Very clever 
They should hire you to make catchphrases for movies, for real.
But, but, if the drug reps are destroyed, I’ll have to either start marking my pens with Vetwrap or resign myself to having them stolen. 
Actually, even if I marked them, they’d probably still be carried off. :mad: As it stands now, my pens are sometimes carried off, but I can quickly and easily retrieve them. “Dr. X, when was the last time a VFend rep was through this clinic? Do you even know what VFend is? No? Neither do I. However, you know and I know that you have made off with my pen. Hand it over, or I’m calling you every forty minutes all night to tell your patient just burped. Yes, I know my shift ends at two, but I’m willing to stay late, just for you. And you’d better be planning to return those Vioxx scissors that are in your pocket.”
Oy, that pager. When he’s post-call, I’d love to be able to pound that thing with a hammer so he could have a little peace and quiet. It doesn’t matter what day it is, the first hour or so that he’s home, it’s gonna go off at least three times. And when he’s been on overnight call, it will go off at least twice after that first hour is over, usually right after he’s passed out and again right after he’s fallen back to sleep after dealing with the first page. I have to wonder how time-consuming it could possibly be to check and see who’s on call before paging the wrong doctor multiple times. I realize that it will generally take longer than the twenty seconds it takes us, but jeez.
And still the line grows!
To the outpatient doc who reamed both my intern and my attending for having the temerity to send her patient home after a six week stay and a week of setting up home care services, instead of, I guess, just keeping him in the hospital from now on…here’s a line pass. Should get you up near the front.
To the two patients who, in separate instances, referred to various African-American staff members as “niggers”…the dry cleaners called–your sheets are ready to pick up. Meanwhile, get the fuck in line.
To the patient who swears that his positive urine test for cocaine was caused by standing too near someone else who was smoking a pipe…smoke all the crack you want, as far as I’m concerned, just don’t blow the smoke up my ass, OK? You’re not even the first person to use the old second-hand-crack-smoke excuse this month. You tire me. Back of the line.
One day, seventeen hours, and fifty-nine minutes until I am through as a supervising resident on the general medicine service…but who’s counting?