One-time Onion Fan’s Rebuke Brings End to Newspaper Empire
NEW YORK — The stringing critique of one-time Onion fan, KwikStah, threw the staff of the national newspaper parody into a deep blue funk today, leading to the announcement that the faux media outlet was shutting down operatios.
“Well, that’s that,” said publisher C. Norman Tufts. “I guess we kinda knew that our quality had rapidly fallen off since the end of the 20th century. But KwikStah’s post in the Stright Dope Message Board confirmed our worst fears: We’re shit.”
The Onion had tried to liven up its copy of late with a move to the more urbane locale of New York City, but the change of scenery only exacerbated the problem as Onion writers wasted time trying to get seats for “The Producers,” rather than penning knee-slapping parodies.
“I’m calling Reader’s Digest to see if they need someone to edit Humor in Uniform,” said Onion contributing editor Ed Rawley. “Mom never understood why I left Reader’s Digest in the first place.”
T. Herman Zweibel, missing president and CEO of the media giant and last seen blasting off in an alien rocketship, did not return calls seeking comment.