YAY! I hope you like some stuff…
The “How you can talk with God” is sort of a meditation written by a Hindu philosopher, I think.
The Big red hook is just a big red hook…screw it into the wall and it’s damned handy.
The white plastic thing is a bowl scraper.
I thought the CD’s would be appreciated…
This was fun! Let’s do it again!
stoid
I just got back from a break to find a package on my chair. My boss yelled from her office next to my cubie, “Hey, remember all those anthrax packages going around - do you know who sent you that?” I’m PRETTY sure she was kidding. God knows I don’t want to be getting any Anthrax in this package - I despise heavy metal music. 
So it’s from Wicked Blue, which I already knew from the very nice e-mail she sent me explaining why the package was delayed. (All you people who haven’t sent out your packagederm, be nice and email your recipient. they’ll appreciate it.) I tore off the plain brown wrapper to discover… a Priority Mail package addressed to Mr. Wicked Blue. Now I know she was running behind, but to just pick up a package addressed to her husband without even knowing what’s in it and mail it to me without letting him open it first… that’s just tacky. Oh, wait, the box was re-used - I just noticed the scotch tape on the side. Never mind.
Opening it LIVE:
[ul][li]A nice fish-shaped greeting card, cleverly taped into place so it’s the first thing I see. She apologized for being a big giant slacker, denigrated the contents of the box, and told me she almost sent back my Dilbert candy dispenser from round one. (Don’t you threaten ME, lady.)[/li][li]a bunch of white cheez doodles. Mmmm, I love cheez doodles - and no orange fingers this time! Hey, these are REALLY stale! Should have left them in the bag instead of dumping them loose in the box. Oh, wait, these are styrofoam packing peanuts that just happen to resemble cheez doodles.[/li][li]A free sample of Taster’s Choice® Fresh Packs™ and a coupon for 55 cents off same. Accompanied by a note saying, “I bet you hate instant coffee. I do. :)” You got it right, sweetie - but I love those old narrative commercials of theirs so I’ll keep these.[/li][li]A menu from the Umi Japanese Steakhouse, which sells sushi and is on Gar highway but does not sell gar sushi. Wicked Blue has thoughfully highlighted the types of sushi she likes; If I get her name again I’ll mail her some. Did I mention that the menu has a big smeary thumbprint on it? I’m forwarding that to the FBI right now.[/li][li]a gourmet cheese shaver. Personally I think if your cheese is growing hair, you should be throwing it out instead of shaving it. grin The handle looks like several tiny bagels with schmears of cream cheese… awwwwwwww. Of course you don’t USE a shaver on cream cheese, which makes the aesthetics of this gadget perfect for a White Elephant exchange. (Jeez, Wicked, you could have wiped it off first.)[/li][li]Ooh! It’s a pen and a highlighter! Now my cow-orkers won’t have to work as hard when they’re stealing all my writing utensils! The printed company info on this little gem says it’s from “Junction Abstract, Inc.”… apparently they couldn’t be more specific.[/li][li]A book: Love for a Lifetime: Building a Marriage that Will Go the Distance. It’s full of sappy “affirmations” designed to inject a little moral uplift into a newly married woman’s life once she realizes that he really isn’t going to change after all. Wicked’s note says, “Hee hee, I got this as a wedding gift. I can’t just throw it away. Maybe you can. :)” Don’t be silly, Wicked, I think this is just the thing I need to increase the stability of my home. Or at least that table with the wobbly leg.[/li][li].69 ounces of Love’s Baby Soft cologne mist. Trying to tell me something, WB?[/li][li]A form-fitting plastic Pringles holder, shaped like a stack of Pringles about an inch thick. It rocks back and forth when you tap it. The cats are going to LOVE this.[/li][li]A very useful pen/flashlight combo. This thing is really neat! it has three flashlight settings: Pulse, beam, and strobe. AND there’s a rotating color thingy that lets you change the light color from white to red to blue (WICKED blue, I’m sure) to green! It’s like there’s a gay disco in my shirt pocket! And I’m sure if I can figure out how to open it and change the batteries, it will even work![/li][li]A note pad to use my disco pen on.[/li][li]A glow-in-the-dark frog featuring a belly-mounted suction cup.[/li][li]A rubber squid just the right size to use as a bizarre sex toy. The note says…lessee…“Caution: Rubber squid is not intended to be used as a bizarre sex toy.” Darn. Of course I had to look up its tentacles and found, instead of the parrot-beak-thingy squid have, a molded projection that resembles a tiny vulva. Hmmmmmmmm. Agent Mulder, what do you make of this?[/li][li]a moisturizing, cleansing bar which, although smelling of what it calls “Sun-Ripened Raspberry,” is inexplicably lavender-colored. The box it’s in says “enriched with our own body lotion.” GOD, I hope they’re not being euphemistic. WB’s note: “I hate raspberry; hope you don’t.” I don’t, but I’m afraid to use this cleansing bar; I’m already bisexual, and this stuff would almost certainly make me completely gay - which Mrs. Chef would NOT appreciate.[/li][li]A Dinkie Dino, which is a Tamagotchi-type virtual pet. Thanks, WB, but I already have a hand-held piece of consumer electronics that demands my attention every waking moment - it’s called the remote control. I’ll pass this on to Chef Jr.[/ul][/li]
Wow, what a haul. [sprockets-guy voice]I’m as happy as a little guuuuuuuuuurllll.[/sprockets-guy voice]
Oh SOOO cool. Now, before I rave on and on about the amazingly sweet and neat stuff I got, I have to take a second here and be very non-giddy.
One of the things in the box was a cartoon ( heh heh ) and on the back a note from “Y”. How MYTHTERIOUTH- since I have no clue who my W.E. donor is. Darn it !!! It DOES say “Rocking Chair” on the note. Hmmm.
In the note , it is mentioned that thinksnow and others considered it a good idea to send me cards.
I cannot thank those of you who did send me a card, enough. Like all of us, I’ve had evil and dark days. When I found mail from Dopers in the box, I was so delighted. The sweet and supportive words have made a difference to me, never doubt for a moment.
Now, then- I got…
**1. A MOST lovely genn- ewe- ine soft cuddly stuffed animal from the nice TY people. It is called " Rescue" and is even now residing on the shelf next to my desk.
Hershey’s Hugs, because you can’t have too many hugs.
This box thing that is a puzzle that already has me foaming at the mouth because I love to think I’m smart and yet cannot figure the fucking thing out and if someone smart doesn’t tell me HOW this thing works soon then maybe something bad might happen later oh god this is so cool.
A strip of silk fabric that has people on it. It’s a sample, and blows me away. Lemme tell you this, my little W.E. friend, this strip of silk with people holding hands will adorn my Steadicam Vest and with every step I take, on every job I do, I will have those people holding hands against my body. 
A pumpkin that has…a tongue…almost as long as mine. 
**
I think that’s it. I have to say, the comic strip and note have completely floored me.
Y’all aren’t just Dopers. You’re wonderful humans.
Cartooniverse
I could never, not in a million years, be mad at FCM. She’s great! I’m secretly very glad that she sent you the clock. My friend made it and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I loathe the Bulls. I root for three teams - Jazz, Knicks, and Mavericks. Well, and occasionally the Pacers.
I’m told by an unimpeachable source that this was not my OFFICIAL White Elephant. I’m embarassed, but not one iota less enthralled.
Now, I get to wait and be excited AGAIN !!!
I got mine about a week ago from bouv (who was actually the same person I got last time?) but forgot to post.
Let’s see, I got:
[ul] [li] a “sewer urchin” toy. [sub](umm, okay)[/sub][/li][li] a 3-pack of cheap crayons.[/li][li] a computer cord thing[/li][li] some sort of computer part that goes to… something[/li][li] all kinds of cool stickers that are now plastered onto my wall.[/ul][/li]Thanks bouv
i’m so glad you got the box. i was getting worried. i thought rescue might have to be rescued.
believe it or not except for the puppy and hugs all the stuff came from my office. we have fabric samples all over the place, the resource librarian and i thought that sample would be perfect for you. i will tell her on monday. the puzzle thing is a stress reliever. they are very, very, popular around the office. you just move the squares around until you go into a “state.” it doesn’t take long. as for the pumpkin… i just don’t know what to say about that. some people find it “fall on the floor” funny, others run while screaming: “get that obscene thing away from me!” i didn’t figure you for the screaming type.
Chef Troy, I think I enjoyed your box-opening session as much as you did. God, that was worth the wait. Thanks for the amusing narration
Still waiting for my white elephant. 
My niece and I agreed it was the best flavour :eek:
Surely I’m not the only one yet to receive my elephant… Anyone else still on the loveseat??
It’s not a loveseat to have so many of us on it. Unless there are people sitting on me, in which case - moooove! I gotta peeee!
Ginger, I apologize profusely. But circumstances being what they currently are in my house, I don’t know how I’m giong to pay my electricity bill, much less mail this packed to the brim box of stuff to Canada.
I will get it to you as soon as I can. Promise.
Yeah, I thought that was kind of odd, getting you again, but whatever. That Sewer Urchin toy is from The Tick, an awesome cartoon, comic book series, and soon-to-be live action show!
Hmm…I can’t remember what the computer thing I sent you was (I know the cord is a parallel to miniDIN-8 port converter.) I know it wasn’t my spare network card, 'cause that’s on my desk right now…I’m really puzzeled trying to figire this out…can you give me a short description of it so I can pinpoint what it is?
Well, I’m still waiting on the sofa. Here is round two of the butter tarts, and a yummy pecan pie. How I LOOOVE pecan pie.
I hope my package arrives soon I’m not only going to put on 5 pounds from all this baking - an idle thread I started while bored has turned into a total snit-fest. Good god, I need to lay off the sugar…
Mmmmm. . .pecan pie. May I have some, please?
I haven’t gotten my Official White Elephant Package either, although the box of Pity Pachyderms from FairyChatMom was a nice surprise. As I said before, she rocks.
Zap
No worries, Arden. Take care of home and hearth before you worry about me. I can live without more crap for awhile, don’t worry for a minute about it.
At this late date, I am almost embarrassed to report that I received my White Elephant over a month ago. I did report to the sender via e-mail that I received it (thanks again Tracey, I still don’t know your user name). I got my package on the afternoon of 9/11, and was too preoccupied with other events to fully appreciate it at the time. My list of goodies includes, A Bonsai Potato kit, to be put to use soon, a bag of Beer Bread mix, claimed (stolen) by son-in-law. A blue and yellow wind-up Sega toy claimed by grandson, a McDonalds Little Mermaid still in the package and a McDonalds Atlantis toy still in the package (I’ve collected McDonalds toys for years). Also, a Gilchrist & Soames Cleansing bar and an Easter pencil with a bunny eraser and a Christmas pencil with a snowflake eraser, and a box of Wonka Everlasting Gobstoppers. There may have been other items in there, but the whole family rummaged thru it, so we all enjoyed it. Thanks for letting the new guy play.
I got my package…(actually, it was waiting for me at the post office for awhile… stupid mailman) I don’t have it with me, but here’s what I remember…
The theme of which was apparently, Giant Casino…
I received a huge deck of playing cards… (these suckers are like 5x7 inches)… I’m assuming the whole deck is present… I didn’t count them
Giant dice
And a vast collection of beer themed costers.
In addition I got a little stuffed bat (currently decorating my office… thanks); a stuffed “WB” frog (stolen by my niece… she tried to get the bat, but I fought for that one); a santa claus pez dispenser; a bunch of #2 pencils; 1 regular size die (which probably has a major inferority complex from being stuck in the box with the giant dice); some simpson’s triva tests, and apparently all of mongrel_8’s high school keepsakes, including a “letter” and a prom keepsake.
there was a bunch of other stuff too… I just can’t remember it right now.
Cool.
Thanks soooooo much!
-Pandora
These are the Dopers that I’ve not seen post an Elephant sighting:
Alice-in-wonderland
Ayesha
bad news baboon
bouv
BunnyGirl
Cartooniverse
Cazzle
dentarthurdent
dobbinaire
Ell
Eonwe
Fisherqueen
Francesca
Gamelan
GingerOfTheNorth
Grace
Hastur
lolagranola
Miss Pippi
Mobius74
moi
MonkeyMensch
pcubed
porcupine
Pucette
purplebear
rocking chair
Sassy
Seawitch
Sir Rhosis
Soda
Tattva
Thinksnow (not officially)
TroubleAgain
Turbo Dog
Zappo (not officially)
I know some of these are delayed due to long, over-seas travel (elephants don’t swim too fast.) Please email me if I have missed you, mistaken something, or if you have gotten your little white pachyderm.
Thanks,
ts, Elephant Ranger; Pale Pachyderm Museum, Curator.