I almost forgot this one- it’s just about the lowest I’ve ever sunk.
I dated a guy for several months, encouraging him to think I was seriously interested in him, solely because I wanted to get closer to his housemate.
I have a crush on my boss. Well, not really a crush crush, more like I want him to be my dad. Or at least my uncle. Okay, I just really want an excuse to come up behind him when he’s sitting down and hug him and kiss the top of his head. He usually looks rumpled, with messy hair, like he’s really tired and just needs a hug, and dammit, I want to be the one to give him that hug. Is that so wrong?? I mean, I ask you! Please? Father? Am I going to hell?
i am a packrat. i am a trekkie. i listen to “big daddy” and wierd al on a regular basis, without the kids being home. i have a billy the bass talking fish. i find johnny winter sexually attractive. my boyfriend is closer to my mom’s age than mine.
DAMN YOU FAIRYCHATMOM!!! Damn you to HELL!!
Bless me FairyChatMom, for I have sinned. Or may sin. Will probably sin. Whatever.
I have a severe weakness for really heavy-set men. I mean, huge guys. If I think they are “fat”, then they’ve probably set a Guinness world record. In my book, big is the height of sexiness.
I despise South Park. No, really. I can be bored watching Scooby Doo and without all the stupid(er) voices.
I am rapidly becoming a huge addict of MSNBC. Luckily, I rarely watch tv, so maybe this ain’t no biggie…
Have I mentioned this affinity I have for really great big guys???
Silky… How YOU doin?!?!?!? makes phone fingers [sub]call me.[/sub]
Well, he did hang out in deserts after all… or was that the kind of hot you meant??
I dunno - some of them have their moments…
…and what? Paint her toenails?!? (Isn’t that what the kids are calling it these days?)
My dear, anything involving chocolate can be forgiven… unless you waste it. That would be bad.
Well, duh, isn’t that the point?!?
I give … bad directions! Sending people in the wrong directions and I feel bad.
I hate birthdays. I have since I was 6 years old and I insisted on not having parties anymore. It makes my mom sad. I also hate holidays, ALL holidays, but I don’t feel bad about that.
Next time you pull a stunt like that, you lose your hair-care privileges… Criminy, man, have a little class!
If my Perfect Child[sup]TM[/sup] asks you to do this, tell her to do her own durn work… as a personal favor to me, OK?
Didn’t he write The Sound and The Fury? I hated that stupid book. He deserves not to be remembered just because of that stupid book. Don’t sweat it, Ferggie.
Yeah, but the Hemingway look-alike contests in Key West are kinda fun…
I have 3 little sisters, and I promise, they deserve anything that happens to them. <Pull off my Barbie’s head, will ya? I’ll show you…>
As for the other, that’s pretty low. Did it work?
You call me Father again and I’ll bitchslap you silly… I don’t lug these tits around for my health, ya know!
I’m sorry, sweetie, but you’re just beyond hope. Just sit there quietly till my associates show up to escort you to the, er, resort…
ummmm, thank you for your input? Dang, what did I do to you?!? Here, have a cookie and some Ovaltine.
Good on ya! I like gentlemen of substance myself. Just stay away from my big guy and we’ll do just fine.
<fwaps Whammo with the dreaded FairyChatStick[sup]TM[/sup]>
Hey! This is neither the time nor the place… take your flirtin’ self to another thread!! Sheesh!!
The gods of the internet have heard your plea, and have interceded on your behalf. Through the miracle of the Web, you may now arrange a personal experience with Jesus.
Well, in the grand scheme of things, that’s balanced by people who are given perfectly good directions and still manage to get lost… Unless you’re deliberately trying to send people in the wrong direction, in which case I’d be very disappointed in you…
Last night I had a dream. I stalked a woman and took her to a cheap motel and tied her up. Now, this may sound like I’m ripping off Nicklz, but I’m not. I swear.
Anyway I took this woman to the motel and all. She was one hot tomato. Maybe she was the Little Woman, maybe she was an International Underwear Model, maybe she was a Dopette whos name can be rearranged to spell MomChatFairy. I’m not saying, and it’s not really important. That’s not what I’m confessing any way.
While I had her all tied up, I covered her her in whipped cream (she was naked). Just to watch it melt off of her. This is also not what I’m confessing. It’s coming though.
This is what I’m confessing: Even though it was a dream, and money was no object, I used cheap, non-dairy whipped topping. In the squirt can, but still. Even in my dreams I’m a cheap bastard.
Well, I feel better.
-Rue.
Well, Rue, that’s why I’m here - to help you feel better. Step a little closer and see how much better you can feel. No, that’s not a ruler I’m holding behind my back. No, really… Would I swat you?!?
OK, all, I was kidding about the ruler… honestly - I wouldn’t swat any of you. I’m here as a public service! Purely humanitarian and unselfish motives! Really! Unburden yourselves! 'Fess up! Spill your guts! Come clean! You’ll feel better - I promise.
[sub]Disclaimer: FCM cannot guarantee any promises made above. She’s lucky she can dress herself without assistance.
Astroboy stands up, but cannot meet anyone’s eyes… he bounces from foot to foot for a moment nervously…
One time in high school, I cheated on a spelling test by writing the words with a pencil on top of my desk really small, and then smudging them out after the test.
[sup]Am I going to hell?[/sup]
Oh! And a few semesters ago, I gave one of MY English classes a quiz (ain’t it funny how everything comes full circle?)… I noticed a girl cheating by using her cell phone to send text messages to a friend, and I didn’t bust her because she was CUTE!:eek:
[sup]Question answered. I AM going to hell![/sup]
(ironically, whoever she was exchanging answers with was no better at English than she was… she got a 28 (I think) out of 50! Ha!
)
Blushing furiously, Astroboy sits down…
I have learned, on this day, that men in kilts really do something for me.
I’m not a bad person for that, am I? I’m not even Scots.
Cougarfang slips into this thread, reads messages, furrows brow worriedly Forgive me FairyChatMom, for I have sinned… I… I… [sup]I whack my sister regularly just to hear her cry[/sup]… and… and… wriggles in shame I… I… [sub]I often entertain thoughts of… you know…[/sub] if i give you some chocolate, will you intercede on my behalf and stop Ammit from taking my soul? Please? really high-grade chocolate… makes a bambi-face at FairyChatMom oh pleeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaassssssseeeee?
Well I’ll just confess it all.
I drink way to much
I smoke way to much
My “happy trail” looks more like the african rain forest
I pluck my eye brows (nobody likes unibrows)
I trim my pubic hair
I can never get enough sex to be satisfied
And my credit cards are past due
I think I really did lose that library book back when I was ten, even if I managed to convince the librarian that I’d returned it and they lost it.
I’m re-reading the “Hitchhiker’s Guide” trilogy and I keep hearing Ford Prefect in my head… speaking with the voice of Tony Blair. I’m not sure what sin that is but it must be sinful somehow. :eek: