Last night, around 1:30 AM, I decided to go for a quick drive around the mostly-deserted streets of Boston. I got onto the I-90 onramp, gunned the engine, and coming around a corner, was promptly forced to slam on my brakes - there was a long line of stopped cars in front of me, behind a State Police car sitting at the top of the ramp, lights flashing. A State Police trooper was standing outside it, watching us intently.
There was no traffic on the highway. While I waited for something to happen, several more cars piled up behind me. I assumed that there was some kind of construction going on, as is frequent in Boston, and that they were setting up a work zone somewhere.
However, after waiting about five minutes, I realized I was wrong. Several State Police cars appeared on the completely empty highway - lights flashing. They were followed by a number of nondescript box trucks, with flashing white lights mounted front and back, and maybe 8 Peter Pan buses. Behind the convoy were more State Police vehicles - lights also flashing.
As they passed by, the trooper guarding my onramp got into his car and joined them at the rear. The rest of the traffic on the onramp followed. The State Police cars were straddling the lanes, preventing anyone from passing and getting too close to the buses. As we went down the highway, I saw that there was a State Police car blocking traffic at every onramp, of which there were a quite few (since we were in the middle of downtown Boston at this point).
I became curious about who or what merited this police escort, especially at this odd hour, so I decided to follow the procession and see where it was going. Along the way, I counted 16 onramps that were blocked by cops. Eventually, we reached Logan Airport, and the vehicles all stopped in front of a departure terminal. The army of cop cars that the convoy had accumulated in its journey all stopped in a circle around the buses, like covered wagons forming a circle against an Indian attack. I drove up to one of the cops and asked what was going on.
I expected to be told that someone important was in the process of catching a flight. Perhaps the governor and his entire staff was going on some kind of a trip. Maybe there was a Congressional delegation here on official business. Or the Presidential Advance Team preparing for a visit by Bush. Hell, with all the security, I wondering if they weren’t transferring some kind of nuclear material, or gold bullion, or something. In any case, I was completely unprepared for the answer I got.
The whole assembly, of buses, trucks, vans, and countless cop cars, was coming from Boston College. It contained the Florida State football team. And associated gear, I suppose.
I thanked the cop and drove off. My passenger and I both looked at each other, and in unision, said “What the FUCK?!”
How in the world does a fucking college football team merit that level of security? I mean, closing the highway for a good ten minutes just to let them go by? A police escort? Not to mention the cost of paying all those cops to sit on their ass on the onramps. God forbid someone in a beat up old Honda get on the highway and make the fucking COLLEGE FOOTBALL TEAM 1 minute late to the fucking airport. Am I completely disconnected from the state of college sports or something? Is there really a risk of them being a blown up by a suicide bomber on the way to the airport, at 1:30 AM? Is the world really that screwed up at this point?
I can understand the need for security for a high-profile government official, or foreign dignitary, or whatever. But my god, a college football team? I still can’t believe this wasn’t some sort of bizarre joke.
Damn it, you stole my joke.