The Most Bizzare Conspiracy Theory Ever (funny)

[CJJ]

In my daily review of the kookier political websites, I came across this truly amazing conspiracy theory linking the government’s recently-asserted right to drone strikes on US citizens, Obama’s push for gun control, and the TSA (yes, really):

A grim Federal Security Forces (FSB) “urgent action” memorandum prepared for President Putin is warning that United States President Barack Obama has ordered at least 800 highly trained “death squad” units to disperse throughout his country in preparation for what Russian intelligence analysts are predicting to be a series of high-profile killings of dissident Americans set to begin as soon as February 22nd.

According to this memo, Obama was emboldened to implement this murderous plan against his own citizens after this past weeks US Federal Court ruling granted his regime the right to kill, without trial or charges, any American he so chooses, and keep the reason(s) for doing so secret.
<…>
The excuse to be used by the Obama regime in order to begin their targeted killings of American dissidents, FSB analysts say, is that these otherwise lawful citizens were not complying with the new gun control laws Vice President Joseph Biden “guaranteed” Boston Mayor Thomas Menino would be enacted by the end of January.
<…>
The “death squads” being deployed throughout the United States under Obama’s orders, this memo continues, are frighteningly called VIPER teams, which is the acronym for Visible Intermodal Prevention and Response Team, a programme run by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) and whose agents terrify millions of Americans with Nazi-like Gestapo tactics on a daily basis at airports and who report to the Department of Homeland Security (DHS).

OK, this is Liberty.com, and even though they’re one of the loonier Tea Party sites out there, even they acknowledge the story is “uncofirmed” and unsourced. My guess is they’ve fallen for a deliberate hoax here rather than just made it up out of whole cloth.

[Marley23]

I thought you were going to link to this guy, a real nutter who pastes his screeds to buildings around New York City. If you’re bored with conspiracy theories that are full of rumors about secret deals in smoky back rooms, you can rejoice: this guy says he personally witnessed the National Security Agency arranging the September 11th attacks.

[Larry_Borgia]

@Marley23

I thought you were going to link to this guy, a real nutter who pastes his screeds to buildings around New York City. If you’re bored with conspiracy theories that are full of rumors about secret deals in smoky back rooms, you can rejoice: this guy says he personally witnessed the National Security Agency arranging the September 11th attacks.

Paranoid Schizophrenics really get a lot of mileage out of the internet.

[Mr.Miskatonic]

@Larry_Borgia

Paranoid Schizophrenics really get a lot of mileage out of the internet.

They used to just be on shortwave radio.

[billfish678]

I’m just glad its VIPER teams. I’d sure as shit be embarrassed to be taken out by Fluffly Bunny Team Six.

[tonyfop]

The way I read it, it sounds like internal Russian propaganda nutters talking about how EEEEVVVIILLLL the American President is. The article even mentions needing Russian translators to track down the original source. And it kinda makes sense. The Evil Imperialist American President is killing people in his country that dissent. Isn’t that what we said about Stalin/Hitler/Hussein/name your dictator? For people who live in a country where purges happened routinely, this sounds like a straight up news story.

[Senegoid]

Maybe they saw it first in The Onion?

[VinylTurnip]

@Larry_Borgia

Paranoid Schizophrenics really get a lot of mileage out of the internet.

I like how his webpage includes an instruction to “TURN OVER.”

Guess you have to print it out first, or swivel the monitor around backwards.

[Flyer]

I thought at first that the OP had stumbled upon http://www.whatdoesitmean.com/
Now THAT is a bizarre website.

[CJJ]

@Flyer

I thought at first that the OP had stumbled upon http://www.whatdoesitmean.com/
Now THAT is a bizarre website.

Thank you so much for that link; this will keep me entertained for weeks.

In rummaging around there I came across this “story” which Liberty.com appears to be directly quoting. So my theory that they fell for a hoax seems correct.

[Jackmannii]

@CJJ

Thank you so much for that link; this will keep me entertained for weeks.

This one should keep you busy for the rest of your life.

And while it’s highly likely this website had some doozies of conspiracy theories, it wasn’t worth risking the mother of all migraines to find them.

[Sailboat]

a programme

spelling characteristic of British (or Commonwealth) English, I note.

run by the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) and whose agents terrify millions of Americans with Nazi-like Gestapo tactics on a daily basis

Uh…Gestapo tactics aren’t Nazi-like, they’re full-blooded Nazi, Original Flavor.

[Clothahump]

@Jackmannii

This one should keep you busy for the rest of your life.

From that site:

Educate-Yourself.org is a free educational forum dedicated to the dissemination of accurate information in the use of natural, non-pharmaceutical medicines and alternative healing therapies in the treatment of disease conditions. Free Energy, Earth Changes, and the growing reality of Big Brother are also explored since survival itself in the very near future may well depend on self acquired skills to face the growing threats of bioterrorism, emerging diseases, and the continuing abridgement of constitutional liberties. It is strongly recommended that visitors to this web site print out hard copies of the information that is of interest. Do not assume that your hard drive, this web site, or even the Internet itself will always be there to serve you…Ken Adachi, Editor

I laughed out loud at work when I read that. That site looks like it’s gonna bring the funny by the truckload. Thanks for the link!

[conway]

Hmmm…Viper teams…

[Jackmannii]

@Clothahump

That site looks like it’s gonna bring the funny by the truckload. Thanks for the link!

You’re welcome. And don’t miss whale.to for more fabulous entertainment*, including one of my favorites - the Global Vaccine Depopulation Genocide Conspiracy.

*this site is especially useful in that you can find out whether someone has arrived as a Flaming Loon, by whether they have their own whale.to page.