[QUOTE=Spectre of Pithecanthropus]
I would be much more impressed if they could say that 95% of the vehicles that left the factory in 1998 are still running.
[/QUOTE]
Isn’t that implied by the “on the road” part? I mean, you don’t park your car planter on the road. It goes up on blocks in the front yard right? 
There are two shitty commercials running here in Central Texas that are God awful.
The first is a national spot, I presume, for AT&T wireless cards. It has this annoying limey fuck prattling on about how he’s found the internet, “like a tiny criminal.” What is it with Americans and British accents? Does that automatically sell shit? I just want to kick him in his tiny balls.
The second is probably just airing in Texas for Dairy Queen. Two stereotypically Texas lawmen-types are threatening the Dairy Queen burger. One is a fat dumpy dweeb that nods his head moronically while the “sheriff” gushes about how good the burger looks. He’s got these horrible dentures that are in the center of the frame that make me not want to eat.
The two commercials have me diving for the remote every time they’re on.
That damn Ped Egg commercial. I’m sure it works wonderfully but I don’t want to see a bunch of people grinding the dead skin off their crusty feet - and then they open the thing up and show the nastiness! Bleargh.
Be fair to Bernie and Phyl – Now their ads feature their ugly sons. I think they’re trying to compete more directly with the guys from Jordan’s, but they can’t afford a trapeze school or an IMAX theater.
Nice Freudian slip in the title.
I wonder if the Kia commercial I’m complaining about is the same as those upthread? I came to complain about the jingle and it occurs to me that I don’t even know what’s happening onscreen as it’s being sung. Anyway, the lyrics to the entire thing are:
I just can’t seem to get it right today
Just can’t seem to get it right today
Just can’t seem to get it right today…
Guess I’m gonna give up
Guess I’m gonna give up.
That’s the whole fucking song and it gets stuck in my head. If I start to feel suicidal, I’m going to sue their ass.
Nah, not really. I just can’t seem to get it right today. Guess I’m gonna give up.
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle]
I wonder if the Kia commercial I’m complaining about is the same as those upthread? I came to complain about the jingle and it occurs to me that I don’t even know what’s happening onscreen as it’s being sung. Anyway, the lyrics to the entire thing are:
I just can’t seem to get it right today
Just can’t seem to get it right today
Just can’t seem to get it right today…
Guess I’m gonna give up
Guess I’m gonna give up.[/SIZE]
[/QUOTE]
Yup, that’s the one.
I will never set foot in a Brothers Main store because of their condescending commercials.
Jake and his family. Eatin’ at Applebee’s. Celebrating his dad’s birthday.
Which was FEBRUARY FARGIN’ TWENTY-NINTH. That was FORTY-ONE DAYS AGO, Jake, you little shit.
And – oh, this is so funny – Jake’s dad was born in Leap Year! So – so, he gets a birthday only every four years! So - (snert!) he’s ten! That’s the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard!
FOR SIX WEEKS I’VE BEEN HEARING IT! Applebee’s, pull that damn commercial N.O.W.
[QUOTE=Sigmagirl]
Jake and his family. Eatin’ at Applebee’s. Celebrating his dad’s birthday.
Which was FEBRUARY FARGIN’ TWENTY-NINTH. That was FORTY-ONE DAYS AGO, Jake, you little shit.
And – oh, this is so funny – Jake’s dad was born in Leap Year! So – so, he gets a birthday only every four years! So - (snert!) he’s ten! That’s the funniest damn thing I’ve ever heard!
FOR SIX WEEKS I’VE BEEN HEARING IT! Applebee’s, pull that damn commercial N.O.W.
[/QUOTE]
Preach it! I just heard that commercial on the radio yesterday, and my thoughts were exactly the same as yours (“It wasn’t even mildy amusing in February, but it’s freaking April now! Pull the Og-damned ad!”).
FWIW, I actually really like the “dude” ads from Bud Light. Maybe I’m the only one, though.
Probably my least favorite national ads would have to be for Jared. You know, as in, “He went to Jared!” “He went to Jared?” “HE WENT TO JARED!” etc. God damn. The one I particularly hate involves a guy giving his date some Jared thing in a restaurant, and as the news of his godly act resonates through the crowd, a woman whose man obviously did NOT get her gift at Jared throws her drink in his face. Because, of course, even if he drops $5,000 or whatever on some metal and carbon/corundum amalgamation for you, if it doesn’t come from JARED, it’s just not good enough for your bitch ass. Remember that, ladies. The only men that matter shop at Jared.
Come to think of it, probably my least favorite ads of all-time are radio ads for a local jewelry store. It was bad enough when the owner of this store got on the radio and sung an EXTREMELY off-key Christmas song in one of them to promote his store. But then they put out a couple of spots that were far worse. One of them strongly suggested that (and these ads are always aimed at GUYS, by the way), unless you buy your woman a big, gaudy, diamond-encrusted thing for the holidays, she would not let you watch any sports on TV. As if to suggest that no woman would willingly watch sports without first being placated by gobs of jewelry, which is a ridiculous notion in my area since around here, women not only enjoy watching sports very much, but excel in them as well (see: UNC women’s soccer, basketball, etc.). Bitch, please.
Another ad from this store refers to jewelry as - I swear - “long-term wife insurance”. Which, to me, suggests one of two things: either 1) men, you are expected to shower your woman with expensive shiny things lest she divorce your sorry ass, or 2) ladies, no matter how dysfunctional your man might be - abusive, lecherous, a bad driver, you name it - as long as he provides you with sufficient bling, he’s a keeper. Holy crap.
[QUOTE=Dung Beetle]
I wonder if the Kia commercial I’m complaining about is the same as those upthread? I came to complain about the jingle and it occurs to me that I don’t even know what’s happening onscreen as it’s being sung. Anyway, the lyrics to the entire thing are:
I just can’t seem to get it right today
Just can’t seem to get it right today
Just can’t seem to get it right today…
Guess I’m gonna give up
Guess I’m gonna give up.
[/QUOTE]
I actually downloaded the song from the iTunes store after hearing it on the commercial. “Can’t Get it Right Today” by Joe Purdy (lyrics here). I’m also pretty sure that it’s about someone who died and a woman dealing with her grief afterward, so a little heavier than the commercial would imply.
Jeez, that’s just wrong.
I just saw a new Charmin commercial with those stupid cartoon bears. In this one, the father bear and the little boy bear are playing football. When the boy bear goes to hut the ball, he bends over to display little pieces of toilet paper stuck to his ass.
They’re cartoon bears, but I just about barfed anyways.
Oh, I just remembered that I’m not very fond at all of the Planter’s ad with the unibrow girl who rubs herself with cashews to attract male attention. Not only does this girl look VERY creepy, but some parts of the ad just don’t make sense - for example, the girl is riding a bus. She attracts the attention (presumably by scent) of a guy riding a bicycle OUTSIDE OF THE BUS. How is it that he was able to smell her, especially considering he was riding through a column of taxicab exhaust at the time?
I also grew very weary of one particular Sam Adams commercial. It was the one where various people were trying to name all the different kinds of beer that Sam Adams makes. The two guys they show at the end seem to be struggling to think of the one that they missed, when one of them at last proclaims, “CREAM STOUT!”, and the other goes, “CREAM STOUT, THERE YOU GO!” like they just scored a touchdown. Morons. Thankfully, they don’t seem to show this ad much anymore.
Oh, and I second the idiotic hot breakfast bar commercials (Holiday Inn?), especially the one with the “designated driver”. Hahaha, 'cause this is a breakfast BAR, so scrambled eggs must be, like, VODKA, right? LOLOLOLOL
[QUOTE=Intravenus De Milo]
I also grew very weary of one particular Sam Adams commercial. It was the one where various people were trying to name all the different kinds of beer that Sam Adams makes. The two guys they show at the end seem to be struggling to think of the one that they missed, when one of them at last proclaims, “CREAM STOUT!”, and the other goes, “CREAM STOUT, THERE YOU GO!” like they just scored a touchdown. Morons. Thankfully, they don’t seem to show this ad much anymore.
[/QUOTE]
There’s a very snarky line in the “yeah, our owner totally goes to Germany to pick the best hops ever” Sam Adams commercial where the beardy skinhead brewer says something like, “It’s the taste you want when you grow up.”
I’m a big fan of Sam Adams, but it’s pretty fucking cheap to suggest that the other guy is immature because he likes Bud Select, or whatever.
I mean, yeah, he’s got shitty taste… but don’t call him immature. Jeez.
I think there’s a line in that same ad that goes something like, “we are literally CRAMMING hops into the beer”. Somehow that just sounds wrong.
I will be so glad when this weekend is over and I will no longer have to listen to ads promoting the appearance of Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants at some local event. These consist of Patrick dancing in the background while a pre-teen black boy sings a rap (hip-hop? I’m not up on these styles of music) song with such stirring lines as
This is the only type of ad I’ve ever seen promoting this type of thing. I’m not that familiar with the show, but is it so popular with young black kids that the promoters see them as their target audience?
Here in the UK, its bloody Howard.
[QUOTE=kathmandu]
I just saw a new Charmin commercial with those stupid cartoon bears. In this one, the father bear and the little boy bear are playing football. When the boy bear goes to hut the ball, he bends over to display little pieces of toilet paper stuck to his ass.
[/QUOTE]
Yeah, I thought that was beyond the invisible bounds of “good taste” too.
[QUOTE=Sleeps With Butterflies]
Kia has a commercial for their Spectra that bugs me every time. Different drivers are pulling into gas stations and having a hard time remembering where their gas tank is located. They’re dragging the hose from this side to that side of the car looking for the tank.
[/QUOTE]
And what makes them doubly stupid? The car has a remote release for the filler door, so all of these dolts that are dragging the hose around the car will have to go back inside the car to flip the lever.
From the Mr. Whipple age to the Charmin Bears of today, I’m not sure if anyone has EVER found a way to make a graceful toilet paper commercial. We’ve almost mastered tampons and Depends, but somehow progress in the toilet paper ad field seems to have eluded society as a whole. The ones that struck me as really kind of pathetic, though, were for I think Quilted Northern. They involved the cartoons with all the little old ladies sitting around, cheerfully quilting toilet paper. For all of their meticulously hard work, don’t they know that people are just going to use the quilts to wipe their asses? Kind of sad, really 