*You were injured in a freak paper-cut accident and although you will be fine, your doctor insists you stay in the hospital for the next few days.
Your nosy neighbor/mother/priest/boss (whichever scares you the most) has insisted against your protests that they will go to your house and get you a few things to make you more comfortable during your stay. This means they will be going through your closets and drawers, kitchen cabinets and glove box without your ability to monitor them.
The minute they leave the room, you hurriedly call your trusted friend Bob (y’know, Bob) and say: "Quick! Go to my place and hide the. . . "*
I look forward to your answers!
Oooh, I’m lucky. I’m paranoid and even though I have stuff I’d prefer others not to see, nothing is ever just laying out. It’s in places that you aren’t going to find unless you are actively looking for it…and even then you probably wouldn’t find it.
For me, it would start with the vibrator that I know I left on my bedside table in plain view, and the cache of porn on my computer . . .
Oh - and the 2 bottles of wine open in my fridge if it was my mom - just because that would really offend her.
But what would end up causing her the most conniptions is the box of photos my stepmum just sent me - which are on my coffee table. Just because my mom hates my stepmum and there would be all this passive aggressive stuff going on when she returned . . .lol.
Actually if Bob was really Sally, I’d have to ask Jane to go over and hide the two dogs I’m dog sitting after I refused to dog sit Sally’s dogs since she was going away for a month, but always stays away longer. I did agree to dog sit Anne’s dogs because she was only going away for two weeks, but guess what - that’s been extended to five weeks and now Sally will be back before Anne.
Vibrator, definitely, and I’d want my computer password protected. Beyond that, there is a whole drawer full of…er…toys which should probably be locked down. The vibrator can go with this stuff.
The rest of the stuff is OK - I don’t hide things all over the house, so it would be easy.
Oh shit - the porn DVDs are on the shelf in one of the the bedroom closets. Well, that’s not where my clothes are, so i think she’ll just have to deal.
And the bills! We are paid up and all but my mom was SO Nosy she’d go through our bills, too!
Yeah, and my phone book has my half-brother’s name and phone #. Meaningless to say I don’t talk to him, Mom, when she was alive, would take it as instant proof that I loved my “real mom” (who is really no better than garbage to me) better than her.
And that doesn’t even count the fact that she’d think I spend too much. It doesn’t matter that I am not in debt in anyway; the mere fact of my possessions would prove I spent too much.
My ceiling is leaking, so the other day I called my repair dude and said it needs to be fixed. Right after I hung up, I thought, “Oh shit, I hope I don’t have anything embarrassing out.” I tried to remember if I’d picked my dirty clothes off the hallway floor. I didn’t :o
She’s that serious about wine abuse? I hope you’ve got them sealed up, at least.
I’d have to ask Bob to make sure all the computers are off, and to put some veggies in the fridge before my mom comes over. I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to find my SO’s porn. At least, I’ve never run across his collection.
