The king is coming for dinner; how do you impress him?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

You need to feed him things he never even imagined and cannot figure out. Some Tupperware filled with Jelly Bellys. Anything chocolate, I suggest Oreos in a cellophane wrapper. Some cans of Pringles. Pepsi in a plastic bottle. “Sacre Bleu - this glass bends before my eyes! And what wondrous elixir doth it hold?”

Remember that Russian family that hid in the woods during WWII and were not found until 50 years later? Satellites didn’t faze them, they had seen them overhead. They took TV in stride. But they were astonished by cellophane wrappers - “Look, it is glass and yet it crumbles” said the old man.

22

Do something creative with oranges. Oranges were his favorite fruit, and orange-blossom was his favorite scent. His orangery was his pride and joy. One visitor to Versailles remarked, “He is truly a great king, to build such a grand palace for his orange trees.”

You want to impress him? Call the grocery store and order a couple of crates of oranges. In his day, they were an extravagantly expensive luxury item.

23

KFC on sanitized dishes.

24

The greatest French chef, Escoffier, was famous for his complicated feasts. His idea of the perfect beverage to wash it down? Sugar water. I’m presuming sugar was a fairly new import. But although things like chicken dishes had been mastered, he would have had a lot to learn about various spices, world cuisine or flavoured drinks.

I’m pretty sure that in some ways everyone on this board eats better than most kings did.

(channeling Mitch Hedburg:)
I’d probably take him to Red Lobster. But afterwards I’d let him take a nap in my king size bed. “You won’t believe this sire. This bed is made to your exact specifications.”

As a going away gift, a rack of incredibly rare and costly spices and a case of RC.

25

Start with a Bloody Mary, then Eggs Benedict with andouille sausage and a fruit kabob

26

Escoffier lived in the 19th century, right? Sugar was used in Europe from medieval times, widely used by the 16th and 17th century, relatively inexpensive by the 18th century.

Seems to me a lot of people drink flavored and carbonated sugar water with their meals today. :slightly_smiling_face:

27

Unless I’m off on my timeline, pineapples were a high-class status symbol about this time.

So I’d have a lot of pineapples- pineapple juice, pineapple chunks, pineapple upside-down cake. Maybe some sort of pineapple drink- pina coladas?

28

They do. I forget exactly when he lived. But if plain sugar water knocked Escoffier’s socks off, wait ‘til he gets a load of Moxie - the best selling soda of the 19th century. (Bleah. My brother likes it.)

29

Having looked again at the menu in that link, I think the only thing I’d be able to impress him with would be that I’d figure I was entitled to sit down at the table with him.

And that would be a highly negative impression.

– I’m sure he could afford as much sweet stuff as he felt like eating; and I doubt he’d be impressed by large amounts of things he thought expensive. That was what he was used to, the meals were intended to be impressive by including lots of expensive stuff.

And he might not like modern fast food at all. It’s actually rather an acquired taste – to me almost all of what I’ve had of it just tastes like too much salt and/or sugar, sometimes mixed with too much grease. The supposed main ingredients usually have little to no flavor of their own.

Maybe excellent food from some cuisine he might actually not have been much exposed to? Would he ever have had, say, Thai food? But again, on first tasting it he might not like it, if so.

30

We’re going to have a hard time finding a food that Louis hasn’t been exposed to in some form. The food will have to stand out because of its modern quality/quantity. I think a pile of pineapples is a good idea. Fresh offshore fish would have to be a novelty; I can conceive of a way that Louis had (relatively) fresh tuna but it would take a lot of work in 1700 and it wouldn’t compare favorably with today’s flash-frozen fish. Any food that is improved by modern freezing would be better than anything the king knew.

31

And while I’m sure Louis ate well, older kings relied on salt and spices to make bad meat more palatable.

I would guess the average Westener eats better food today than at almost any time in human history. At least, they have the income and ability to do so. I will allow mass farming methods have sometimes sacrificed taste for profits, but salt, sugar and fat are delicious.

32

It’s also possible Escoffier made his own sugar. This actually sounds very tasty.

33

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34

If you mean the average person in a reasonably wealthy country today eats better than the average person at most or maybe any time in human history, I think you’re probably right. But I very much doubt that the average person today eats better than Louis XIV ate.

35

Okay. Off the top of my head:
Twinkies, Snowballs (or whatever is available), a cheesecake, three fruit pie, oreos, wafer cookies, short bread, Lindt chocolate truffles, Dove chocolates, sherbet, 3 flavors of gourmet ice cream;

Kiwi fruit, pineapple, 3 types of apples, apricots, nectarines, figs;

Two flavors of Pringles, 2 flavors of kettle chips, two flavors of bagged popcorn, 2 flavors of Doritos, rye crisps, water wafers;

Pistachios, Beer Nuts, cashews, macademia nuts,mixed nuts;

About 12 vegetables or desserts from the store’s deli, plus 3 kinds of BBQ, steamed shrimp, thick sliced pastrami and 4 other deli meats, a rotisserie chicken, fried chicken, steamed salmon, baked beans;

And then onto the liquor aisle, the cheese section, frozen foods, etc., etc.
And 100 large ziplock freezer bags for left overs.

36

You’re right. But they might eat better than some of the older kings, some of whom added salt and spice to hide the flavour of unrefrigerated meat. Moderns certainly could eat healthier too.

And modern food is engineered to appeal to the palate in a way most natural foods cannot. I have a recipe for Cheetos but it seems like a lot of trouble.

37

I would impress him with microwave popcorn and hotpockets and piles and piles of spices on the table.

38

This is a myth. Please don’t keep repeating it.

39

I’m sure it applied by times. But thinking about it, no reason a king couldn’t get fresh meat in good times or use salted meat in bad ones.

40

It never applied.

a) The fact is, spices don’t hide the taste or smell of bad meat, or preserve it, or make it less unhealthy.

b) Spices were far more expensive than fresh meat. Anybody who could afford spices could afford fresh meat, and conversely anybody who couldn’t afford fresh meat couldn’t afford spices either.

c) There is no mention of this anywhere in medieval literature or cookbooks.

If you want to make that claim, you need to find some reputable cites, but I don’t think you’ll find any.