I’ll second SilkyThreat on the kidney stones. I have passed a couple that didn’t involve going to the hospital but the all-time most painful one did involve a hospital visit. The kidney stone was 1-cm in diameter and there was no way that thing was going to go through the ureter which is about the size of a strand of spaghetti. So the ureter was totally blocked. But to make sure that was the situation, they made me go through an IVP which added a dye to see where the blockage was. Which also added more fluid to the system, which added more pressure to the stone. And they wouldn’t give me any pain relievers until they decided what they were going to do. Even later, after they gave me morphine, it still didn’t kill the pain, just made me stop caring about it. Then they inserted a stent to push the stone out of the way until they could do lithotripsy, which had just come out at that time. So I was on a waiting list for 3 months, which is well past the time that a stent is supposed to be left in. And it didn’t feel too good coming out either! (ouch)
The best way that I can describe kidney stone pain is like having a piece of barbed wire in yourself, and every now and then, someone comes along and yanks on it. Or pulls it slowly, millimeter by millimeter, for an hour or so, until you feel like you are going to pass out, but you don’t.
I’ve had an abcessed tooth and could stand the pain with extra strength doses of ibuprofen. I can’t say that I’ve had third degree burns, although I’ve had numerous second-degree burns. (It might have been a third-degree burn once when I put one joint of a finger across 460 volts and blew a hole in one side of the finger and out the other, but it was over a very small area, and didn’t hurt that much.)
I’ve had a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) which didn’t hurt, just felt really weird. I had a tooth extraction that might have been as intense as the kidney stones, but was for a much shorter duration.
But I would have to say that the greatest pain was the kidney stones.
The results of my last seizure (Aug. 5), which was a bruised head, a huge headache that lasted for a few days, a bitten, swollen, bruised tongue (which I couldn’t use for a couple weeks), the resulting canker sores (many of which were open sores after my tongue healed. My jaw hurt for two weeks.), leg cramps(the kind like what crusoe said) constantly for a week, the back and neckaches that are still lingering, oh, and the multiple scratches I gave myself (knuckles, forehead, knee). The lucky thing was that I didn’t fall out of bed. Then I would’ve had to go to the hospital (my bed is tall and my nightstand drawer was open).
I can’t imagine anything that could even come close to a severe burn. I once fell and landed on my hand on the header pipe of a running motorcycle. Not quite 3rd degree - badly blistered but not broken skin - so I didn’t go to the hospital - but still…
I’ve road-rashed myself from ankle to hip plus had the skin on my elbow chewed down to the bone coming off my bike. I’ve been hit in the head by an aluminium softball bat (teacher: “How many fingers am I holding up?” Me: “Quarter past two.” Teacher: “I think you’re concussed.” Me: “Fine, thanks for asking.”) Dislocated an ankle, and had tib and fib fractures necessitating eight pins and a plate (skydiving accident). But I’m not going to argue with Scylla on the burns; a good burn is the gift that keeps on giving.
I do have to ask, though:
Were the “kicked in the groin” and the “looked at with distaste by Claudia Schiffer” related at all?
Ooh yeah, and as you’re running to the toilet you can hear your poor little anus wimpering at the royal thrashing it’s about to receive. Those are bad real bad but I think what I’ll say next was worse.
But my vote was for when I ripped my big toe nail practically clean off. Now I have very strong toenails and I picked up this suitcase in sandals, it caught my big toenail and lifted it straight up. Holy cow it felt like someone had ripped all the nerves out of my body through my toe in one fell swoop. I really had to sit down to keep from passing out from the pain. No shoes for weeks after that. Took me a week before I could handle the pain of clipping the nail down to the base. triple shudder
And I have a very high pain threshold too. I got a splinter that was 1.5cm by 2cm and 1mm thick jambed under my left middle finger nail last week and it hurt like hell but it just made me cuss a lot as I looked for the tweezers.
Actually there were other ones that were probably more painful but luckily the thing that casued the pain also knocked me out such as running into tree, hitting self in head (accidentily) with the hooks of a prybar. Word of warning when pulling nails push away, don’t pull but I was 5 and didn’t know any better.
As I’ve never had a kidney stone, I’ll vote for the ripping toenails. When I was 10, I was kneeling in the bathtub in order to open the drain when my foot slipped. We had those little fish decals on the bottom of the tub so people wouldn’t slip in the shower; my big toenail caught the edge of the decal and ripped my nail loose from my toe down to the quick. I lay in the empty tub, shivering and in shock from the pain for a good hour. I cried for days, then everytime I tried to do something crazy like walk around.
That thing hurt for a year and a half, until the nail grew all the way out, probably because the edges remained attached. I kept the actual nail, but the flesh underneath it wasn’t exposed to air to toughen it up. It was also badly infected for most of this time. Pus continually leaked out from under the nail.
Stephen King always manages to insert, in every frigging book, a scene wherein a character (usually a woman) splinters a fingernail down to the quick. It bleeds, and she stares at it dumbly and maybe sucks on it, but she never gets the screaming heebie-jeebies this excrutiating event would entail.
johnboy:
Bad news. You’re talking about kidney stones, not gallstones. Also, cranberry juice won’t prevent them, though the juice may reduce your risk of UTI’s.
Oh, God, me, too. Except I usually drink near-beer instead. Flushes me out faster than just water! Cystex is my friend. If you haven’t tried it, do! It’s not just an analgesic, like AZ Standard, it’s got an antibacterial agent, too. If I start taking it with the FIRST twinge of pain, plus forcing water, cranberry, near-beer, etc, then sometimes I don’t get so bad.
Various orthodontic stuff – getting one’s braces tightened, headgear, and of course the constant gum infections. (My orthodontist was a complete incompetent, which probably has something to do with it.)
how about a tattoo in one of “those” places? I have one on my shoulder that hits the collar bone in a couple places and that was not only painful but disturbing. I could feel the pressure of the needle on my collar bone but the pain was registering halfway up my neck.
something tells me it aint even close to pissing pebbles though, I have had a few nasty burns and the tat was worse although for a much shorter duration.
I’ve given birth three times without benefit of pain meds, so when I say something hurts, you’d better believe it MFing hurts.
I’ve gotta go with the burns here. Had a second-degree one once, that covered my entire right hand. I’m right-handed, so any movement out of my hand caused intense, tear-bringing, drop-to-your-knees-oh-take-me-now-Deity-please pain. I managed to get to some ice (and the doctor) very quickly afterwards, though, so there was no lasting damage. Just the pain, for several days.
I know nothing about kidney stones, though. But one of my husband’s male friends, who did have them, told me that after passing one, he finally understood what women were talking about regarding childbirth.
I had a piece of molten steel burrow 3/4 inch into my arm, so I’ve known pain.
So here’s two things you wouldn’t have guessed:
1- I once fell off a ladder, and somehow got a cramp in my poop chute! It’s like a calf cramp, only you can’t stretch it out (or if you can, I don’t want to know how. Actually, the pain was so intense, I’d have done anything to relieve it). Feel free to laugh.
2- A doctor once had to remove a wood splinter, about
1 & 1/2 inches by 1/2 inch, which was buried in the bottom of my foot. My screams must have sent the patients in the waiting room running for the exits. The doctor said the bottom of the foot is made up of the densest flesh in the body, with the added bonus of lots of nerve endings.
I’m on a combination of Uristat and a wonderful little drug I picked up in Australia while visiting dpr called Ural. It’s an effervescent kinda thing that neutralizes the acid in your pee. Oh, is that stuff blessed by the gods.
Trouble, can you tell me where you get Cystex? I assume it’s over-the-counter, but I’ve never seen nor heard of it.
Worst I’ve had is a face full of pepperspray…never before this had I had to suppress the urge to run away from my own skin…Not that I could, as I had also taken a full respiratory hit and had pretty much devoted my efforts to breathing and snot production…
Monitor lizard bite would come second…they have nasty serrated teeth, and after they bite they hold on and twist…they also invariably strike in a soft spot, like the web of meat between the thumb and forefinger…
First, Rogue, thanks for the warning! We have two monitors at work.
As for the worst non-hospital pain, I used to have two bikes. One was a girl’s 26" and the other was a man’s 27". One day I had been riding the girl’s bike and had just switched to the guy’s. I noticed that the front tire looked a little low, so I hopped forward off the seat to check it. Forgot all about that top bar…OUCH! I thought sure I’d cracked my pelvis right in half!
Worst hospital pain? Having my first son butt first with his feet up to his head, and for a second course, my third one, a 10lb2oz kid, delivered with forceps before the spinal block took hold. My middle son, at 8lb2oz was actually easy!
I’ve had menstrual cramps bad enough to throw up and pass out, never had kids, but there’s one thing that makes me wince and get all teary-eyed just thinking about it.
When my Precious Boy Kitty was just a teensy little one, about 5 weeks old, I was playing with him. He was lying on his back on my lap, and I was bent over talking woopsy-diddles to him, and he decided to try to catch my bangs with his little paws. He missed the bangs.
One little needle-razor-sharp claw from each perfect little foot pierced either side of my septum, about 1/2" up from the bottom of the nose. It hurt so bad that I was shedding tears, blood, and snot before I even started to whimper from it. Then I put him on the floor and went off to scream in the bathroom by myself.
My eyes are all watery right now just thinking about it. Perhaps it was just the surprise of the first Sharp Cat Event…
