There must be a Government Program™. Otherwise, I cannot for the life of me figure it out. Every single day in my life, this happens to me. When talking to my friends, they have experienced the same thing. It has dawned on me that there is a reason. All those people on welfare, maybe. Perhaps they have to perform some kind of service in order to get their cheques. And seeing that unemployment is up while the problem is getting worse, I feel there must be a connection.
I’m talking about people who block my way. They’re everywhere.
The most annoying is the person blocking the doors. It could be doors to an elevator or doors when going in or out of a store. I’m behind that person, this agent of the government conspiracy, walking at a normal pace, going out from my local IKEA. The very second that person sets foot outside the doors – wham. A grinding halt, stop. He (or sometimes a she) has just stop, blocking the way, and looks around with a puzzled face. Forgot where your car is parked? Checking the weather? Forgot to pick up something? Did you leave the wallet at the check-out line?
I don’t care. By stopping, you’re creating a pedestrian gridlock where everyone, downloaded with shopping carts and packages bump into each other. If there is some reason to stop – for heaven’s sake, take a step to the side.
And while I’m on the subject of check-out lines. Why is it, that wherever I decide to shop, there is a little old lady (or geezer) in front who always hold up the line indefinitely? There seems to be three basic strategies she uses to hold up the line:
A. “Wait dear, I think I have exact change!” This dreaded comment will not only send shivers down my spine, it will freeze every bone in my body and create an anguish that I understand some people feel when it comes to public speaking. She will of course, start counting up coins on the counter, to reach the exact amount which she is due to pay. Often, she turns the coins around, as if to make sure what denomination they have. This takes an incredible amount of time and always, always, leaves here a few coins short. She didn’t have the exact change, and will now proceed to start putting the coins back, fumbling with them and not being able to scope them up. The girl working the cashier senses the frustration from the other customers and tries to help. Finally, the lady pays with bills.
B. “Excuse me, but you charged me 4.99. This item’s on sale for 4.49.” My reaction is the same as in example A and I know I’m in for a wait. Either the lady took another brand of the same merchandise, which is easily solved. Many times I’m tempted to fork up the difference, but in thinking that I should mind my own business and that it might seem condescending, I grumble under my breath and wait. However, at other times, the lady is right. There is something wrong with whatever was programmed from the bar-code. The girl working the checkout will then have to call the supervisor. At this point, The Gaspode is very near a breakdown. Yes, lady, I know you’re right. I know you think they tried to rip you off. I know that you have another sense of what items cost, due to inflation and your age. But it’s still only 0.50.
C. “It seems I brought the wrong purse. I don’t have enough money with me.” This is, of course embarrassing for her, but now we have to suffer through her trying to pick what item not to buy and which things to take home.
At this point, the reader of this rant might think I’m hyper-stressed or that I hate little ol’ ladies and despise senior citizens. Not at all. I’m a fairly calm person. I used to be stressed, but that’s gone, since I quit my job and live off a very, very generous severance package. What’s so damned annoying is that people are getting more and more inconsiderate. Nothing exists in the whole world but them. No one is trying to help others out in the hurly-burly existence of everyday life. Let’s look at traffic.
I make a point, when making a left in an intersection, to try to go as far out as possible, without endangering myself or oncoming traffic. I try to do this so that the guy in the car right behind me will have a chance at making the turn on this green light to. There are so many morons part of the Government Conspiracy™, which stay at the light and wait for oncoming traffic to cease. At this point, they lurch out and across traffic coming from left and right, leaving the rest of us standing there, waiting.
This is similar to the jerk (male, under 40) who’s driving while talking on his cell. Clearly, he’s part of the government program™, since his sub-par intelligence doesn’t let him chew gum and walk at the same time, or in this case, drive and talk. There is something about people talking on cell phones while driving. They don’t look in the rear view mirrors, they tend to coast in the lane, to the point where I, directly behind or to the side fear for an accident, because his car is now 1,5” from my right side rear view mirror. I had a minor accident about a month ago, when this challenger of simultaneous tasks on my right noticed a parked car in is lane and decided to skip over to the lane I’m driving in. Of course, he’s driving a Ford Galaxy and doesn’t have a clue about the size of the car. And he’s talking on his cell phone. So he misjudges his own speed, the size of the gap and his car, and his ability to drive while talking. So he creamed the front right flank of my car.
Mostly, the problem with these participants in The Government Program™ is that they don’t move with the flow of traffic. They’re so busy trying to do two things at the same time, they either go too fast or too slow. They’re in my way.
To round off this long rant, I’ll go back to elevators – a subject I touched on briefly before. There are some conspirators who come into an almost full elevator and position themselves right inside the doors. At the next stop, they act annoyed when people behind try to get out and ask them to move. They seem unwilling to take the effort and help people get off the car (maybe to stand outside and block for others). This is my prime example and the clearest indication of the conspiracy. I think these guys are newbies, giving what the bureaucrats at the Agency think is the easiest task. But they were wrong – now I’m on to them.
