Just wanted to toss in a thanks to Lamar and all the posters in this thread. You have made me laugh so heartily here in my office that the staff think I’m planning a mass firing. 
I didn’t witness this, I was the one being witnessed:
I was walking down an outdoor flight of stairs at a hotel about 10 years ago. Landed funny on one foot, twisted my ankle, and somersaulted down the rest of the stairs (I’m still not quite sure how I managed that). My husband and kids watched this, in horror.
I broke an elbow, and had some nasty bruises (including one on my spine!). It could have been pretty awful, but must have been quite a sight.
I’ve told this one here before.
I was on a large IT project in another city. We were expanding and hiring local staff as well. I got roped last minute into interviewing one candidate.
Now, this fellow had the misfortune to share a last name with a sitcom character. I won’t name names, but other characters on that show included a rich guy and his spouse, a scholarly fellow who could do anything intellectual, an actress, a country girl, and a boat captain.
And, the fellow was terrified. I assume not of me in particular - I’m incapable of harming someone unless I sit on their chest rendering them unable to breathe. Just of life in general, or fear of not getting the job, or fear OF getting the job, or air molecules, or something.
So he’s literally quivering, flop-sweating, and barely able to answer my questions. I’m trying to make the interview last 20 minutes or more before passing him on to the next person (the project manager).
And all the while, I’m visualizing that sitcom, and its catchy tune, and trying not to break out into hysterical laughter.
I finally passed him on to the manager - who got rid of him in less than 10 minutes, then came over to my desk and demanded “WHAT DID YOU DO TO THAT POOR MAN???”. We both howled.
OK, this is reason #1000056 not to get a dog. #1000055 was that story someone told about their dog eating a plastic grocery bag and them having to pull it out of its butt. ::gag
This one happened to me as a teenager but others found it amusing.
My bedroom was in the basement of the house where we lived and our stairs were ridiculously steep. As a teen I had taken to rocketing down the stairs as fast as I could. Then at one point i started getting halfway down and then leaping over the last half of the stairs using the handrail to push off and landing at the bottom. Why? because I was a teenaged boy.
So one fateful day I go barreling down the stairs and grab the railing and jump. Only this time i jumped too early and my head collides with the ceiling above me. As I start to fall I grab the hand railing which I snap in half, I bounce down the stairs on my ass and back and hit feet first the door at the bottom of the stairs completely kicking it out of it’s jamb and splintering the wood. My mother and sister were valiantly trying to fight back the laughter as they came down to see if I was ok.
Now THAT is hilarious!
Growing up, the end of our street was a woodsy area, kinda bowl shaped, steep-sided. When it snowed substantially, the steep sides were great for the foolhardy to sled down and if the street was icy, you could get some speed and some distance. One acquaintance (not really a friend) of ours trudged to the top–he had a small sled, just as long as his trunk–took a running start, flew through the air a piece and rocketed down that hill. Was going like a bat out of hell. He got half a house-length down the street, trying to straighten out his arc, when, just like in a John Hughes comedy, he slammed into the back of someone’s MG. The back of the sled lifted off the ice a half-foot, his legs, a tad higher, then FLUMP! Us kids at the launch site started laughing like fiends. For the two seconds it took for the ice to turn red in a BIG circle around his head. He started to wail–which meant he wasn’t dead–which was the signal for all of us to run like living hell.
Years back I was staying in my parents home way out in the country while they were away. I had been working long shifts over several previous days and arrived home exhausted, ready to just shower and fall in bed. The family dogs including the Great Pyrenees failed to meet me in the driveway as was usual and I was immediately suspicious. As I came around the house to the back door our Rottweiler crept out whining and obviously upset. I called for the others and they also came out of the back porch acting oddly. It was dark and not used to being the only person home I was getting more freaked out by the second. Chastizing myself for being such a kid I made my way into the house and through the kitchen to find blood all over the hallway leading into the bedroom I had been using. I remember thinking maybe a neighbor had been hurt and come looking for help. Tentatively I called out and went to investigate avoiding the smears as best I could. The dogs all hung back in the entry and were ready to bolt. I turned on the one small light in the room to discover more blood and a blanket covered body in the middle of the king size bed. :eek:
I called up every ounce of courage I possessed and pulled back the covers to find an entire deer carcass laid out diagonally across the bed and tucked carefully under the blankets.
Because we had such large dogs we also had an appropriately large dog door. It seems the dogs had found a roadkill a short distance from the house. Over what had to be many hours they had managed to drag it through the road ditch, across the yard, up the front stepsthrough the dog door, living room and hallway. They then pulled it up onto a rather tall bed and neatly tucked it under the covers for safekeeping. After the initial shock passed I couldn’t help laughing. It really could have ended much worse. I was so tired I settled for a quick mop and shutting the bedroom door til morning.
The long-term houseguests brought a Jack Russell terrier with them. Nice little dog. A bit intense, but nice. Milo, the guest dog, fancies himself a great hunter. If it has wings and flies close to the ground, he will stalk it.
Last week, Milo accidentally caught a bee. He immediately began shaking his head, and I swear on my father’s grave that he sounded exactly like a turkey - “gobblegobblegobblegobble.” It wasn’t funny, and yes, I immediately shoved a Benadryl tab down the dog’s gullet. But oh. my. dog. it was hilarious.
And Roanrider, I don’t know whether my situation is better or worse than yours. About twice a month, the Belgian mal finds a new way to get out of his back yard. He goes walkabout for a few minutes, and returns home, carrying another bit of deer skeleton. So far, we have about 80% of a deer to bury. (And poor Tony. He’s absolutely certain that the mal is a supremely alpha dog, just itching to do bite work. I don’t have the heart to tell my darling husband that his K9 is a big ol’ marshmallow, and that he and most of the neighbors have a great big love fest going on.)
I think you need to reconsider your life. 
A couple of years ago, we decided to use our tax return plus a small windfall we’d come into to get passports and go on a cruise.
One of our port stops was at an island called Half Moon Cay. When we got off the tender boat which brought us over from the cruise ship to the island, you had to walk down a hill to get to the beach. I’m from Texas and I haven’t traveled much outside of the South, so I’d NEVER seen sand so freaking white or water that was so clear and blue. It was like something out of a movie.
Naturally, I’m excited by this and I start running down the hill to get to the beach.
And trip over a divot in the ground near the bottom and fall flat on my face with sand in my mouth and eyes. :smack:
It wasn’t funny at the time…but I laugh now.
We used to get this brand of bologna that came with little red strings around the slices. We had to quit after one too many games of “Who wants to retrieve the red string from the cat’s butt this time?”
AAAAAAAHHHHH ::runs screaming from the room
That’s why I no longer put tinsel on the Christmas tree. 
Yup, and no more plastic “grass” in Easter baskets.
My nickname is “Grace” simply because I have none, despite having danced and trained in gymastics for many years. A few weeks ago my daughter and I went to a little zoo. It’s a fun little place with deer, geese, goats, and other animals wandering around and you can feed them. I was laughing too hard at her attempting to avoid the mercenary geese that I didn’t pay attention to my footing and down I went, sliding on my butt down a hill. I was holding a bag of critter food at the time, spilled some, which brought a bunch of baby goats running towards me. So I’m sprawled out on the ground, laughing, with a dozen kids attacking me for food - we’re talking walking over me, headbutting me, yelling at me. My butt and my pride were quite bruised.
That is hilarious.
Yes, it is. It puts me in mind of being in second grade on a field trip to this place called “Japanese Deer Park” (any of you Californians remember this place?), which was a Japanese themed petting zoo / amusement park of sorts. For whatever reason I was carrying my sack lunch when a goat snuck up behind me and proceeded to eat it; brown bag, foil wrapped can of juice and all. I was not as good a sport as Miss Take and cried. Not only had Mr. Goat humiliated me but now I had nothing to eat 
Everyone else had a good laugh about it though, as I do now.
My dog made us a lei out of weeds she found along the road! She is so clever. 
That must be modeled on Nara Park not far from Kyoto in Japan. We’ve been there. Deer roam free everywhere including in the town itself. (Nara town was Japan’s first permanent capital, in the 8th century AD.) Cute until you get your map eaten. Deer food can be bought at various shops – which all seem to have lots of deer hanging around nearby, and heaven help you if all of them at once see you’ve bought some food.
One summer a couple of my friends had a job trimming trees and they’d carted months of debris to a field in the country where a dozen of us gathered to have a huge bonfire and keg beer. That night we were all sitting on logs around the perimeter, one friend had gotton pretty loaded and was cocking off about something when all of a sudden an aerosol can that apparently was in the pile exploded and came shooting out of the fire like a missile with an industrial scream and smoke trail and hit my friend smack in the middle of his chest. Stunned, he stood up, looked down at his still smoking chest, processed what had just happened, let out a panicked scream and just started running as fast as he could past us. But the haul trailer was in his way and he ran right into the unyielding tongue with both shins and suddenly he was flying horizontally past us, looking at us with eyes completely open but paralyzed with fear and he’s now screaming in an even higher pitch because of his whacked shins.
Any time I hear him cocking off again now I just smile think about that time he could fly.