Don’t read these if you are easily offended.
There was a young lady named Hall,
Wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught on fire,
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section, and all.
A do-it-yourselfer named Alice
Used a dynamite stick for a phallus.
They found her vagina in South Carolina
and part of her anus in Dallas.
There was a young lady of Norway,
Who hung by her toes In a doorway.
She said to her beau,
Just look at me, Joe;
I think I’ve discovered one more way.
A damsel, seductive and handsome,
Got wedged In a sleeping room transom.
When she offered much gold,
For release, she was told,
That the view was worth more than the ransom.
On a maiden a man once begat,
Cute triplets named Nat, Pat, and Tat.
Two’s fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
She hadn’t a spare tit for Tat.
A comely young widow named Ransom,
Was ravished three times in a hansom.
When she cried out for more,
A voice from the floor,
Said, Lady I’m Simpson, not Samson.
There was a young girl of Penzance,
Who decided to take just one chance.
So she let herself go,
In the arms of her beau,
Now all of her sisters are aunts.
There was a young student named Jones,
Who’d reduce any maiden to moans.
By his wonderful knowledge,
Acquired in college,
Of nineteen erogenous zones.
A gentle old lady I knew,
Was dozing one day in her pew.
When the preacher yelled Sin!
She said, Count me in!
And as soon as the service Is through!
-stolen from various authors
A weisenheimer doper named Tom,
Wrote jokes but, alas, they all bombed.
So he switched his genre’,
In an interesting way
Now he just sits and spins on his thumb.
