I don’t know if it qualifies as a gift, but my cousin sent her annual snapshot of her two kids, now aged 12 and 6. That’s not odd in itself, but it was taken in their messy, messy house, so you can clearly see all the crap and debris in the background!
I didn’t get but among other things gave my brother this mostly because when we were young he repeatedly subjected me to this christmas special. Mostly he liked to rewind to the part where Noel squeaks “I have a happiness!” right before falling off the tree.
He was thrilled by the gift. Go figure.
My grandparents got me an off-white turtleneck sweater. It makes me look like Leonard Nimoy in too much blusher and with breasts that start at his neck and go to his hips.
I never wear cream or off-white and I haven’t worn turtlenecks since sophomore year of high school – six years ago. I also got a musk-scented body lotion set. I loathe musk. My grandparents know all of this, because I’m pretty outspoken about my distaste for both off-white and musk.
When my grandma asked me if I liked the sweater, she mentioned that she had the gift receipt so I could exchange the sweater if it wasn’t big enough. It was an extra-large. I usually wear a large or a medium. Gee, Grandma, thanks for making me feel like fat Leonard Nimoy on Christmas.
Meanwhile, my cousins, younger brothers and older sister got stuff that they love and reflects their interests. This present just smacked of, “Um, she’s never topless and she has dry skin. Sweater and stinky stuff!”
I wouldn’t have been insulted if they had called me and asked what I wanted or just given me a gift certificate. But now I feel like a cretin because I actively loathe a present both my grandparents were absolutely thrilled with. It’s a nice silk sweater, but it embodies everything I hate in a sweater, except the silk.
It makes me feel like I’m being punished for not seeing them the one weekend I came home this semester that wasn’t Thanksgiving – a weekend where they were out of state until the day I left at 9 a.m.
A flashing monk.
One simple mechanism allows the user to lift the monk’s habit and display his apparently erect penis to anyone with an interest in monastic libido. When boredom sets in, the mechanism can be reversed so that dignity and propriety are once again restored to the holy orders.
If my brother wishes me to interest myself more in religious matters then believe me, this is not the way to go about it.
This is the 21st century. Didn’t you know that holy water banishes all but the worst malware from your computer?
OTOH, I suppose it could work as well as Arm & Hammer…
Steinbach is the maker, “2001” is the year/series. The little ornaments are miniature copies of full-size nutcrackers.
I guess I should explain - these things are amazingly collectible. A full-sized nutcracker runs a couple hundred bucks. If you want to purchase one during the holiday season, Herr Steinbach tours each year (or did) to various high-end retailers and will personally autograph your (butt-ugly) purchase.
(runs screaming in terror from Herr Christian Steinbach)
Sorry for the hijack. I guess it’s tangentially related - a lot of people must get these for Christmas and they are all probably wondering - what the heck is this and does it make good kindling? (Okay, some people must like them, but the appeal is totally lost on me.)
What?.. no Turnip Twaddlertm?
<mumble>cheapskate<mumble>
“Lordy, life sure is easier now that I’ve got my Salad Scooper[sup]TM[/sup]!”