The adults in our family quit exchanging gifts years ago. We simply don’t need anything. Instead we put the money towards renting a chalet in the summer where we all spend the weekend together. The kids will probably not remember the toy they got for Christmas; they’ll never forget the day we went intertubing down the Pigeon Forge River and Grandpa got stuck on a boulder.
Here’s the great truth that your mom may be missing: More than toys, kids want attention. That includes adult kids, too.
I think your parents are behaving in an appalling fashion. If I were you, I would sit there on Christmas Day with my arms folded while everyone else opens their gifts, and without saying a word or making a fuss, make their cruel treatment as conspicuous as possible.
Hopefully, someone will think about it and give you a gift after all. If not, maybe they will be sorry enough about it so as not to do the same to you in the future.
I hate this shit. I wish this was in the pit so I could be even ruder. In my little crazy family universe it was the kids whose parental units never got their act together to actually get married that got the BIG dose of Christmas from Grandma and Grandpa. On both sides of the family tree for Og’s sake. Our kids got the little pointy end of the Christmas tree branch because, well you know, emm, well…You guys have it together and are happy and… I can’t tell you how bad I felt when said kiddie cousins commented inadvertantly to our kiddies (yeah right) about the Christmas they had and the gifts they got in the celebration before we arrived.
On to the OP. My favorite parental unit thing was when Mom told me she wasn’t giving birthday gifts this year starting with me. Ummmmm, my birthday is last in the year. She didn’t really mean it but at the time it was :smack:
BTW I really got no complaints, I already received lots of goodies from family and friends.
Actually, when I read this it sounds very Grinchy. We are a happy family, we don’t need gifts from others. Sometimes it just sucks when our families don’t see us for the trees.
So Aunt Flo give me your direction and I’ll send you a fruit cake or a pickle. 
Aunt Flow, your not a childish bitch.
Maybe your parents don’t realize how you feel. You could mention to them that you really don’t expect anything but maybe they’re forgetting that your the only one without a family and it’s not exactly fun being the one on the outside.
See, I think they should get you something if you get their kids a gift, even something small. Even if they put the kids name on the card. It’s really sorta rude that they don’t. I think they’re really being thoughtless to your feelings and you should mention it. Sometimes things go along without people thinking about it until you remind them. I’d mention it in a casual, joking way.
This thread’s an eye-opener. We were going to buy just for the grandkids this year, because money’s tight here as well. Now I’m really glad we bought for the adult kids too, all 10 of them. Even if it’s one DVD or a $20 gift card, it’s something, and let’s face it, gifts are an expression of affection, and I don’t think any of us outgrow Christmas.
AuntFlow, do your parents realize that little kids don’t care what they get, as long as they have several things to open? That’s how our grandkids are anyway, and that’s how I was. You wrap the coloring book separate from the crayons, and the doll clothes separate from the dolls. Get a Fisher-Price farm and wrap every animal!
I’ve never tried this with Legos though.
While I agree with the thing about cutting off the adults rather than the kids, the whole story reminds me of that time that I asked Mom for a gorgeous 4500pta skirt which I wanted to wear at a college function. I figured that the skirt (black velvet with cutaway “Richelieu” embroidery) was something that I could just get the right blouse and a jacket for and be set, and this would actually be cheaper than buying a fancy dress or a suit.
Mom said “no, sorry but we’re strung out, what with you three in college, but let’s go in anyway.”
She made me try on some coats, including a fake fur white one which she claimed was “great, so juvenile!” I didn’t like it at all and told her so. It was too bulky, the underarms were too tight, and being white I knew it would have lived in the
When I came out of the dressing room I was told she’d already left. I didn’t catch up with her until almost home… she was carrying the damn coat. 25000pta.
No money for a 4500pta skirt that I liked, but there was 25000pta for the coat?
Whenever Mom claims that she stopped trying to get me to dress “her” way when I was 5, I remind her of the “teddy bear coat”. I’m thinking that, like there with Mom, here there’s at least a piece of control problems… after all, if you had children, your household would get gifts, eh?
(in the dry washer… and yes, it did, I never wore it more than twice in the same year but every year it had to go to the dry washer)
This is my problem. We have two. My SIL has 4. Last year, I spent about $200 on the four of their kids and my kids received $10 gift cards for Borders and a bunch of re-gifts ( trust me, I know a regift. My SIL would never buy these kinda toys for herself (cheap cheap crap.) and we are the Salvation Army around here. Just give it to us and we’ll get rid of it for you.)
I was, to say the least, very pissed off. As I am a SAHM and they both work full time ( Lawyer who just made partner and a fully vested school teacher who don’t really pay child care either.)
This year, they are all getting the same thing. Banks from Discovery Toys. ( My kids are getting them too.)
Less is more.
Oh, all I know is that when/if I have grandchildren, I plan on asking the parents ( my kids) what would the parents and kids like and then give them a wad of money for the kids bank account.
One or two gifts from us and the rest for the future.
Like I wish the grand parents in our lives would do, but won’t , because they’d rather nickel and dime presents of craptacularness.
Wait until you have kids, Aunt Flow.
Oh, and as a caveat to my above post. The adults quit exchanging gifts altogether. The kids have a gift exchange where we draw names at Thanksgiving and buy just for that one child. Limit is $20. Then grandma gets each grandchild a gift card. She used to get one toy and clothes for each of them, but she’s not feeling well lately so she’s giving gift cards this year. Christmas doesn’t have to be a huge money exchange to be special.
Of course, all the kids are parents now. If we had one single sibling, I’m sure neither my parents nor the siblings would ignore that person. That’s just insensitive.
If it’s any consolation, your brothers are also lower on the totem pole. Being parents of the grandchildren means squat. And your poor father? Hell, he hasn’t seen the top of that pole since you and your brothers came along. He’ll NEVER make it to top again.
I don’t know what makes grandchildren so special, but they are. Maybe it’s a chance for parents to recapture their youth again, this time older and wiser and with disposable cash. Maybe it’s that babies are just so delightful, especially when you aren’t weighed down by the enormity of having to care for them 24/7. There is a bright side for you, though. The love affair won’t last forever. When your nieces and nephews morph into surly teenagers, you’ll be back on top by default! 
I’ll be happy to send you something to open on Christmas. Do you like fruit cake?
Well, they are treating you all the same, but they are treating their grandkids like individuals - not as extensions of their respective children. And they are treating children differently than adults.
A lot of grandparents didn’t really get to spend the time or money on their own kids when they were little - they had jobs, bills to pay, meals to cook for a family. Being a full time parent is hard work, and sometimes you don’t stop to enjoy it. Plus, most people’s kids come when they are pretty broke.
When grandkids come along, you want to do all those things you missed doing for your own kids because time/money/energy was so tight. You have more of all the above because generally your own kids aren’t home. So you spoil them. Until money gets tight again (which it often does as you move into retirement). Plus, there is an instinct to protect kids from the world’s realities - keep Christmas the same because they don’t need to be burdened with financial realities - although your neices and nephews are young enough where they wouldn’t notice - and there is only a few years where they notice and don’t/shouldn’t need to comprehend “money is tight.”
I kind of agree with the OP. Sorry, I know kids always come first, and that’s fine, but I’m not necessarily sure in this case if the kids should come first to the point of omitting others. You know?
I mean, I know getting presents for kids is more “fun”, but I generally find that the adults NEED things more. Like, your 31-year-old son might need that $100 gift card to buy clothes, since money is tight for him this year and he can’t really afford to spend the cash on himself, more so than Timmy needs that deluxe Superman action figure to go along with his other 17 presents.
But maybe I’m a grinch.
I think it’s wrong to treat you this way, but it’s also wrong to make Christmas day uncomfortable for the rest of the family.
Let your parents know how you feel; don’t let the grandkids know.
Susan
I really don’t think that just because your an adult without kids you should be treated like a piece of furniture or an ATM machine and just give and get nothing in return, not even a lousy card of coffee mug.
A lot of this really depends on the financial situation of your brothers. Are they financially strapped and without the help of your parents they wouldn’t be able to put on much of a Christmas for the kids?
If they are, it’s a* little* understandable. Parents help the people that need help most.
If it’s just giving for the sake of giving, it’s a little selfish of your brothers to even let your parents do this.
My parents always spent the same amount on each of their children and families. One sister has 4 kids, I have 1, another sister has 2 and another 1. The sister with 4 kids obviously got less per person than I did or my other sister did because there was less of us, but that’s pretty fair. One Christmas one of my sisters went through a bad time financially and we all pitched in to make sure her kids had a nice Christmas and did without the usual gifts and bought extra gifts for her kids.
I wouldn’t start a big fight about it, but I know I’d mention it in some way. Not to make your parents feel bad, they seem to be doing the best they can. But to give a little wave, so people know your there. Even if they mentioned something to your brothers that it might be nice if the kids gave a little gift to Aunt Flow. We took my son to the dollar store for little gifts for everyone. That way they know that Christmas is about giving too.
Can you speak with your brothers and agree to exchange adult gifts with them since your parents are taking care of the grands? Maybe (since $ is tight) the 3 of you can chip in on a gift for your parents.
Good luck!
This is one of the reasons why we draw names in my family, both on my side and my husband’s. That way each person gets the same number of gifts, the same amount is spent on everyone, and everyone has at least one thing to open. We include the kids and adults all in the same drawing because it is fun to get the kids’ names. Granted, at this point we all still buy for our parents and they buy for us, but if that stopped we’d all still have gifts to open.
I’m on the side of the OP and I think she’s got a legitimate beef. The primary provider of gifts for the grandchildren should be their parents, not their grandparents. If the parents for whatever reason can’t buy a lot, then the grandparents should help where they can. But if money is tight for the grandparents, they shouldn’t stiff their own kids for the sake of the grandkids. And if they’re spending hundreds on each grandchild and squat for the children, that’s nuts. Cut back on each grandkid by $50 and at least give their own kids a little something.
I have to pipe in and say that Christmas is for the children. You are an adult and as an adult, I don’t think you should give this new “policy” of your folks a second thought. It is their money and they want to spend it to spoil their grandkids. Why is this wrong? I am so sorry your feelings are hurt. I really am because apparently they have purchased nice gifts for you in the past. If I only had a set amount of money to spend, I would much rather spend it on the grandkids (which I do not have yet) than my adult children. That being said, are you sure they didn’t mean the majority of the money will be spend on the grandkids and the adults would only be getting a small inexpensive token item?
I will watch my children open their presents this year knowing their will be nothing under the tree for me and I couldn’t care less. The presents are about them. The holiday is about God and the celebration of Christ’s birth.
This year my siblings and I decided not to exchange with each other and just buy for each other’s kids as well, but we talked about it with my sister who does not have kids first. In fact, I was not even going to suggest that option since it is unfair to her, but she brought it up and said she would rather just buy for the kids. But I would never have done it if she wasn’t ok with it, and my parents are still buying for us so she still gets gifts from them. So from the side of someone with a child looking at the sibling without any, I think it is unfair on your behalf and I personally am aware of that when it comes to my sister. What do your siblings think of the arrangement? If my parents cut back and I realized my sister wasn’t going to get anything I would arrange something from her from “Santa.” Of course you can’t really suggest that to your siblings, but I know I would feel bad for my sister who is about your age if she wasn’t getting anything.
I understand why you are upset, but on the other hand, your parents are free to choose how to give their gifts. It’s a tough spot to be in because you will understandably be a little sad as others open their presents but you don’t want to be seen as a whiner or materialistic at Christmas. Maybe you could suggest that you all do a special activity together, like a vacation or a meal at a nice restaurant at a later date when people have time to get a little money together? Something to look forward to.
Make sure to buy yourself something special too.