When the wife and I got married in 1980 we received a set of china and silverware.
Tonight my daughter Saxony, and son in law, and my son Jimmer and his wife came over for dinner. My other son Maxwell and his wife just had their first and they were too tired to make the drive up to Milwaukee.
My daughter, 31 years old, freaks at her mother: "OMG! Are these the dishes you always protected with your life and bitched we were never supposed to use them…EVER? And we’d get pounded and grounded for life if we ever used them?"
Yes, yes they were. And guess what? Tonight was the first time we ever used them. The “special occasions” my wife was saving them for never came. Every party, every dinner we ever gave, we never used this china or the silverware. Everytime we moved they had to be packaged in the utmost care.
The kids and I laughed and laughed. Wife didn’t think it was so funny.
I thought it was especially funny because when I was a kid growing up it was the same thing. We had a special set of china and silverware that my ma never used because they were for a “special occasion”. My mother is in her 80’s and that china and silverware is still sitting in the cabinet, never been used. She now jokes that it’s for the luncheon we’ll serve after her funeral.
“WYF?” is supposed to be “WTF?”, right? (I note that ‘T’ and ‘Y’ are right next to each other on my keyboard. Not that I’m saying that you used my keyboard.) I once heard a group of female porn performers refer to their lady parts as “my china” during a discussion, 'cause they didn’t like the P word or that other C word. Other than that, I got nothing.
Is there a special word for such a grouping of female porn performers? You know, like “gaggle of geese” or “herd of hens?” If not, shouldn’t there be?
Oh, wait - I do have something, something that I just remembered from the theme song to the hit US TV show “The Jeffersons.” The good china and the good silverware are items that indicate that the lady of the house has moved on up in the world. That is what they are and nothing else. As such, of course they cannot be allowed contact with actual food, or the lady of the house will be perceived to have come on down in the world. And really, who wants that?
Early in his career at Burroughs, my FIL spent a few weeks in England working a project. While there, he bought a complete set of Wedgewood China - service for 12, I think, with extra serving pieces. It was displayed in the china cabinet, packed with care for each move (and there were several) until my MIL finally decided it was silly to not use it. By that time, the set was incomplete due to breakage, but there was enough to set a Thanksgiving table. They’d hauled it thither and yon for at least 25 years.
My MIL was so proud of that china, and she worried that her 3 boys would fight over it after she died. Except none of them had any idea that it was something special, apart from it never being used. Us 2 daughters-in-law knew its value, and I don’t know about Danielle, but I certainly don’t want the stuff.
I never owned fine china, altho a couple of times I considered buying some. But we don’t do the type of entertaining where the china matters. For over 30 years, Corelle has served us just fine. No fancy crystal, either, except for 2 pieces that my mother gave me - they’re collecting dust in the hutch. And my silver is a set my dad gave to his mother when he was in the Marines. I don’t know if she ever used it, but after she died, it came to me. We’ve used it a few times, but I prefer our stainless flatware - the pieces are more practical.
Man, this topic takes me back to just as I was about to graduate from high school. A salesman was making the round of all the female graduates, trying to sell them Hope chests and all the cookware, china, and crystal to fill it. It was the tail end of an era, I think. I don’t know that my two youngest sisters were ever approached. And I don’t know how that guy thought I could pay for all that stuff - I was living at home, planning to go to college, no boyfriend, and no thoughts of marriage. Ah, memories…
When my mother died she had two amazingly complete sets of awesome (if one is into such things) china - one rimmed in gold and one in silver.
The dealer I spoke to said that china is not holding its value these days because the world has changed; people just aren’t interested in collecting and using fancy china sets the way they used to be.
Anyway, I kept the silver one even though it was the less valuable of the two, because my personal tastes run more to silver than gold. And I donated the gold set to the retirement home she was living in at the time of her death. She’d be horrified, but what the hell was I going to do with TWO sets of china? Fortunately I never collected a set of my own so now I guess it is nice to have one set (although it is of necessity in storage at the moment; she died in Iowa and I live in Indonesia). Two sets? No way!
Here in England it wasn’t just the ‘fine china’. My mother kept the front room of our house immaculate ‘for visitors’.
I don’t recall anyone ever using it…
Growing up, we ate on the Wedgwood china that my parents bought after they got married. It doesn’t look like any of the fancy thin stuff they sell now. Thick, simple, almost rustic. It still looks good despite being a product of the 70s. They’ve found replacement pieces online.
I have inherited my parents’ gorgeous set of Franciscan Ware, from the '30s. It’s service for 12 (plus serving pieces), very art deco, with semi-squarish shapes, a dusty rose color with cream-colored interiors. My mother wasn’t the type of person to keep her good china locked up; she did use it for special occasions . . . until my cousin broke a piece while helping wash them. I’ve searched online for a replacement, but to no avail.
There’s also a set of fine silver, which had belonged to my great-grandmother. It’s way too traditional for my taste, so I never use it. My mother didn’t actually like it either, but it had great sentimental value to her.
I occasionally use the dishes myself, for special occasions with my partner or guests. The dishes go beautifully with my contemporary flatware set. I’m not saving them for anything, and aside from my partner I have no heirs. So why not use them?
My parents were both artists, and had amazing taste. So the house is filled with collectibles from the 30s on, lots of authentic art deco and Danish modern. Everything complements my own taste, which is more contemporary and edgy.
Me: But we don’t use it even when we have dinner parties!
Her: I don’t want it broken.
Me: But if we never use it, it might as well be broken!
Her: Only for special occasions.
I dropped the argument. Several weeks passed.
It was a Friday night. I dragged myself home from work, ready to collapse for the evening. I found that my dear wife had cooked a special dinner, chosen a non-cheap bottle of wine, gotten dressed up, and invited me to sit down and eat.
And she used the good china.
I asked what the special occasion was. She said, “You convinced me of what a special occasion was.”
Sometimes you really annoy the piss out of me. :mad: But then you tell stories like this and I am reminded of the humanity behind the poster. This is a wonderful wonderful post, and thank you for sharing it.
We have some beautiful, delicate china that we use maybe once a month. It is too nice not to use, especially if you are into food porn (photographing food).
Gad, my first MIL gave me a set, and all I ever did was pack it and move it and serve dinner on it when they were there, when she would say everytime “Oh, you don’t need to use the GOOD china for US!!”
She had a big collection of old plates and platters and pitchers and stuff she always promised him he would get. We both died at the thought.
Eventually dumped him. And the damn china. I don’t get it.
When one of my brothers moved home after getting out of the military, one of the first things he did was drag out all the silver, crystal, and pewter that my mom had inherited which had previously sat permanently in a mule chest, unused. The collective attitude of the family was why the hell not.
My grandmother’s estate sale had dispensed of any actual china years and years ago- so when we visit Mom, we drink from cut crystal and eat with this beautiful heavy silverware, usually from paper plates.
When one of my brothers moved back home, one of the first things he did was drag out all the silver, crystal, and pewter that my mom had inherited from wealthy generations past. It had previously sat permanently unused and unseen, in a mule chest in the dining room.
My grandmother’s estate sale had dispensed of any actual china, so when we visit Mom, we drink from cut crystal and eat with this beautiful heavy silverware, usually from paper plates.
I think I’ll make that suggestion around here. We have a fine set of Lenox china that my dad gave us as a wedding gift. For the next several years he gave us a new place setting each year.
It’s a pain to use because it is too delicate for the dishwasher and needs to be packed in its pretty padded containers, but I would like to see the nice stuff out once in a while.
Perhaps we are related. My Grandma would use the fine china for Sunday and holiday dinners; granted this fine china came from the Alden’s catalog, but for a household that didn’t have indoor plumbing it was pretty classy.
We would then wash this fine china and dry it using dishtowels that were more hole than towel. Occasionally Grandma would sew two towels together in a vain effort to give them more absorbency. These towels were housed in a tall metal cabinet containing several shelves of, you guessed it, brand-new dish towels. Apparently family members, seeing the holey dishtowels, would buy new ones for Grandma. Meanwhile she would be sewing old towels together and leaving the new ones in the cabinet, presumably awaiting the Resurrection.
“Good” China Syndrome is comorbid with Hand Towel Syndrome.
Hand Towel Syndrome is when people whose parents kept hand towels out for company, but threatened their children with immediate death and dismemberment if THEY used the hand towels. So all of those children won’t touch a hand towel, anywhere. Instead the surreptitiously dry their hands on the host’s bathrobe.
My mother has a beautiful set of good china she got from her mom. It has metal rims, but she chucks them in the dishwasher anyway. She also has my nana’s good dishes.
She also has two sets of silver – her own, and her mom’s.
I have my nana’s (my great aunt’s) silver, but put my foot down at the idea of “good” china, because no one in my age group was using the stuff. I got some plain Johnson Brothers stoneware instead. White with a raised white pattern around the rim. It can be dressy or casual, and goes right in the dishwasher without any problems.
My MIL has a set of Rosenthal china that my husband says has never been used - they certainly haven’t been any time we’ve eaten at her house. I don’t know why this happens either - no one needs a service for 12 for display purposes only.
My mother insisted I choose a china and silver pattern when I got married - I suspect so it would give her friends something easy to buy as a wedding gift if they wished. We use it about 4 times a year.
My grandmother used her Wedgewood all the time - pretty much every time we visited, she’d bring it out. After she died, my mother gave me the silverware that went with it, and we passed the china on to her son’s kids. I’ve not used her silver - it’s an ornate rose-point pattern that doesn’t go at all with the very plain gold-rimmed china I own.
I also have a set of silverware my dad bought in Japan shortly after WWII was over - he gave it to my mom, who never used it because she didn’t like the pattern much. I never use it because I never think to do it. I should probably sell it …
She also has my nana’s good dishes.