The long walk to the toilet

The BBQ Pit
1

So I work in a building that must have been designed by camels.

The floor plan is kind of shaped like a capital H, with a really loooong horizontal crossbar. I work in the bottom of one of the vertical lines in the H, and the bathrooms are in the centre of the crossbar, about a six hour walk away.

I may be overestimating the time. It’s just that every time I walk it I really have to pee, since it’s such a pain in the ass to go that I tend to hold it in until it’s really necessary. Every trip is quite a large segment of time and the hallway is so boring, and there’s no one interesting to talk to in it, so I spend most of my day at work either (a) walking to/from the bathroom, (b) crossing my legs and thinking about walking to the bathroom, or © re-activating my computer and checking my messages after having walked to and from the bathroom.

Plus the air is so dry in here that I drink loads of water so I have to pee a lot.

Worse, the executive washroom is less then ten paces away but I’m below the bottom rung in the office hierarchy, and I already use it to change my clothes in the morning, so I’m not going to push my luck.

I should change my voice mail message to “She’s making the trek to the washroom now, she’ll be right back.”

Gotta go … you’ll never guess where ! See you in an hour …

2

So how long have you worked at the National Security Agency?

3

Executive washroom? There’s really a toilet that’s only for “executives?” I thought that sort of thing went out with steno pools.

4

Well, it’s in the office of the executive assistant to two Big Important Government Employees, and since the only thing that keeps this bureaucracy moving is hierarchy, we are obliged to respect that.

At least, I assume. I’ve never asked, but no one else uses it …

Also,

If I told you I’d have to kill you.

5

Is that an oxymoron?

6

I say use the one near you. If anyone calls you on it say it’s all part of the the new policy on…ergonomics, or something–didn’t they get the memo? Say you’ve got Bladder Sensitivity Syndrome (that’s B, double S), and you’re under doctor’s orders.

7

Yep, everyone in this office is a moron, oxy or otherwise.

I’d really love to use the executive washroom. But I am terrified of the stir that that would raise. We’re talking about an environment where, if a Policy Advisor (a.k.a. Big Important Gvt Employee) leaves, everyone peers into his/her office and gossips in hushed tones about who is going to be hired, who will move into the office, which cube-dweller is not permitted to use the office in the mean time because their rank isn’t high enough, who has heard what rumours about who is being considered for the office, and so on. I have been told NEVER to enter certain parts of the building because it is just not done. I just spoke to the assistant Head of This Department (who also makes the long walk and doesn’t use the executive washroom) and if my supervisor finds out she’ll shit herself because I shouldn’t be talking to those people because I may embarrass her.

It’s not the biggest public service (I mean “bureaucracy”) in North America for nothing, ya’ know.

8

I think the Executive Washroom is just begging for a big smelly one.

9

I thought all chicks went to the WC in pairs, threes, or more. You mean you can really go by yourself? I think you’ve just broken a Sista Rule[sup]TM[/sup] and you’re the one who’s going to have to be killed now …

Why not find a “pee partner” – at least you’d have someone to talk to along the way …

10

Spiff you obviously haven’t met the OxyMoron women I work with. I spend much of the day hiding from them, I’m not going to seek them out to walk down the hall with !

Plus, I’m an antisocial bitch.

Lieu - great idea ! … I’ll be right back …