Eating Blue Crabs with Old Bay seasoning and forgeting to wash hands before going to take a piss… Certain parts of your body are best left unfamiliar with the fires of a millon Hells.
Worse is when you try to rub the tears from your eyes with the same spicy hands…
Hey! A thread I actually have knowlege of.
Well, let’s see…I’ve been kicked in the balls with pointy cowboy boots (do-able), hit by a riccocheted .22 in the thigh (feh, dug it out myself), broken wrist (feh +), a couple of UTIs (ouch, but…), cigarette burn ala Billy Jack (not yet), Sliced with a knife across the ribcage to the bone (no pain at first [no, I did not go to the hospital - I duct-taped it back together], but later -yeah), Attempted to jump from the back of one moving pick-up to the other…missed (this is not as stupid as it seems. First of all, I was going for beer, and second I would have made it had the ass-hole driving the second truck not veered. (Bruised, but still not way up there.), wrapped a car around a tree (cracked pelvis now we’re getting there), clearing a field with a recently sharpened sythe, I cut my leg right below the knee. The cut , cut into my ligament, all the muscles under my kneecap and down into the bone. I know because I could look into the cut and see where it had splintered up. This wasn’t the painful part. 44 stiches with NO local, no pain med of any kind except advil - long story. ( the first say 15 -20 stiches not that bad, but after that - one of my all time ow-ies), Slammed and caught my fingers in a car door. When I finally got free blood was spurting out from under my fingernails (now this HURT, I came close to passing out), sandlot football. Pulled my collarbone out of socket on both ends (getting to the top of the Steve pain-o-meter), Bicycle crash. Concussion, skull fracture and another pelvis injury. Picture can’t walk, throwing up for weeks (concussion) WITH a BFH [big fucking headache] (6 months of no-so-fun pain), and, of course, I get migrains ( the bad ones top the list!)
Sorry, no experience with passing stones, 3rd degree burns (2nd, yeah) or menstral cramps.
Wow, warmgun is a hard act to follow…but I’ll give it a shot.
I have warts. Yes! I admit it! I’m a warty old witch who has rats and cats as familiars! Sob! Ok, enough of that. I like the rats, and the cat is with my parents, so I decided, let’s get rid of the warts. I tried Dr Scholl’s, el crappo. Student Health froze them, also not a viable solution. They were the warts that would not die. So, this summer I go home to visit my friendly neighborhood dermatologist to get these damn things off my foot and fingers. He ever so nicely did a Salicylic Acid Plaster Therapy to 3 areas, the top of my foot (5 year old wart the size of a pencil eraser), the ball of my foot (6 year-old plantar wart and all it’s offspring), and the tip and sides of my left middle finger (one year old wart living under the nail.) The nurse tells me I won’t feel a thing for a few hours, but by tomorrow I will want them to just cut my damn limbs off. Ohhh, little did I know.
This was early in the morning. By the evening I could feel the heat rising off the treated areas as acid burned into my living flesh. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t even touch my foot, and my finger hurt so bad tears came to my eyes if I set it on my knee. But that’s not the best part.
I am called to dinner. I walk to my chair. I sit down. With my left hand on my knee, I quickly cross my legs under the table. I crush my finger between my knee and the little jutty-down part under the table. Fire shoots out of my nose and tiny little red lightning flashed and laser beams shoot off my finger and I damn near pass out. For five minutes I can’t talk. Tears well, I wish instant death so as to make the hurting stop, yadda. It was bad.
But wanna know the very worst part of all? The treatment didn’t work. I went back three more times (The hurting stops after about a week, you feel all healed after 2, then you get to go back), and it’s still not gone. They will not die. If you ever have a wart, take care of it IMMIDEATLY! It’s bad otherwise. You have been warned.
Little Bird, that does not sound like fun. I had warts once and my Doc told me if I got rid of the first one that came up, the rest would likely go away on their own. Not wanting to go through all that usual wart removal stuff, I used the band-aid theory. I grabbed the biggest one with a set of pliers, got a very tight grip and pulled as hard and as quick as I could. Came out by the roots. Hurt like hell. But not for too long. And the warts never came back!
Nymysys, I get Cystex over the counter at my local drug-store. For some reason, though, it is not always with the AZ Standard. You may have to ask your pharmacist where they keep it. I’ve found it with the stomach remedies more often than with the other stuff–I can’t figure that one out…
Jesus God, woman! Why in the world would you want to follow anyone who would jump from one moving vehicle to another just to get beer???
Depends on the beer, sweetie. Depends on the beer… 
About the worst I’ve ever seen, and everything pales into nothingness, is severe arthritis of the spine, painkillers help but no pain quoted here comes close, hope you never come across someone with it.
Ankalysing spondalitis can be as bad in very serious cases but usually doesn’t get that far.
Oww, ouch, owie, owww, oww, ouchie, owwwww, ooooowww, owie…
Hm, I’m not a big one for pain stories since I value my bodily well being over most things (read: wuss!) and thus don’t get alot of injuries. Still… this happened fairly recently.
My girlfriend and her friend were coming by the house I was at to say hey. I was standing in the street waiting for them to get close so I could show 'em where the house was (they’d never been there before). So… here they come. We turn off our respective phones and I watch the incoming blue box of Volvo. As he comes down the hill, I expect him to be slowing down to turn into the driveway right beside me. Now this particular guy’s Volvo… I’ve made a habit of dancing on. So… I (okay shut up!) ran at his car and jumped on it. As I was running at it I realized that he was NOT slowing down. My plan of action turned into A) get on hood then B) get on top of car and C) get off the back. Well, it was going to work until part A went into effect. I got one foot up on the front of the car and he decided that THEN was the time to brake. Thus… as I extend my foot to get on top of the car and continue my journey-over-car the car stops moving at the rate that it was, and I fall. My shin breaks my fall against the top of his windshield and the roof of his car. At the time I shrugged it off as just mildly painful and laughed about it, but I didn’t tell anyone that I had a sneaking suspicion that a certain part of my leg wasn’t happy with me. The lump sticking out of the normal level of my shin under my pants was, pretty… ugh. The pain. It still hurts to walk and there is still a shin sized bruise. So there it is… not the most painful thing, but pretty painful.
~ARose
My dad has that, it’s really bad. I scares me sometimes because it’s genetic. I really hope that I don’t get it, and I hope that none of my kids get it. That kind of pain doesn’t go away…ever.
Ahh, pain.
Try having each and every tendon in the instep of your foot cramp simultaneously while in bed at the edge of consciousness. My foot curls at the very thought of this. The only way I can live through this is to carefully relax these tendons as slowly as I can while focusing on something else. Guess I better stop closing my heavy closet door with my foot from bed…
Although I nominate burns and fingernail injuries of any kind as worse than footcramps. And Corrvin’s right; kittens are very cute, but extremely vicious, and their young, unworn claws cause much pain. I love kittens all the same, though.
Try having a hamster (almost as cute as a kitten…) bite so hard, that shaking your hand doesn’t dislodge it. That happened to my sister. Yee-ouch.
At the base of your thumbnail, even. 
Stupid evil Satanic guinea pig. I had bite marks for a week.
jessica
I pulled a nosehair once and my eyes watered.
Watching someone you truly love suffer badly and being unable to do anything to help.