John never goes out the front door. The few times he ever leaves his house, it’s via tunnel. I starts in an upstairs linnen closet (upstairs! They NEVER look for a tunnel entrance UPSTAIRS!!!) and runs under his yard and comes up behind a garage three yards over.
He always puts on a disguise before using his tunnel. Always a different disguise too.
(Oh and Babs… ha ha!)
-Rue.
He never uses the same route when going to the bathroom.
The paranoid man also keeps jars of his nail clippings. All the jars are dated and placed into underground storage.
He doesn’t want them to make a clone of him.
He also keeps a meticulous hourly diary, filled with false information. He writes under the pen name Ricardo Elianastaso Gomez. He tells highly detailed stories of youth spent in cuba and the anguish of living under Castro. He tells stories of his parents and a lost love called Maria.
Why the hell did you decide to name him John!!! Stop talking about me!!!
He religiously reads numerous conspiracy-oriented books and magazines to get the latest skinny on what they could be up to next (he’s a big reader of Lyndon LaRouche’s publications). He meticulously stores all his reading material (and his accompanying notes) upstairs in his attic in bound binders that are identified with a secret code only he understands. In addition, just to make sure no one finds them, he puts false “Alum” labels on the front of the binders that’s also numbered with a secret code only he understands.
He only uses self-adhesive stamps.
What, lick a stamp? And leave some DNA evidence behind that could be used against him by THEM? Never!