What are you paranoid about?

Whenever I use my check card at Starbucks, or a gas station, or anyplace else that offers me the option of not getting a receipt, I always insist on getting on. Why? Because if I were running the joint, I’d be very tempted to add on a five-dollar-not-paying-attention surcharge to the bill of anyone who didn’t want to bother with the receipt.

But that’s just me. What are YOU unreasonably untrusting about?

I’m not tellin’

Who said I’m paranoid?

And why were you talking about me?

I do that too, especially when I pay-at-the-pump. But, it’s more because I’m afraid of getting accused of stealing gas and not being able to show any proof that I paid.

Why?

What have you heard?

:dubious: Why do you want to know?

My lack of paranoia.

I leave my apartment door unlocked frequently. When I’m home and when I’m not. I put air in my tires at four in the morning at a very shady gas station even after noticing a suspicious car whose male occupant stared at me the whole time. I don’t keep receipts, bank statements, or paycheck stubs, and half the time I throw them away without tearing them up. I speed on the freeway. I don’t always check to make sure my change is correct. I have the same password for almost everything. I carry large amounts of cash because I’m too lazy to go to the bank. I forget to floss.

I need a healthy dose of paranoia.

OK, I AM paranoid about strange phone calls. I simply will not answer them. I cannot stand not knowing who is calling me; the idea of answering it “blind” really freaks me out. I can’t bring myself to do it. I’ll even look up the number on the internet and go, “Why would somebody in San Francisco be calling me? WHAT DO THEY WANT WITH ME??”

I think this is weird and paranoid behavior.

Bugs. Bugs in my food, bugs in my bed… I have fairly long hair and I sleep with it left loose so sometimes it tickles my neck when I’m just about to fall asleep and I wake up in a panic. It’s terrible. I check my towels when I go for a shower and check every bite of food I put into my mouth to make sure there isn’t something wriggly on it. There never has been, thankfully.

I’m paranoid about my stove. Before I leave for work I always have to come back and check, did I leave the stove on? This is dispite the fact 90% of my cooking is done on the microwave.

I’m paranoid about fire. I can’t stand it when Himself lights matches just for the hell of it. (And yet I switched to a gas stove. What can I say - I’m also crazy about my cooking.) I hate that he smokes his cigars in his room over my garage, but compromise is the stuff relationships are made of.

It was my wife, wasn’t it? She put you up to this!

I have a neighbor that will not leave the sprinkler on a timer and water when she is at home wait for it. because she knows the well will catch on fire.

For those who aren’t in the sticks, a well in underground and works with water, which is pretty nonflammable.

When she shared this with my husband and I we burst out laughing.

I’d write more about how crazy is that, but I need to keep moving or the clowns will catch me.

Fire for me too. I’m a smoker and every single butt must either be field stripped down to just the filter or be dunked in water before I’ll walk away from it at home.

Ooooh, google ad: Undo Circumsion Damage.

I wonder if I’d get a discount rate…being that I don’t have a penis.

BOT, I am a germophobe. Doctor’s offices, school, library, stores,keypads,bankpens, money, bannisters, any and all flat surfaces: ALL FILTHY AND GERM RIDDEN and WAITING TO INFECT ME!!!11111!!!
Hand sanitizer has brought a whole new level of craziness to my life.

But, me and the kidlets haven’t been sick knock wood three years.

Fine, so I made a mistake.
Can’t a fellow make amends?

Maybe I should make another mistake,
Maybe twwooo more mistakes.

That you (the rest of the world) are looking at me. That you are talking about me.
That you are laughing at me.

Getting orders wrong at work. I am compelled to check one more time, even if I could recite them from memory on demand if necessary.

People talking about me behind my back.

Those gray aliens with the big eyes. They probably talk about me behind my back too.

That’s certainly not unreasonable. At least twice in the past year someone ringing my total at a register has made an error that I wouldn’t have caught without a receipt. I’m sure it happens to everyone else, too.

Are you mocking me by saying that? I saw you laughing earlier and I know it was at my expense!

In other words, me too.

I used to (not so much anymore) get paranoid about my car. Every little bump or drop in performance was seen as evidence of a flat tire. If a specific car was driving behind me for some time, I kept a close eye on them to see if they would follow me all the way home.