The one thing spouse did that you respect the most?

In My Humble Opinion
1

What one thing has your spouse or partner done that you respect the most? My story is this:

My husband got layed off from his IT management job just after our kid was born in 2000, while I was on maternity leave. We agreed that after my 4-month leave was up and I returned to work, instead of paying for daycare, it would make sense for my husband to remain jobless collect unemployment and become a SAHD. All very cool: I worked full-time, pumped and made all the income for the family for the next year or so and we were happy.

Then come about 1.5 years after our kid was born. We’d moved to a new town, bought a house, and I was now working part-time out of my home. Suddenly the burden of carrying the whole family became too much and I told my husband I needed to not carry the whole family any more and the time had come for him to find work and make the lions share of the family income. We’d always agreed that the overall goal was for me to be a mom-at-home and now with telecommuting I could do it. He started looking for a gig in his field, but it being a small town, pickings were pretty slim. We wandered along in this way for a few months – me getting more and more stressed out about carrying all the financials for the family, him casually looking for work with little success. We talked about it all the time but to me it felt like we were stuck in place and he wasn’t doing his part to change things. And it was really driving me to the edge.

Finally, just before Christmas I sat my husband down and told him that he had to get a job. Any job. For the sake of me and the family and his own self he had to go out there and find something, anything, before I lost my bloody mind because I really couldn’t go on one moment longer like we were. I needed to feel he was picking up part of my burden because I couldn’t carry it alone any longer. I explained I ws terribly unhappy and had been so for a while and watching him kinda-sorta look for a job in his field made me feel like he didn’t respect how heavy was the responsibility that I had been carrying for more than a year. And that for us to go on in a reasonable way he had to go get any any any any job. Plus, lets be frank, with me now on half-time we needed the income.

The very next day he went out and was hired for a seasonal job at the Gap at our local mall. Three weeks later he got an offer for an IT management position, and quit the Gap.

And for the rest of my life he will have my utmost respect and admiration for his going out and getting that crappy job at the Gap. Instead of thinking it was slightly shameful and grubby for a 35 year-old professional to sink to retail (which some friends seemed to hint at and I know flickered across his mind too) I think he is the coolest and most stand-up guy in the world for sucking it up, going out and getting a justajob. He listened to me and got the crappy retail job because the family needed it, and moreso because I needed it and I think it was the most wonderful and manly and responsible thing he’s ever done, bar none. This is I bet the one of the things I’ll most remember with admiration and respect for the rest of our lives together.

So I’m curious what is the thing that your sig-o has done that sticks out in your mind? Probably not everyone’s is relationshipy like mine, maybe they rescued a drowning kitten or something. But I figure most everyone has something that really stands out; something that you can point to and say “I really respected that.”

Twiddle

2

So many things. You want me to pick just one?

OK, here’s a small thing, but it’s the first that came to mind and it made quite an impact on me at the time. Several years ago a high school classmate of mine died at age 30 of cancer. He was one of the few sort-of friends I’d had during my school years, and we had also gone to the same church, participated in choirs together, and so on. He was probably the first person I really “knew,” who was my age, to die, and the whole idea of mortality really hit me for the first time at that point.

Anyway, I really wanted to go the funeral, and since we were running errands that day in that city (about 60 miles away; this was right before Christmas and we were going Christmas shopping), Mr. S came with me. I tried to sing the hymn, but as is usual for me at funerals, I ended up crying instead. After the service we greeted my friend’s parents and brothers, and Mr. S (who had never met my friend) took the mother’s hands in his and told her how very sorry he was, and that he completely understood because he had lost three immediate family members (father, mother, sister) the same way all within five years.

My hubby. Kind to children, animals, and little old ladies. Expressing sincere sympathy and empathy to the family of someone he’d never met. I think I’ll keep him.

3

I respect my wife the most for the sacrafices she made during her pregnancy. Seeing her in labor for 24 hours and pushing our son out for three hours was amazing. I knew she had it in her, but was impressed by her toughness. She has become a wonderful mother to our 8 month old, and I go to sleep each night feeling blessed that she’s in my life.

4

There are a ton of little things that make me respect him, but the big one happened shortly after we were married. We witnessed a fatal car accident (I’ve told this story in detail here on the boards, so I won’t bother again). There were a lot of people who saw it happen and it blocked off an entire road during rush hour traffic. He immediately took charge and helped the guy who eventually died, while an EMT who also happened to be right there helped another injured person. He was calm and authoritative. He really handled the situation perfectly, although it was extremely traumatic. It sort of embedded in my mind that he was a mature, responsible person who could handle pressure and would step up to the plate without needing to be directed. I had suspected this, but this was the first real situation where it was needed.

I also really respect him because if something’s bothering me, and I tell him about it, he really listens and is good about making compromises or apologizing if it’s something he did wrong.