Never get a tattoo where a judge can see it.
If you’re not sure it’s supposed to have raisins in it, don’t eat it.
What we hold sacred gives out lives meaning.
Yesterday is dead; tomorrow is unknown. Live for today.*
Life is to be enjoyed, not endured - Hubert Humphrey
*with apologies to Omar Khayyam.
Know exits and evacuation routes. In a building, always go down.
There’s cream that you put in your hair? What does it do? :dubious:
See, people like to make fun of claustrophobes, but we always know where all the exits are. 
Agreed 100%, but there is the flipside: A gentleman (or gentlewoman) is comfortable with conflict. That is, don’t avoid conflict just so that you can avoid uncomfortable feelings.
I suppose it depends on whether you’ve spent more of your life with your foot in your mouth or someone else’s foot on your chest.
Maybe a good catch-all bit of advice is to choose your battles wisely, then fight them to the best of your abilities.
It is difficult to say what absolute truth is, but it’s almost always easy to recognize bullshit.
The harder you work, the luckier you get. – Gary Player.
You want to increase the amount of things that go right in your life? Work harder.
The worst thing to do is to not try your best because you are scared that your best won’t be good enough. The results are actually the same when you don’t try and when you try and fail.
Get a job.
Get involved.
Get laid.
Get over it.
I’ll post the only thing I have learned in 40 years:
Don’t mess with or pick at the zit, and don’t squeeze it until you’re absolutely sure it’s ready and will go in one good squeeze. Even then, wait a little longer.
Heinlein was right. TANSTAAFL.
And don’t forget to post about it. 
If you get the opportunity to go to college, don’t fuck it up. Sometimes you only get that one chance before life comes in and takes charge.
Stay single until age 30. Don’t let yourself be pressured into early child-bearing/rearing. By 30 you should be somewhat established in your field and can contemplate taking on the expense of raising kids, if that’s what you want. You’re also smarter about relationships, know more about the type of person you’re looking for, and hopefully have had lots of wild monkey sex.
Love many, trust few, always paddle your own canoe.
Appeal to the better man - meaning there’s a good side to everyone, there’s a part of everyone that wants to be good.
Breathing: In Good, Out Bad
Everything in moderation. The trick is finding out the moderation point of everything. Heroin= 0, water = no more than a gallon a day.
One stumble does not a failure make. I found this out on Sparkpeople…so many people felt down on themselves for having an extra candy bar or pigging out on potato chips. Tomorrow is another day.
And my favorite…you can do whatever you want. You just have to accept the consequences.
And always, always, read read read.
If you must call out your lover’s name while having sex, make damn sure you call out the right name.
If you have something tedious that you have to do in the near future - homework, run to the bank, make an unpleasant phone call, put gas in the car, pick up a library book - if possible: do it now. Get it over with. Yes, you can do it tomorrow, but you may have a headache, or be too tired, or get distracted and don’t get around to it, with dire results. Do it now.
Put a little aside for an emergency. Not just money, but put an extra grocery item or two - a roll of TP, a bottle of aspirin, a can of pet food - away on a shelf. My friend puts two scoops of ground coffee into a jar kept in the refrigerator every time she opens a new can, and that jar of coffee has come in mighty handy several times. Be a good ant and then you can laugh at the grasshopper.
Measure twice, cut once.
I am really enjoying this thread. I’ve always appreciated good advice.
As soon as you are able, learn who you really are. Make sure you’re absolutely right about that. Then, live the way you want to live.
As soon as you start to feel guilty, figure out why. Taking the wrong course of action will only magnify the guilt.