving, that hasn’t got a damn thing to do with the kind of car they drive. Their driving is unsafe, period. Attack them, and not the inanimate object which, you may have guessed, has no control whatsoever over its speed or direction.

If you want a V-8, pay for it. Everyone who bought a Crown Victoria has. It is a fascinating concept, but the ways of Capitalism are magical and mysterious.

Drive within the traffic laws, and get off everyone else’s back. I can choose to drive any car I damn well please, and I will not change that, or my driving habits, so that you can endanger everyone else on the road without being pestered by the police. If you want a faster car so that you can threaten the public safety even more, I’m glad that all the old women in Crown Victorias have taken the V-8s. You don’t seem to have the maturity as a driver to handle that kind of power and responsibilty. Grow up.

5

Wow.

That is absolutely, positively, the most dick-headed response to a rant I have ever seen.

Wow. I’m in shock.

6

Hey, when I went car shopping I actually tried to find a black Ford Crown Victoria w/ police interceptor package. It would have costed 5 grand more than I could afford however (I wanted a low mileage car). That doesn’t make me deranged, I just need a lot of trunk space for bodi…uh nevermind.

BTW, a deputy sheriff told me a '99 Crown Vic will do 132 mph.

7

Geez, get that stick out of your butt.

8

Man, have you ever heard of, maybe, a joke? It was intended to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek, and I think most people got it.

You really gotta lighten up, fella.

Again, meant in a humorous vein, but nonetheless true. Everybody slows down when they see one, whether they’re speeding or not. Just tonight I was doing a whopping 68 MPH to see my sister’s basketball game, and there was a police officer sitting there. So what did everyone do? That’s right, they slowed down to 50 MPH for fear of getting tagged. And they did it very quickly. On a wet road. I almost got tagged from behind. Is that really in the interest of public safety, to create an accident where there isn’t one? No, of course not. And yet, a civilian driving what looks like a cop car has the potential to do just that, so identifiable is the Crown Vic with law enforcement.

Once again, tongue-in-cheek. I’m sorry you didn’t get it. I thought the smiley at the end gave it away. I guess I was wrong. :slight_smile:

The magical V-8 is kinda interesting to me, the way it lays out. The engine is designed with monstrous amounts of horsepower, a very desirable thing for younger drivers. Yet younger drivers are the people least equipped to afford it. It’s kinda like interest rates. The people who can least afford the high rates are the very people that get them. But that, I guess, is another rant for another time. I’d love to have me a nice big-block V-8, but, alas, it’s not to be. It’s probably for the best, though, since I have a heavy foot anyway. :slight_smile:

Grow up? Sir, I have a child who’s life is in my hands every time I go out on the road. Caution is of paramount importance when I drive. My hellraising days are over.

In conclusion, do what you like. I don’t have to like it, but man, you gotta respect my right to say it, especially when I say it jokingly.

But hey, I did put this in the Pit, so you may fire when ready, Gridley.

9

This is not the first pit thread about Crown Victorias, and it’s a cousin to the SUV threads. Yes, you’re trying to be funny, but I don’t think it’s funny, and I think that this forum does not require any more justification than that for me to voice my opinion. Stop complaining about other people’s cars. You’re not even complaining about the Crown Vic, you’re complaining that it’s difficult to identify cop cars, or the sort of people you perceive as driving them, or the goofy reactions of other drivers upon seeing a police car. How this all ties into a piece of machinery, I do not know.

And I’ve got my V-8.

10

Chill out, he can complain about whatever he wants. Besides that, I agree with him. If you have a V-8, put it to use!

11

Airman Doors… if you run naked through the streets in green jello… which you will be mydear… I want pictures.

12

Christina25, I think there are enough embarassing pictures of me on the Net without adding a few more…

[sub]iampunha, that’s your cue…[/sub]

Trucido, how does this tie in to a piece of machinery? I thought I made my case. Apparently it wasn’t clear to you.

A Crown Victoria, driven by a civilian, is very often misidentified as a police car. I, personally, am of the mind that police cruisers enforcing speed limits very often cause more problems than they prevent, due to the fact that in very heavy traffic people will slow down suddenly and everyone behind them runs the risk of a major collision. From what I see, you’re in Austin, and having been through there, I know you know what I’m talking about. My contention is that a civilian Crown Vic, while entirely unintentional, has the same effect on traffic, because until the person in the car is identified, it is assumed to be a police officer and everyone panics. I’ve personally observed this time and time again.

Also, even if the police officer is going slow, there is great reluctance to pass him, since that is almost never done. A civilian Crown Vic can potentially block a substantial amount of traffic by going considerably slower than the speed limit for that very reason.

I think that they should be police cars and nothing else, or they should just go away, but then I’d have to gripe about another car. However, I’m not Henry Ford II, so my opinion doesn’t matter anyway.

Next time I try to bring a chuckle to the masses, somebody smack me, OK? :wink:

13

I’ve got an old people’s car SQUARED: a 1990 Crown Vic station wagon. AKA Land Yacht. As my brother said when I opened the back and he looked inside, “Hmm, sleeps two, fucks four.” Swallows whole sheets of plywood without even so much as burping.
Got it used, in perfect condition (probably driven by some old guy who obsessed over it) for very little. Put it on my credit card. No kidding. After having driven around in Rabbits & a Plymouth Reliant, this thing is a dream: stopped at a light, it’s hard to tell the engine is even on. Hit the gas, and it goes. Someone pisses me off on the highway, and I can go from my typical cruising speed of 50 (yeah, I’m one of those, but I do stay out of the left lane) to 70 or 80 in a heartbeat. And the A/C is powerful and good.
Just to give you an idea of what kind of driver I am, by the way, my son swears my dad, who’s over eighty years old, drives faster than I do. Having ridden shotgun with my dad just recently, I realized he’s right too.

14

So what you’re saying is you do 40 in a 65 and your dad does 45?

Chump change, mah man, chump change. :wink:

15

Well, for what little it’s worth, I got a chuckle out of it.

Then again, I took it in the spirit in which it was pretty obviously written.

16

I think my dad actually manages to make the speed limit. Wotta concept.

17

::raises hand:: I sorta did. I liked the interior space they got (hey, I’m a pretty big guy, and I often have passengers). Didn’t just look at Crown Vics, though… kept an eye on just about any sedan: Taurus’s (Tauri?), Camry’s, Accords, Malibu’s…

18

Sorry I’m late:smiley:

Oh, and Trucido, lemme just get a pair of pliers and remove that … HOLY SHIT THAT THING’S HUGE! No wonder you’re such a tight-ass…

19

I’m long past the 20-30 yo range but I helped my Mom buy a Grand Marquis this past spring. This to replace her old Grand Marquis.

She likes it, and I feel secure knowing she’s wrapped in a whole lot of steel, but driving it is like driving an over-stuffed sofa down the road.

BTW, if you want your American made RWD V8 with some giddy-up, check out the Marauder. http://www.elepent.com/review.php?nr=318

20

The Crown Vic V8, especially the 4.6, is very underpowered. It is not, nor has it been a high horsepower engine. It does have a large amount of torque, however, with a very fat curve. This is why people like them.
[sub](And anyone who wants to explain “power” versus “torque” to “the little lady” ought to hit the Search engine first and see what I’ve written on it in GQ)[/sub]

I know several 20-30 year-olds who buy them who are not deranged. They buy ex-police cars at auction so they can get their V8. Sure, they are clapped-out after 300,000 miles of hard driving, and are down to about 120 hp max, but hey…Johnny got his “V8”.

Una, who had her very powerful Mustang V8 until yesterday. Now it has no transmission anymore, thanks to a Ford factory defect which they refuse to pay for.

Oh well, like you said earlier…I’m one of the ones who can afford it. It just sucks. :frowning: