Commercials that make me furious

I’m sitting here watching The Price Is Right (and might I say, Drew Carey is really coming into his own as a host). I am not furious.

Wait. Here’s a commercial for Charmin toilet paper.

I HATE CHARMIN COMMERCIALS. I cannot stress this enough. Those bears make me want to kill someone. When that one little kid bear starts taking a truckload of toilet paper and says “I’m gonna need all this!” I want to go out into the woods and poison a honeycomb in the hopes that I’d end the life of a cartoon bear.

The one that just came on made me shudder. I do not want to look at a bear’s ass while his dad tries to vacuum fragments of toilet paper off of his fuzzy bum. And what the heck kind of toilet paper are they using that leaves such ass shrapnel?

I hate Charmin commercials. Lady Soul once brought home a pack of that stuff. I got in the car, drove back to the grocery store, and got the one with the puppies on it. If I’m going to wipe myself with something cute, it’s going to be a puppy, not a bear too incompetent to wipe himself and his weirdo molester father.

Anyway, this is way too mild and silly for the pit, so CS, what commercials make you furious?

The current Alltel commercial where the dorks interrupt the wizard at dinner and he sics the dog on them. On its own, it’s not so bad, but based on the saturation level of their last stupid commercial, I know they will show it and show it and show it until I have another brain hemorrhage.

Speaking of brain hemorrhage, anything to do with Indiana Jones. Cue the music! Dun da dunt dun, dun da dun, dun da DUNT DUN etc. I must have heard that shit forty times yesterday.

There’s a car insurance commercial for a company that hasn’t penetrated my poor bleeding brain yet, but you’ve seen it…it’s the lady with the extreme eye makeup in the white-on-white room ringing up boxes of motorcycle insurance and boat insurance for a guy whose wife obviously didn’t know they needed it. “Surprise!”

Then there’s a Mentos commercial where a lady comes along, lifts up the guy’s freakin nose, and kisses him. Then she puts his nose back. I’m gagging. It’s weird, there seems to be a tendency in the last few years for companies selling food to make commercials that make me absolutely nauseated. Cheetos, I’m looking at you!

Customer “Wow.”

Irritating lady w/eye makeup “WOW! I say it louder.”

I just want those boxes to fall on her.

Can’t say that I recall seeing any lately that make me hate them, but that Progressive cashier is a tad annoying.

I rather like the Raiders commercial with the M&M guys.

Not a television ad, but there’s this radio commercial that plays 300 times a day on ESPN 1000 here in Chicago for Chipotle that has this song (note: Video is by some Youtube person, but the song is the one from the radio)

This little jingle makes me want to take off my seatbelt, accelerate up to 90 and drive into a telephone pole.

As does the one for Tecate Light where they refuse to refer to it as “Beer” and every time the announcer says “beer” they bleep him out. Stop beeping at me about your shitty fucking “cerveza”. I don’t like hearing the beeps, at all. Ever.

Wait, let me guess: they borrowed a certain tune from The Music Man?

I wish. It’s more like if Los Lonely Boys all had severe head injuries and were having their brain waves suppresed chemically for a time so that they could heal and one of them became horribly fixated on nasty ass Chipotle burritos like a patient in a mental ward. It’s that bad.

The ones that drive crazy lately are the ones for Ford where they’re pushing the voice-command technology (the name of which eludes me at the moment – good job with your advertising there, Ford!).
Driver: “Call home.”
Voice: “Hello?”
No dialing sound, no ringing, just an instantaneous connection with whoever you were trying to call. Yeah right.

My god. Their ad agency found something worse than replacing “Shipoopi” with “Chipotle”?

Well, listen to the link and then come back and agree heartily with me. Oh, maybe it’s not so bad at first, you might even think, hey, that’s kind of catchy. By the tenth or so time you decide that hey, that’s not that catchy. I don’t like that song. By the 100th time you think about firebombing your local Chipotle.

At this point, I want to hunt down and feed the Burrito Lady to a hippo. Feet first.

My work computer doesn’t like YouTube for some reason.

The recent batch of PC vs Mac ads are really starting to piss me off.

The first batch was funny. Poking fun at all of Windows foibles and saying how Apple does these little things better. They were nice little commercials, I like Justin Long as an actor and they were funny jabs at real Windows problems.

But the latest batch (which have really become Vista vs Mac) are so fucking stupid. Mostly because they bend the truth or flat out lie to make Vista look absolutely broken. It’s especially irritating because the list of problems they make up for Vista (like the yoga instructor who is mad that "Vista erased my financial records) don’t even make any sense.

Stick to iPod commercials Apple, they’re actually clever.

I apologize for doing this, but there’s an audio link on this page too.

Your work computer is wise.

While Fudgems is still at the top of my all-time repulsotisement, everything that Burger King has done with its advertising in the last year or two has just pissed me off. The whole “Get Me a Whopper!” campaign caused me to form the impression that Burger King customers are obnoxious losers around whom I would never want to voluntarily spend time. The “future King” commercial where Robo-King pisses coffee out of his finger while the woman in the background fondly recalls her last robo-fingerblast is just disgusting. Now they’ve returned to their “our customers are all douchebags” with their Angus beef commercials in which a man throws his passenger from a speeding car and the other where the car repeatedly rear-ends the car in front of it.

I have heard from people who are hirsute of bum that Charmin actually DOES leave terrible ass-shrapnel. So in this case, maybe it’s just truth in advertising.

There’s some commercial for some product which depicts a lady picking her kid up from a soccer game. There’s one other kid there. She sits in the car, and to my recollection even starts it up and begins driving away. Then she gets a “real thoughtful” look on her face, then becomes resolute. She turns around and sits with the other kid until his own parents come to pick him up. The commercial then plays her decision as though it were one of those things we all really know we ought to do but often don’t.

The lady had to get “real thoughtful” before she could finally bring herself not to leave a ten year old kid alone with no idea how or when he was going to get back home.

That’s completely fucked up.


Then there’s that one (though I haven’t seen it in the last few months, I think) where the dad is sorely, sorely disappointed and saddened that his girl (maybe 8 years old?) would rather listen to economic news than kiddiebopper rock, and would rather be read to out of a book of land sales records than a nice book of fairy tales. The commercial warns that my kid could be like this too if I let art education falter in our public schools.

I’m all for art education. I think it belongs in schools, and I would take steps to ensure that it is in the curriculum if the opportunity and necessity arose.

But that commercial is evil. If a kid wants to listen to economic news, and pore through dense legal records, then hell yeah! That kid’s got a future in doing what she loves! It would be completely wrong for any adult to discourage this in order to make the kid fit into a preconception about what life pursuits kids should be interested in. (I mean really, this is incredibly egregious coming from an ad for art education, where nonconformity and personal expression are generally valued.)

Oh man that commercial used to really make me angry!


I just heard a commercial on the radio that I thought was another painfully cheerful and annoying and multicultural McDonalds commercial, it was some sort of coffee-house beatnik jazz song. Turns out it was Sheetz. Sheetz, quit ripping off McDonald’s crappy advertising!!

I have a completely unreasonable hatred of the commercial that goes, “Yummy, yummy, yummy, I’ve got love in my tummy.” I don’t know what product it’s for (obviously, it’s food), but everytime I hear it it reminds me of my mother pressing more food on me, telling me I must hate her if I don’t eat seconds, then later complaining that I’m not as thin as my cousin, who was a model in Milan. Yes, I do have issues. Why do you ask?

I think the lyrics are enough, thanks. :eek: