The "I've Never" Game (Game in Progress)

I have never been into the voyeur thing. I will keep these picks.

You missed one NAF. Have you ever paid for sexual stimulation, including porn?

Oh, whoops. Thought I answered that one.

I will give away those toothpicks.

Sex? What the hell is that? :slight_smile:

Unless I’ve walked in on my parents doing it and suppressed the memory…

Everyone, check my sig line for the standings and to see how many statements you need to answer. Even if you don’t have any toothpicks left keep answering! Hope you are all having fun!

I have never seen people doin’ it.

Here we go…

I was in Brazil for a month last summer. Prostitution is legal there, so the whole time I kept asking my host to take us out to pick some up. We went out two nights, but they were during the week and it was way too early. Then the group that was traveling (as opposed to the group that lived there; we were there for a wedding) went to this little town called Itacaré. When we got back, we only had one night before we had to catch the plane, and I was determined to pick up some hookers.

We finally found a couple that looked quite lovely, and my American buddy and I took them into separate rooms and took care of business. We finished at about the same time, so we went back into the living area. I walked into the funniest scene, our host had put on a disco light, and was standing in the living room waiting for us in only his tighty whities. So we all looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders, and started round two. About twenty minutes later, his roommate walked in and joined us so there were four guys and two gals, and it was fucking awesome. No pun intended, pics on request.

Depravity. Sweet sweet depravity.

So my buddy had some gals that may or may not have been 21 over to his dad’s house so we could all hang out in the hot tub. Long story short, one of my buddies ends up dating one of them. Problem is that she’ll only drive the hour to Santa Fe to come see us if she brings her sister along. Problem with -that- is her sister is rather… unattractive. But, being the friend that I am, I agreed to hook up with The Sister so The Girl would keep coming to Santa Fe. Turns out she worked at Linens and Things, so while The Girl and my buddy were fooling around, she’d take me there and I’d buy rather expensive towels on the cheap.

When we got home, The Sister would clean my room for me (even found my long lost badge one time!), and then I’d close my eyes while I had sex with her, and pretend I was masturbating. I’m quite the friend.

So, anyway, there’s a party at my house one night, and my buddy asks if he can fool around in my room. Of course! So The Sister pulls me into the bathroom and says, in a faux sexy voice that I had to bite my lip not to laugh at (and I was DRUNK), “How DARE you! Now we’re going to have to fuck in here!”

Of course, being the exhibitionist/voyeur/awesome that I am, I suggested that we just go have sex right next to them. She points out that she’d be cool with it, but that her sister might freak out. Only one way to find out.

So, we go into the room, and those two are going at it. I get naked immediately, as is my M.O. The Sister -freaks- out, and leaves my room immediately. I’m trying to pull my pants back on while I’m running through the house, and I finally catch up to her in the driveway.

“Look! I’m better than this!” she asserted. “You are NOT going to use me for sex! You are NOT going to use me to clean your room! And you are NOT going to use me for my employee discount!!!”

What do I have now, like, negative infinity toothpicks?

Dude, you ran out of toothpicks ages ago.

:smiley:

I wasn’t depraved, I just wanted the novel experience of scoring a hooker.

This x2.
Though if you had said HEARD… we’d be losing picks as my roommate loved to try to see if I’d wake up to them doing it (well, loved to see if I WOULDN’T wake up is the more likely thing, but still).
But I’ll keepy keepy for now!

I wouldn’t mind seeing them. :smiley: My email is in my profile, if you want to send them.

Damn Santo!

With stories like that, you don’t need no friggin toothpicks :wink:

Make him pay for them, Santos! So we can take his toothpicks away!

You have no idea.

Shockingly enough, given my depraved heathen ways,** I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone having sex when I wasn’t a participant. **Heard? Oh, yes. Been woken up by people in the next tent and shouted suggestions? Guilty as charged. But never actually seen.

I shall not be divulging all of the details responsible for my missing toothpicks, I am after all, a gentleman* about such things.

*If by gentleman you mean tactful lesbian with class.

But there was this one time back when I couldn’t have been much older than 7 or 8 (putting this at approx 1981), at the Garberville Theater. No idea what we were seeing, but you can bet that my Mom had smuggled a Big Chunk candy bar from the grocery store in her purse.

Anywho, the movie was kinda boring for me, and I was allowed to pace quietly in the aisle without disturbing anyone. about 10 rows ahead of where my parents were sitting, in the very uncrowded theater, was a couple covered over with a shawl being worn by the woman. She was…intimately sitting… in his lap, facing him, as he sat facing the screen. There was much rhythmic bouncing and squeaking ensuing.

My parents thought it was hilarious.

Sounds to me you’d love the depraved debauchery that is Reykjavik by Night :wink:

But I’ll be damned that I can’t find any intriguing articles online .(

I’ll go ahead and post my question now, I suppose. This is a good ‘getting to know you’ question.

ahem

I have never been involved in oral sex while either of us was operating a vehicle

To clarify with an example, Mr A has receiving head from Ms B while he is driving. Both Mr A and Ms B would fork over toothpicks for this. But of course, it is both gender and preference neutral, so as not to bias gay vs straight or male vs female.

This wasn’t the best one I could think of for toothpick collection but damn I am eager to see the results.

(Just an aside, my mum walked in while I was typing this. I managed to distract her, though. But then dad came in, wanting to use the computer :smack:)