There is no matrix
- The glass
There is no metajokes.
– Nietzche
When come back, bring more liquid.
Did you know glass is liquid too? Just leave it there long enough and @!&^&t g1gG&@^!^&1t67ETB* @*&!87 NO CARRIER
Glass whole
That glass is a shot of Zen, one part booze, one part air.
Glass isn’t a liquid. Metallurgists have a special name for the state glass is in.
It’s called glass.
Now with a glass and a half of whoosh in every cup!
The glass is insufficiently engineered to hold the designated amount of fluid.
This is all being done wrong.
First comes:
“This guy walks into a bar…”
Now you may carry on.
If only you weren’t being such a pain in the glass.
Optimist : “The glass is half full.”
Pessimist : “The glass is half empty.”
Engineer : “The glass is twice as large as it needs to be.”
Scientist : “After being heated to 10,000 degrees Kelvin and the resulting plasma spectroscopically analyzed, it appears that the glass was composed of elements in these concentrations . . .”
Leftist : “Half empty, half full, it’s still bought with the suffering of the poor.”
Cynic : “You’re gonna charge me full price for that half glass of water, I’m sure.”
Green : “It’s polluted anyway.”
TV Preacher : “It is half full, as the LORD prophesied unto me last night ! Send me your financial offerings to support the LORD’s work, and you too shall be blessed with half full glasses, unto all those who BELIEVE ! And those who doubt, those who express the SINFUL LIE that the glass is half empty, shall BURN IN HELL forever, for doubting the LORD ! AMEN ! !”
…You see the glass as half-empty; we see it as half-full…
Yes. But it's blood.Depressive: “Who cares? Someone’s just going to knock it over anyway”
In free fall you don’t need the glass just a straw. The water will form a globe.
No, it’s been designed to withstand a 100 year flood. Now damnnold FEMA has decreed that it must be designed to withstand a 200 year flood and we’re going to have to slap every glass with a property assessment to raise the funds needed to raise the level of all those rims. And don’t bother telling me that, in a 200 year flood, the pitcher will overflow and swamp the glass anyway. I already know that.
Depends … does he have a glass jaw?
The glass is redundantly over-engineered.
I can usually get a laugh out of this one (if I speak slowly):
An Optimist says the glass is half full.
A Pessimist says the glass is half empty.
I am a Realist. I say, “Somebody’s going to have to wash that glass.”
Ba-dum-bump:cool:
I have an innate ability to add filler to extend jokes, you know, just to suck up attention when it is bestowed upon me. If I want to really screw with their heads, I can build a good backstory on the fly. At work I have to keep it short. Usually something like a punch in the throat works better. Quick, effective and unexpected. And it’s funnier. Everybody laughs. (Well, almost everybody)
Lawyer: “If you’ld give me a retainer of a part of the contents, I think we can argue that the glass and contents are ‘found property,’ and that you’ve got a good claim on the whole thing.”
WHOSE been drinking from MY glass?