After dinner, I like to go out on my porch and smoke. This happens about the same time every day. While recreating, I fuss with my plants.
I get offended when grasshoppers are on my porch, eating my plants, so I wack them.
One day, I was cleaning up a still twitching body and noticed that a spider had made a funnel web between the porch and the house. I like spiders, and was bored, so dropped the grasshopper on the web and then found a slender twig and twitched strands of web. Nothing happened right away, so I went off to do other things. Half an hour or so later, I looked at the web again and saw that the grasshopper was webbed. Cool.
I kept dropping grasshoppers in the web and learned that spiders are slobs. She would drag the grasshopper deeper into the tunnel, between the floating deck and the house, suck the juice out of it and toss the body out on the deck a day later.
As time passed, I also noticed that I could see her peeking out of her tunnel when I was getting close to the web. She would scamper out as soon as I dropped the body, bite it, spin around it for a minute and then start dragging it home.
As time passed and the boredom intensified, I started smoking during the day. This meant that spider got fed several times a day. She learned the difference between hubs and I, probably by the vibrations on the wood, and never bothered to climb her tunnel when she heard him.
Its possible that she’s fat, but I think that she was sharing some grasshopper blood with a friend and has ended up preggy.
I’m also wondering if she is going to send her babies out into the world or if I am going to be posting about feeding a thousand spiders next year.