I got a can a cheese whiz.
From my dad.
“I thought you really liked cheese whiz?”
“Um, it’s okay. I mean it’s good with Ritz crackers and all.”
“Oh, geez, well I thought you loved the stuff”
He did also get me the new Far Side collection, so it wasn’t all surreal.
What weird things did you get?
That sorta reminds me of a birthday gift I got from my MIL. It was one of those “year” books you get for people that has all the old ads and things popular in a given year (top 10 movies, books, average incomes, etc). I was born in 1971, this book was 1956 or something. I sorta stared at it and said “um, is this for me?” She looked all crestfallen and said “oh Bruce said you liked old advertising and stuff.” I went “Ohhhhhh!” I could sorta see what she was getting at, but still. Kinda random!
It’s a toss-up between the talking Gollum/Smeagol action figure, and a wind-up NunZilla. Yes, they were both intended as jokes.
I got a three pack of different kinds of nuts from my mother.
HELLO, I lived with my mother for 17 years. I hate nuts, not just dislike them… I HATE them. WTF was she thinking?
After years of getting gifts that screamed “free with purchase of…” I now run around TELLING people what I want so this way when I don’t get it I can be mad for a reason! 
Q-tips. I’ll let the giftor explain that.
My soon-to-be-ex-wife bought me a dagger. A big, heavy double-edged one – quite sharp!
Which is not as bizarre as it sounds, actually, but phrasing it this way yields some interesting remarks. 
It was a replica of a Roman style dagger, the kind I always used to drool over when we went shopping. So the gift was much appreciated. And since we get along very well, she’s quite safe giving me weapons.
I didn’t get anything too odd, but Kizarvexius reminded me that my son (a sweet, quiet, 7-year-old) got a letter opener made to look like a bejeweled dagger with a dragon wound around the handle. It came from a teenager we know, perhaps that explains it.
Sorry about the hijack…
What??? (((((Kizarvexius))))), when did this happen?
Oh, this one’s easy. A tin of octopus tentacles, cuttlefish in ink, pigs feet and crunchy anchovy paste (it was crunchy because the bones were still there). Then again I gave people canned limpets, silkworm pupae in sauce and a number of other similar gifts (as a joke).
A loaf of bread. From my boss at work. It wasn’t really special bread or homemade or anything. I have a good job - I’m not going hungry. Why???
A box of Kleenex from my MIL…
I don’t know what she was implying…
but…
She gave my DH… hand lotion… yeah…
In her defense we did get some nice gifts as well, but kleenex & hand lotion? WTF?!
I got a calendar with a picture of different outhouse for each month. Hmm … what are they trying to tell me? 
I got a dish drainer pan! It is black, and my dish rack is white…made me go hmmm…
It was a joke, really, but it was the first gift I opened! (Which is what he intended. of course!)
I got exactly what I told people I wanted…A wooden cooking spatula!!!
I didn’t have one, always complaining my pans were getting scratched (by OTHER people in my kitchen) I know how to use metal on my sausepans… sadly, others don’t.
I really appreciated it! along with my first ever fresh black pepper grounder (grinder?)
Not me, but my four-year-old was given a purse filled with grown up lotions, perfumes, scented bath oils, etc. The purse was cute, but Mommy will have to take care of the rest of the loot for her.
Separated a year and a half ago, ((((((((((Misstee)))))))))). Ancient history. But thanks for the hugs, anyway! 
We’re just now getting onto the legal mumbo-jumbo portion of it so we can get on with our lives. Still good friends, though.
[/hijack]
One of my friends gave my 5 year-old daughter a universal remote for Christmas. Oooooooookay.
In the “WTF Gifts” thread, I mentioned the meat cleaver I found in my Christmas stocking.
But it’s okay. We all got meat cleavers in our Christmas stockings. Well, not all, but damn near every one of us. Me, my wife, my brother, my cousin, my stepsister, all the way down the line. There were like eight meat cleavers sitting on the table when we were done.
If we’d been setting up to play a strange variation of Go Fish wherein meat cleavers are employed instead of cards, we’d be all set.
It’s probably the only time in my life where somebody could have come into the room, approached any person at the table, and asked, “Pardon me, but do you have a meat cleaver?” and be almost guaranteed to receive an affirmative response. “Yes,” the randomly selected individual could say, “I do in fact have a meat cleaver.”
If wishes were meat cleavers, we’d have all been eating steak. Or something.
Anyway.
It turned out for the best. We asked a friend if he could use a meat cleaver. He said yes. Now he has a meat cleaver, and we have just one. If any meat-cleaver-free readers happened to be thinking they could take advantage of our superabundance in the meat cleaver department, I am sorry to disappoint you and your meat cleaver needs, for said surfeit of meat cleavers has been remedied by regifting.
I certainly hope there is no meat cleaver crisis in the near future, wherein we shall be called upon to produce not one but meat cleavers in plural, or we will be up the creek without a… well, without a meat cleaver.
Er, I’m not entirely sure what it is - a mini art kit, perhaps. It’s a square, red plastic case, about 4x4x1/2 inches. Inisde is a 4-pack of Crayola metallic crayons, 2 crayola metallic markers (silver and pink), and a little 3x3 pad of construction paper. The crayons and paper have the Energizer bunny on them, and Crayola is apparently “A proud partner with Energizer”.