There is a web site called “The Ninja Hypothesis” (www.ninjahypothesis.com) that is testing a hypothesis that any movie can be made better just by strategically adding some ninjas. How does your favorite (or not so favorite) movie hold up?
Braveheart: William Wallace has been captured and is having unexplicable things done to his private areas that no man should have to see. He motions to the creepy executioner that he wishes to speak. The executioner announces “The prisoner wishes to say a word.” Wallace musters up every bit of strength he can, and yells: NINJAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! From nowhere, two ninjas appear, hack the executioner to bits, and save Wallace.
(hey, it’s no more historically inaccurate than the original.)
This sounds like a ripoff of my “3 great comedic devices” theory, which I have held for a number of years.
The theory goes like this: There are three (I have since added a provisional fourth) things that, when added to any given situation, will make it funnier just by being there, without even doing anything:
[ul]
[li]Ninjas[/li][li]Anvils[/li][li]Tom Jones[/li][li]Banana Peels (when used in the classic slapstick-foot-slippage capacity)[/li][/ul]
Not a favorite, but a nice mindless movie to watch when you’re bored – The Rock.
In that scene where the SEALs are in the shower room and they all are killed by the Marines… (you would think that the SEALs would’ve at least killed a couple of the Marines, but miraculously, they all lived, not even a scratch)…
There could be this colony of ninjas that were banished from Japan, so they chose to live in the sewer system of Alcatraz, and when all the SEALs died, the ninjas would just come in and finish off where the SEALs left off.
Add in those ninjas, and this movie would have been nominated for at least a couple of Oscars.
I have to disagree. Not even ninjas could help that movie–unless they went around destroying every copy of it. The only thing worse was the book–it’s the only novel I ever started reading voluntarily and couldn’t make myself finish.
Think about hordes of ghost ninjas in Sixth Sense…
“I see dead people.”
“Dead people in coffins? In graves?”
“No…in black pajamas.”
I’m thinking ninjas in Deuce Bigallow:Male Gigillo <sp?>
sneaking inthe background of the dates…everytime he has a meeting with tj, or tc, I can’t remember his name.
Ah, The Tick. Loved that comic book. The Tick is sort of a parody of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle phenomenon, which was itself a parody that borrowed heavily from Daredevil. Note that, at the time Matt Murdock/Daredevil was busy staving off ninja agents of The Hand, the Turtles were fighting with The Foot. Plus, the truck that blinded ol’ DD is the very truck that dumped the radioactive material that mutated the Turtles.
I’d also like to note that I once borrowed the Tick-ninja’s disguise on Halloween: I carried around a few branches, stuck a couple of leaves to myself, and wore a shirt that said, “I am a hedge. Please move along.”
But anyway, on to answering the OP. Looking at my movie collection, at the very least the following movies would be much funnier with the addition of ninjas:
American Pie (give the kids something else to worry about: “Dammit, Dad, I’ll never get laid with all these ninjas around!”) Contact (ninjas make better villains than bosses who hog your spotlight) Cube (“Aieee! This room is trapped! It’s full of ninjas!”) Daylight (“They only have enough air for four hours. And the ninjas will probably kill them in three.”) Die Hard I, II, III (what the hell, everything else went wrong…) Dogma (they have to stop Loki, Bartleby, and Sho Kosugi from getting to a church in New Jersey) Fight Club (not that the movie would change much, but the fight choreography would be much more elaborate) Godzilla (“Bomb Madison Square Garden! It’s full of baby 'zillas and ninjas!”) Halloween (Michael sneaks up behind Jamie Lee…she spins around…“HIKEEBA!”) House on Haunted Hill (“You will get $1 million if you survive the night in a house crawling with ghosts and ninjas.”) I Know What You Did Last Summer (being a ninja would go a long way toward explaining the superhuman feats the killer pulls off) It’s A Wonderful Life (just imagine George Bailey whuppin’ up on hordes of ninjas!) Mystery Men (just for variety; looking at the Disco Boys is hard on the eyes after a while) Office Space (“Let’s figure out how to rip off the company! To the ninja academy!”) Pleasantville (I’d pay good money to see Tobey Maguire get his head kicked off) Robocop (he’d just shoot 'em, and the sky would be dark with falling ninja bodies) Rocky (“Oh, no! Apollo Creed has been joined in the ring by three ninjas! Rocky’s in trouble!”) Ronin (hell, it’s in the title!) Run Lola Run (she has to thwap ninjas as she runs, and Lola’s such a bad-ass she’d knock the bejesus out of a LOT of 'em) South Park (worthy opponents for The Mole) Texas Chainsaw Massacre (again, the woods would be littered with black-clothed body parts) The Wedding Singer (see Pleasantville, but exchange Drew Barrymore for Tobey Maguire) X-Files: Fight The Future (every conspiracy needs a few ninjas!)
Blazing Saddles - Dock that ninja a day’s pay for throwing stars on the job.
MP & The Holy Grail - Arthur is taunted by the ninjas
Heavy Metal - cartoon ninjas in leather.
American Ninja - hey, wait a minute!
Lethal Weapon movies + ninjas. Yes! Undercover Blues + ninjas. Yes! The Dream Team + ninjas. I can see it. Hudson Hawk + ninjas. Definitely. X-Men + ninjas. Yes! Definitely should’ve had ninjas.
ponders other movies Mary Poppins with ninjas? Annie with ninjas? The Parent Trap with ninjas? You know, those would work, too.
The Banana Warrior
Tom Jones plays a simple country blacksmith whose teacher is killed by an evil gang. He leaves his beloved anvil to take up the ancient art of ninjana, the japanese art of stealth and murder by banana peel, and goes on to wreak revenge on his enemies. Angelina Jolie as the love interest.
I am wondering about the movies in my collection.
let’s see
Dragon Slayer
Hackers
Police Academy One
The Hobbit
To Wong Foo
Better Off Dead
Three Musketeers
Cinderella
Highlander