The Man Stole my Laptop

The BBQ Pit
1

And it’s a real fuckin’ pretty laptop, too. Powerbook G-motherfuckin’-3 dual-bootin’ Linux and MacOS.

See, we have this “policy” here, that if you leave your laptop on your desk unsecured, the security people steal it from you and leave you a note to teach you a lesson. You then must bribe them with twenty fuckin’ dollars (alledgedly, these bribes go to the “party fund.”) to get it back.

Now, this is why we have these nifty-as-shiznit “locks” attached to our desks for our laptops. You stick the end of the lock in a hole that’s built into the cases of most laptops, turn it, push the thingie in, and your laptop is attached to a thick cable that’s screwed onto your desk.

Now, if someone really wants to swipe your laptop, the cable ain’t gonna stop them, but it will dissuade Joe Schmoe the Fedex Man or Bob Blob Pizza Man from swiping the thing.

All well and good. So obviously I forgot to lock my laptop to the desk, right? Wrong, you motherfuckin’ laptop-swiping sons of whores! It’s been locked there all fuckin’ week! I don’t even take the key with me, so it’s impossible for me to unlock it! The only way you could have taken it is to unlock it yourself, putz! What, were you low on your laptop quota for the week, assmunch?

And this ain’t even the lousy POS shitty laptop that won’t run XFree86 properly, this is my own laptop that I bought with my own money before I even worked here.

I know this is a nefarious plot against me. I sure as hell didn’t leave my laptop unsecured.

I hope the security department’s health insurance will cover the gaping wounds in their heads that will result from my banging my 'book on their empty skulls several times over.

Fuckers.

Steal my laptop. Sheesh.

2

I just went to stake my claim, and the nice tech lady gave me back my $20 when I explained to her that it was my own laptop, and not a company one.

I’m still pissed off that the motherfuckers stole it, though.

They had the nerve to leave the power adapter on my desk, which means the battery drained, and we all know much fun it is to boot a Linux machine when it hasn’t been properly shut down.

Bastards.

3

Is it your personal laptop, or is it the company’s laptop (and you use it). If it’s yours… that’s theft. They have no right to come around and take it, even if you do leave it unsecured on your desk. Of course, if it’s the company’s, ignore what I just said.

Zev Steinhardt

4

It’s my laptop, and yes, it’s theft. So what am I gonna do? Sue my employer for the $20 they gave back already? Nah. I don’t blame the security guard for not knowing the difference between a Powerbook and a cheesy company laptop (mine is currently gathering dust on my bedroom floor.) though I do blame him for stealing it when it was locked.

Else I blame the lock manufacturer for making such a shitty lock.

Anyway, I’m going to out a big Post-It on my screen that says, “THIS IS NOT A COMPANY LAPTOP. PLEASE DON’T STEAL IT. GO STEAL BRIAN’S LAPTOP INSTEAD”

With an arrow pointing to Brian’s cubicle, because he had the nerve to put obnoxious comments in my code.

5

cough

cough

6

Ricola, Necros? What are you coughing about?

7

He’s coughing over the fact that I didn’t pick up a fact in the OP and asked a question about it.

Zev Steinhardt

8

Oh.

9

There have been a number of embarrassing and in some cases very serious breaches of security in the UK when government employees have left laptops in taxis and takeaways and in one very serious case on the back seat of a parked car which was broken into - there was a document on that last one detailing a police operation with copies of statements and a list of informants.

I can see how a company could get paranoid, not just about the value of the laptop itself but for its contents.

It is not unknown for journalists to come into possession of laptops that were stolen from offices, and then all kinds of things end up in the news.

Feido I understand it is your laptop but its the contents that might potentially pose the biggest risk and I suppose your average security man hasn’t got time or maybe ability to assess it.

10

I’m still missing something here. The way I understood it, Friedo can leave his laptop on his desk for as long and as ostentatiously as he likes, as long as it’s locked down. It sounded like security confiscated it, after unlocking it. :confused: If the rule is, lock it down, and Friedo locked it down, how was he posing a security risk?

11

Hmm let me see,

Well I am not familiar with the laptop concerned but I believe that many laptops have removable hard drives.

I’m surprised to some extent that folk can leave their laptops in full view and unattended, even if locked.

Maybe I’m too security minded but working in a prison you shouldn’t be too surprised at that.

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** Devil’s Advocate Hat ON** Well, it may or may not be theft. I’d suggest you peruse the company’s guidelines, handbook, leaflet whatever that pertains to personal property on employee premises.

I read what you said carefully, they gave you a pissdink dinosaur and you chose to leave that at home ( what happens when your apartment burns down and you’ve toasted their pissdink?). You chose to bring your own personal property- and an expensive item at that-into a workplace.

It’s impossible as far as I know to know WHEN a lock was opened or closed on those things, my laptop has a simple slot for a cable lock. Is that what you refer to? If one could get high-tech, the laptop would be seriously passworded, etc, and the lock itself would be electronic and would record time of engagement. Then it would be easy to pinpoint WHO unlocked your laptop and confiscated it.[/ Devil’s Advocate]

If that’s the policy then clearly your employers have been burned before. While they may be grateful that you are using a state-of-the-art PowerBook to do your job, therefore increasing your productivity and making you look cooler to the PC laptop babes ( :stuck_out_tongue: ), they may be unwilling to see a difference, just because it’s YOUR PROPERTY. You’re using it in their building.

I’d be livid, but I’d also not consider it a theft. Now, if the security guy cloned your fucking HD and is now in a position to do some grave harm to you or the company, then yeah I’d go after that security guard by calling the Po Leece. Otherwise? Get with the head of security, and your immediate supervisor, AND the head of H.R. Tell them what happened, let them know that as a FAVOR you won’t consider it a theft, and that you need to have it noted that you use your personal device to further THEIR profits and it should be accorded the same secure status and respect as their own pissdinks.

Or, stop using your PowerBook at work? I mean, what- they expect you to remove the HD every time you go to take a pee???

Cartooniverse

13

Well, there was a time when Preview was my friend. Sadly, those days are past. :rolleyes:

Sorry.

14

Not to worry, Cartoony, Powerbooks ain’t got (easily) removable HDs. Anyway, yeah, the cable lock things you’ve seen are what we have here. And I agree they are kinda dinky. I could see how after a week it could come loose.

Anyhoo, the pissdink Dell laptop they gave me is currently sitting on my bedroom floor gathering dust. I think I might use it to test my mp3 client/server software I’m developing in my spare time. (Perl is your friend.)

So, I think I’ll just end up lugging my PBook home with me every day like I had been doing before I got the good idea to use the lock. You just can’t get by The Man, ya know?

15

I will settle this once and for all.

I DID.

Now, can we please stop bitching and moaning about this, friedo? Can we get back to the important things, like Survivor and the Weakest Link, and, oh yeah, Rock ‘n’ Roll Jeapardy?

Thank you.

Sincerely, particlewill
Laptop Thief Extraordinaire

16

Well, that’s good to know. Now I’m gonna get your ass fired. :smiley: