Welcome to the boards! Please say you’re sticking around, cos pathology and forensics are very interesting subjects.
You better be careful the people in the pit don’t find out about this…
When we switched out phones a year or so ago, the Verizon store had a bin for folks to donate their old phones to charities as noted in other posts. It was just a central collection point.
Perhaps I should have qualified the comment. I never mind honest questions, but after I’ve already explained that all items are donations, to keep repeating that comment makes me gnash my teeth behind my pleasant smile.
The first room you enter when you tour our museum is our Recent Acquisitions exhibit. Upon entering the room, I explain to the groups that these items are all recent donations and all of the artifacts throughout the museum have been gifted to us by the citizens of our city. If the name is recognizable, I tell them who donated it as we’re going throughout the exhibits.
Another thing that always irks me is the people who continually ask “How much is *that * worth?” after I have pateintly explained again and again that I have no idea, because we don’t appraise items in our collection. I can tell you about its age and rarity, but this is not Antiques Roadshow.
I had a woman come up to me at a job one time and ask me if I worked in the store. I replied that I did. Then she asked me where she could find the computer department.
At the time I was working in Best Buy wearing a blue shirt with Best Buy ensignia (otherwise known as a uniform) and I was standing under a GIANT sign proclaiming: COMPUTERS. Also, I was standing in front of a large array of computers.
I was so tempted to tell her that we didn’t sell those anymore.
-MDSL
I work in property management, so my “stupidest customer” changes on a daily basis.
We have one tenant who claimed that we shouldn’t charge her a late fee because the USPS took too long to deliver her rent payment, and that it wasn’t her fault. The problem is that the money order was purchased and mailed on the 4th, and rent is due by the 3rd. (She does this about every month.)
Yesterday, we got a phone call from a new tenant asking about how she would go about getting her cable bill paid by us. When my leasing agent expressed confusion at this question, the tenant informed us that we had listed free cable as an amenity offered for this unit on the website, and she wanted to know how we would pay for that. Jason double-checked the listing, and saw that it said “cable-ready,” and tried to explain that concept to the tenant. She became very irate, and insisted that when she saw the listing online it said “free cable”, and she printed it out when she saw it, and she was going to come in here with HER paper that said “free cable”, and we were gonna PAY for her CABLE like it SAID!
She never showed up.
A lady just the other night asked me to help her find “Death of a Salesman” for her son. When I put it into her hand she she examined it, rolled her eyes up at the heavens and said with a petulant little sing-song lilt “I don’t want the plaaaaay, I want the boooook.”
I remember during a bout of extremely bad weather, there was a salt shortage in the area. This one woman came into Kmart and asked us for some. Then, when she saw it was regular price, she took us to task for not charging MORE for it. See, we were stupid not to do so, because we’d make a fortune.
First time I’ve EVER heard of someone get upset because the price was too low.
It’s off topic, but don’t you INSURE them? What if you have a fire?
My grandma is a landlord, and she’s got a blue million of these stories. One of my favorites is from her last tenant. The woman only lived there for three months. A local church bought her sob story and paid her deposit for her, and every month, she had to “borrow” money from others to cover her rent (but could somehow afford massive shopping sprees.) She caused a lot of damaged to the place while she lived there.
When she moved out, she sent a letter to my grandma demanding “her” deposit back. She wrote that she had left the place clean and had photos (underlined three times) to prove it, and that “her attorney” wanted a response to know why it hadn’t been given to her.
Grandma sent her a letter enumerating all of the damages she had caused and the seven other ways in which she had violated her rental agreement, but if the woman really felt the money should be returned, Grandma would give it back to the church. I giggle every time I think of the woman reading that letter, hopping mad because she had probably already planned how she was going to spend it.
As my grandma puts it, renters are the unluckiest people on earth. Every month, around the time the rent is due, tragedy strikes. Medical emergencies, family troubles and accounting problems resulting in delayed paychecks and cars which break down . . . one guy’s grandma died three times. One woman told grandma her kid had cancer which was why she couldn’t pay the rent, but must have neglected to inform her husband of it because he didn’t know what grandma was talking about when she asked a few weeks later how the kid’s treatment was going.
One family who rented a house from grandma steadfastly insisted that they had no dog, and claimed it was the TV when grandma called and asked what that was that was barking in the background. When they moved out, we found that they had cleverly avoided having tell-tale dog turds in the back yard by putting the dog in the basement to answer nature’s call.
Death of a Salesman, by Alan Dean Foster.
Maybe her name was Kresge? 
This one’s short but a real WTF moment…
I answered the phone at my husband’s restaurant. Here’s the conversation:
Me: Good Evening, <name of restaurant>. This is Butterfly, can I help you?
Caller: How late are y’all open?
Me: The dining room closes at ten. The bar stays open until about eleven.
Caller: :: pause :: What’s a dining room?
That could have been the customer’s way of asking if there were ‘amazingly white girl’ Native Alaskans. Not one of the world’s most intelligent questions, I grant you, however that could be why she asked you as opposed to your friend.
I once worked at a chain department store (the same one at which the lady threw donuts at me.) Once, I was assigned to the phones. Our answering greeting was “Thank you for calling your twenty-four-hour [Super Duper Store]. How may I direct your call?”
I got a lot of: “What time do you close?” To which I would politely reply that we were open twenty-four hours a day.
I’ll never forget the response of one woman: “Ohhhhhh! So *that’s *what that sign meant!”
Oh, there are amazingly white girl Native Alaskans. I probably wouldn’t have remembered this lady if it weren’t for the fact that she steadfastly refused to believe I’m not one of them.
“No, Ma’am, I’m not an Eskimo”
“You must be!”
“No, Ma’am, I’m afraid I’m not”
“You must be!”
“My mom is German and my dad is Irish/Scottish, Ma’am. I assure you, I’m not at all Eskimo.”
“But everyone in Alaska is Eskimo!” :smack:
I gave up after that and just agreed with the lady. Some ignorance is too invincible to defeat.
I work in property management too, and yes, the dumbest tenant changes from week-to-week (if not day-to-day). One tenant moved out, and her boyfriend called five times in two hours demanding the security back. By then I had pulled the file and found out Social Services had paid the security. So we let him call the rest of the day (16 times!) and at the last call informed him we would return the security to Social Services. He hung up on me!
One tenant accused me and several other people of coming into her room, beating her with baseball bats and putting worms in her stomach.
One tenant was a con artist extraordinaire. When Social Services refused to pay her rent, we took her to court, got a eviction, and had the sheriff come to lock her out. She called the police on him, claiming it was an illegal eviction because she hadn’t been notified (despite several notices having been sent and paid for). The expression on the cop’s face when he saw the sheriff!
While working on a mobile farm (in the patting pen) you get a lot of stupid questions and comments (mostly “what’s that?”… the weirdest thing we normally have in the pen is a calf).
But the best came from a girl, about 12 years old. She walked up to the pen and asked:
Her: “Can I pat the mammoth?”
Me: … :dubious: …“I’m not sure which one you mean… point to it”
She points to an alpaca.
I know that alpacas are a little odd, I have been asked if they are a cross between a sheep and a giraffe, a sheep and a cow, and even a sheep and an emu, but that one takes the cake, how could you think you know enough about mammoths to point one out, but not know, within say, 2000kg, how big they are?
Which reminds me of one my boss likes to tell:
Little girl walks up, about 8 years old:
“mr. farmer, can I pat your old pecker?”
“…SORRY?”
“that one” Points to a llama.
“Yes… and it’s called a llama”
After that, I don’t think anything the public has said has shocked him.
Cutest one I’ve ever heard:
“Awwww! It’s a thing!”
Grandma once had a tenant accuse her/and/or the police of stealing a fur coat and diamond necklace from her possessions when grandma had her stuff set out on the curb by the sheriff. (If this woman ever owned either of those items, I would eat my hat.)
