There is a guy called “Mike_Passion” who has posted a little on the IMDB forums (which are vastly undermoderated and pretty lousy all around.) I don’t know what the deal is with this guy, whether he is actually crazy, or some kind of demented English major, or trying to hone the style for some kind of character or what…but he has written some really outrageous stuff. He has this bizarre thing where he makes up MAD-magazine-style variations of celebrities’ names. Maybe it’s just my sense of humor, but the stuff he writes has just been cracking me up:
Regarding attractive older men:
t’s very good, actually. As a Youngman, I admired Roger Moore, Sean Stingray, H. Ford, and H.G. Pellagra, among others. Moore was a sexy old-timer; a debonair fossil who got in the sack with women who were young enough to be his granddaughters. His hair was good as well; the right blend between cobwebs and strange. The same goes for Connery. This guy had impeccable pitch-black eyebrows and wonderful hairpieces that really made the girls scream. Again, women view this man as a senior symbol of sex, despite the fact that he’s well into his 80’s now. And as for H. Forge, well, the results speak for themselves. Now in my senior years, I’ve been getting more action than ever. Now that I’m more bloated and less attractive than before, the girls really love it. My hair is two pieces and I smell like shaving crème and Wrigley spearmint like Sean Courage and Ford. In fact, I put on my eyebrows with spirit gum, much like S. Connery does. As a shouth, the girls never cared. However, now that I smell like mothballs and am 76, the girls go wild. Since my looks flew south like Vigo Rigormortensen‘s, I’ve been covered in boils. So in these regards, your preference towards elderly chaps is quite good, really.
About Vincent Gallo:
Vince has said: “When I cruse the homosexual underground of NY, I put on my cap, cowl, and chaps. I swing by the shopes, the disco techs, and everything. These men find me attractive, you know? My stwart checks, trans-blue eyes; its all very appealing to the gays and the admiration is admonished to me.” So as a teen, Vince was a club kid who would hustle and turn tricks with the rest of his crew like Mitchell Biscuit, Vin Sega, and Marshall Mesquite. So in these respects, Vincent badmouths everyone just to gain notoriety, popularity, and finality.
On Sylvester Stallone:
Personally, I don’t know if Scallop is up for the challenge. He looks horrific and beaten. His muscles however, are dowel, scalloped and allotted with hordes of veins, hives, and humps. Have any of you noticed the exploded vain structure and cluster of blown nerves near his upper pect, and arm? It’s disgusting. Stalloid’s face, is increasingly old and hewn. It’s muscles of it’s chest are beaten to a plop and smeared like a mongoloid‘s. Ganglion’s Stetson looks too big in this one, too. His wardrobe is completely wrong with the absents of the frigate leather cap and pants. I hope Sylvester Cyclone didn’t write another horrific cript like Rocky 5. That was by far, the worst chapter in Rocky Barbuda’s life of achievement.
On Angus Scrimm:
For those who have seen him in person know that he’s a simpering old devil with a Madigan complex and a man who uses phony kinetics that lacks confidence. Upon the brats of his suite, Scram boar the unique tarantula pin as he did during the sixties as Rory Guy and the Tall Men. So that, I found to be quite awesome. After the spitch, we were allowed to approach Scrim, shake his hand, and receive his autogram. So, when Scrim extended his hand, I immediately noticed the sap and tone of the thing. I was his hand, blue and gnarled; purulent like scrambled milk and mottled, spoilt haddock. He also smelt unquiet; like a gaggle of mothballs. Like a beastly form clots, I ignored the shobe.
Most of you will probably be unamused by this writing but I can’t stop laughing at it. It just astounds me that someone would put this much effort into writing nonsense.
